About ready to admit I can't do it.

[TwllBach]

I'm an NQT. I had a position from September to Easter and now I'm on long term supply.

I love being in the classroom - love it.

BUT

I'm tired I've got work to do but I just want to relax. But then I want them to have a fabulous lesson and feel guilty that I don't want to do the work!

I hate the pettiness in the staff room and I hate The Fear.

I, at the moment, just don't know if I have it, whatever it is, that it takes to be a good teacher.

Oh I don't even know why I'm posting

[StarlightMcKenzie]

Don't go into the staff room.

Think of this year as a year to make baseline resources for an easier year next year!?

[StarlightMcKenzie]

Nobody has what it takes to be a good teacher when they start out and tbh with so much thrown at them I'm surprised anyone bothers to aspire to be one.

[TwllBach]

I've managed to think about it like that for a while now, I think I'm just tired!

Oh I don't know.

It's the guilt, isn't it? I can deliver an ok lesson tomorrow without working tonight, but then, they deserve better. So I should do the work, and I want to do it

Ah well. Not long till the holidays!

[StarlightMcKenzie]

Can you prepare for more than one lesson at a time? Say a series of lessons?

[TwllBach]

I do normally, I generally plan and prepare everything on Sunday so I don't have to work too much in the evenings, but because this is supply and they are messing me about then I'm doing the planning for each day on the evening before, if that makes sense.

I do have some lessons as back up.

I think I'm having a moan, that's all!

[wonderstuff]

The first year is the worst, you're nearly through it now, if you left now you'd always wonder.

[41notTrendy]

Are you primary or secondary?

[TwllBach]

Primary.

It's silly isn't it? I really really love the teaching bit in the classroom and most of the time I do actually enjoy the making of resources. I don't think I would quit, because as you said, if always wonder and I do enjoy the job.

I will be grateful in a couple of years, though, if I can secure a permanent job and get a few resources under my belt!

[41notTrendy]

I would focus on delivering good lessons for lit/num if you are struggling for energy and/or enthusiasm. This will build up some skills and ideas that will transfer into other subjects. You learn to cope, but you never feel like you get it right all day every day. Build up a bank of resources from TES or Primary Resources - (check them before you use them) some are very good and can be adapted easily and quickly. A smart PowerPoint or Smartboard file can get a lesson off to a great start.
Politics in staff rooms vary from place to place. Keep out of it, make your tea, smile and go back to your room.
Find someone you get on with and build up a relationship with them.
And, never be afraid to ask for help, ideas and support. No-ones likes to see someone struggling. Hth

[ninah]

Twyll, I am NQT too. I was ready to jack it all in on Monday. I share your pain! Then today my class did fantastic writing ... I know the tiredness and the Fear! I also struggle with my support staff and with some leadership expectations, I'm not exactly a natural fit in my school. Just hang on til summer. Do your best! and try not to let work consume your whole soul if you can. I play loud music in my car to remind me every day I'm not just Mrs So and so ....

[TwllBach]

Oh I do that too! I have a special cd that I play loudly on the way in on mornings that I'm a bit wobbly.

I decided to suck it up and have just finished. I got really in to a maths lesson with a history basis... DP just didn't get my excitement over realising I could work percentage questions in to the battle of 300 (topic = Ancient Greece) and I'm really looking forward to tomorrow

That's one of the brilliant things about teaching, I think, ninah, you can have a rubbish morning but then after break you do something different and they show you how wonderful tey are and it makes it all better!

41 I'm only just getting over the feeling of cheating if I don't make everything myself from scratch, which is ridiculous, I know. It's literally only just this week that I have started bastardising resources from TES and primary resources etc

[cardibach]

what's this 'Don't go to the staffroom' nonsense? I would have resigned/had a breakdown/murdered someone long ago if it weren't for the staffroom. Keeps me sane.
OP, don't worry. There really is nothing wrong with being a good enough teacher with excellent moments, whatever they say. Nobody is outstanding all the time.

[TwllBach]

I have had a really lovely day after all that

I have a bit of a love hate relationship with the staff room. I love talking to the assistants and one teacher "friend" but I'm nervous of talking to the others and have been since September when I realised conversations, even mundane ones about Facebook, eastenders etc, were reported back to SMT...

[41notTrendy]

Cheating?!?! Bugger, that means I've been cheating at this job for years then . I was once told by a very wise, experienced head that nothing in education is new. If you find something that fits with what you're doing, use it!
And I maintain that some staff rooms are awful, if its that kind of place just know not all are like it.
Good luck. If you care this much I'm sure you are, and will continue to be a good teacher.