Everywhere I look in every room there is just an empty space where he’d usually be sat, he was always wherever we were. Theres no corner or surface of the house he didn’t sit. His collar, leg fluff and the towel he passed away on are still on the sofa, I just can’t bring myself to move them.
He was by my side every single day and night, my rock and comfort. He was ill on and off for the last year and had become clingy and needed a lot of time and love, so I became super attached and am missing him dearly. He was a human trapped in a cats body, just the most incredible animal- loyal, loving, funny and so so sweet. I’d give anything to have him back even for 5 minutes. I keep expecting him to walk in at any moment.
The house feels so empty even though ds, ddog and I are here, his presence and character must have filled the entire house and now he’s gone it feels as though theres just a vacuum, a void.
I’m utterly heartbroken. I feel like I’m spiralling a little after whats been a very tough few months, with him and other issues. In difficult times he would be here by my side and calmed me completely, so I’m struggling. I don’t know why I’m posting really, I just need to know that somebody understands how I feel 😔
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14 YO cat PTS at home on Wednesday and I still can’t stop crying. When does this bet easier?
YouAreTheEggManIAmTheWalrus · 17/07/2020 17:16
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@caitlinohara I’m so sorry for your loss too and I can imagine I’ll be the same. His name was Pingu, he was a 3rd birthday present for ds (who is now almost 17) and was cartoon penguin mad at the time. He was rescued aged around 12 weeks and brought to us in a Tatty Teddy gift box. He just aways seemed eternally grateful and I’ve never known a cat like him. I cuddled him to sleep on Wednesday in the same fleece jumper he cuddled into as a kitten. Its just heartbreaking when they become so sick we have to make the decision.
@CarrieMoonbeams sorry for making you cry, I’ve never heard the saying grief is the price we pay for love, its so true. I think your suggestion of putting everything away for now is a really good one thank you, I just haven’t been able to face any of it. I threw away his meds and syringes and packed the surplus food up for a friends cat the night before he went. His plates and dishes are still in the sink. I’m struggling to deal with any of it. The basket hes in in the photo was his and I’m going to plant some lovely flowers in it as a little memorial. His ashes I will collect next week and keep with all his collar and little favourite things. He was adored and as a single parent of one child I think he became my “other baby” in a way. Thank yoi for your kind words, I really appreciate it.
@NotanotherboxofFrogs I can relate to the full on sobbing I have never cried so much in my life I was literally floored on Wednesday. I can completely relate to everything you have said. He was everywhere, and now he’s nowhere.
Thank you all for your kind responses, it definitely helps to know people understand and I’m so sorry you've all been here. 
for all
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He is lovely. Hang in there, I’m so sorry for your loss but just know that he had a good life with you and you did the right thing, however painful that is right now. He knew you loved him and he died with those who loved him around him, that’s not a bad way to go, just hold on to that
Oh, OP 
it's just heartbreaking. One of my 2 cats died suddenly (no warning at all) early this year, aged 9. I still cry sometimes. I cried a lot when it happened. He and his brother were incredibly close and I felt very sad for him, too - but he seems absolutely fine! Asks for a bit more fuss from us than he used to. I have his ashes, and I'm glad he's home although I sobbed when I collected them, too. He was an incredibly loved cat, which is why I'm so sad - and it sounds like your lovely Pingu was, too!
He was an absolute beauty @YouAreTheEggManIAmTheWalrus. That's such a sweet idea planting flowers in his basket. There's a very cute little plant called 'Tiny mice' which he might have approved of! It's only an annual so it might be a bit late for this year though.
Have a little hug through the Internet from me.
And I meant to say that I'm so sorry for everyone else who's been in the same situation too.
Rest in peace Pingu. A gorgeous boy. I am so sorry for your loss. I know how hard it is. I agree with the above poster and found "grief is the price we pay for love" helpful. Also the quote "how lucky am I to have had something that made saying goodbye so hard". It took me a long time to understand that one then it sunk in for me on a very deep level. I hope in time your pain eases . We carry these loved souls forever in our heart and they go with us (I will have my cats ashes scattered with mine).
So sorry OP, I know how awful it feels to lose a much loved pet, it’s still early days
What a gorgeous boy. So so sorry for your loss. I've been there and it's such a raw physical and emotional pain. All I can say is that time will slowly ease your pain.
He was gorgeous OP. Your post brought a tear to my eye as I've been there and it's painful. I'm so sorry.
It will get better with time though. I know this pain, the first weekend was the worst, but it will get easier. It's all so raw right now.
The first time one of our cats died I could still see the shape/indent he had left on the leather bean bag, I'd keep looking at it, which is why I've since put everything away whenever we've had to say goodbye to cats again.
I agree that you need to put all his toys and collar etc in a box out the way. One day you will be strong enough to look at this.
Different methods work for different people. Upthread somebody mentioned that they went to a cat rescue place after they lost their cat, such was their pain. This has worked for others ai know. However, we once did the same, but I realised after it was too soon for us, I felt guilty and I struggled to accept the new kitten, when my mature adult cat had been so independent, just take some time to think.
I felt so bereft and what helped me was being around people, any distraction to get through those first few days. In time, you will be able to look back on photographs and remember all those times, with a smile.
Remember, that he was loved snd loved you. What a lucky boy and what a lucky household.
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