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14 YO cat PTS at home on Wednesday and I still can’t stop crying. When does this bet easier?

(25 Posts)
YouAreTheEggManIAmTheWalrus Fri 17-Jul-20 17:16:06

Everywhere I look in every room there is just an empty space where he’d usually be sat, he was always wherever we were. Theres no corner or surface of the house he didn’t sit. His collar, leg fluff and the towel he passed away on are still on the sofa, I just can’t bring myself to move them.

He was by my side every single day and night, my rock and comfort. He was ill on and off for the last year and had become clingy and needed a lot of time and love, so I became super attached and am missing him dearly. He was a human trapped in a cats body, just the most incredible animal- loyal, loving, funny and so so sweet. I’d give anything to have him back even for 5 minutes. I keep expecting him to walk in at any moment.

The house feels so empty even though ds, ddog and I are here, his presence and character must have filled the entire house and now he’s gone it feels as though theres just a vacuum, a void.

I’m utterly heartbroken. I feel like I’m spiralling a little after whats been a very tough few months, with him and other issues. In difficult times he would be here by my side and calmed me completely, so I’m struggling. I don’t know why I’m posting really, I just need to know that somebody understands how I feel 😔

OP’s posts: |
SpartacusAutisticus Fri 17-Jul-20 17:20:18

So sorry and I know the feeling flowers

What worked for me was going to a rescue and choosing another cat, because I couldn't bear having a cat shaped hole knowing cats needed homes, but I know that doesn't work for everyone.

It's really hard, the Blue Cross do have a pet bereavement helpline if that might help.

YouAreTheEggManIAmTheWalrus Fri 17-Jul-20 17:33:56

Thank you and I’m sorry you have been here.

I contemplated getting another at some point in future, but we have a dog who is half terrier and sees cats as things to chase. He only accepted this one because the cat was 7 when he arrived as a puppy and he grew up with him. It was years before they lived in harmony and so no way could I introduce another one for it’s own safety. I’ve applied to volunteer at a local shelter as a “cat cuddler” but theres evidently a waiting list. Fingers crossed it’s not too long.

OP’s posts: |
CarrieMoonbeams Fri 17-Jul-20 17:39:04

Aww OP, that's so sad. I had a little (big!) cry when I read that. He was obviously very loved and a big part of your life, so you need to give yourself a chance to grieve.

I can only tell you what I did when one of my dcats was killed on the road. I took his little collar (still had some of his lovely soft neck fluff on the inside of it), his favourite toys, fleecy blanket and bowl and put them in a nice box, tied it with a ribbon, and put it up on the top of the wardrobe. It made the grief feel a bit less raw in the first few days because I wasn't seeing his things everywhere, but I knew I could just lift the box down and go through it again whenever I wanted to.

Remember the saying "Grief is the price we pay for love" - never a truer word was spoken.

I know it's awful, but please take comfort in the fact that he passed away peacefully, safe, warm and with people who loved him.

He sounds like the bestest boy. Much love to you and your family OP. X

bengalcat Fri 17-Jul-20 17:40:03

Yes I understand - when I lost my first Burmese ( was forewarned as I knew he had renal failure following a blood test predental ) was very upset . I’d had an artist do his portrait as a result ( when still alive ) . My pragmatic response was to ‘ replace ‘ at the earliest opportunity so I did with two Burmese kittens when they were allowed to leave their mum . Sorry for your loss x

caitlinohara Fri 17-Jul-20 18:36:34

I’m so sorry for your loss, I am going through same. It has been a week today and today is the first day I haven’t cried - yet! I am told on here that it gets easier in time. I wouldn’t rush to get another because I think you need time to grieve and you might resent another cat for not being him - but that’s just me and you may feel differently, there’s no right and wrong. Can we have a photo please? What was his name?

NotanotherboxofFrogs Fri 17-Jul-20 19:06:42

Let it all out. Holding your hand and passing tissues

I lost my HCat last year, it was very sudden. I cried constantly for almost a week, full on sobbing until I was physically exhausted. It does get easier.

it was the small things which really got me, like no wee face watching me on the toilet, in the shower, making a sandwich without beady eyes watching me, no wee face meowing up my nose if I dared be late for feeding (I fed her at 7am and if I was still asleep at 7.01 she meowed up my nose for service).

Fluffycloudland77 Fri 17-Jul-20 19:34:06

It can take ages & I’m so sorry you have to go through it too. It gradually eases.

It is very hard to lose them no matter how.

YouAreTheEggManIAmTheWalrus Fri 17-Jul-20 20:01:36

@caitlinohara I’m so sorry for your loss too and I can imagine I’ll be the same. His name was Pingu, he was a 3rd birthday present for ds (who is now almost 17) and was cartoon penguin mad at the time. He was rescued aged around 12 weeks and brought to us in a Tatty Teddy gift box. He just aways seemed eternally grateful and I’ve never known a cat like him. I cuddled him to sleep on Wednesday in the same fleece jumper he cuddled into as a kitten. Its just heartbreaking when they become so sick we have to make the decision.

@CarrieMoonbeams sorry for making you cry, I’ve never heard the saying grief is the price we pay for love, its so true. I think your suggestion of putting everything away for now is a really good one thank you, I just haven’t been able to face any of it. I threw away his meds and syringes and packed the surplus food up for a friends cat the night before he went. His plates and dishes are still in the sink. I’m struggling to deal with any of it. The basket hes in in the photo was his and I’m going to plant some lovely flowers in it as a little memorial. His ashes I will collect next week and keep with all his collar and little favourite things. He was adored and as a single parent of one child I think he became my “other baby” in a way. Thank yoi for your kind words, I really appreciate it.

@NotanotherboxofFrogs I can relate to the full on sobbing I have never cried so much in my life I was literally floored on Wednesday. I can completely relate to everything you have said. He was everywhere, and now he’s nowhere.

Thank you all for your kind responses, it definitely helps to know people understand and I’m so sorry you've all been here. flowers for all

OP’s posts: |
SpartacusAutisticus Fri 17-Jul-20 20:06:30

What a gorgeous boy ❤️

caitlinohara Fri 17-Jul-20 20:38:46

He is lovely. Hang in there, I’m so sorry for your loss but just know that he had a good life with you and you did the right thing, however painful that is right now. He knew you loved him and he died with those who loved him around him, that’s not a bad way to go, just hold on to that flowers

ticktackted Fri 17-Jul-20 20:46:13

Oh, OP thanks it's just heartbreaking. One of my 2 cats died suddenly (no warning at all) early this year, aged 9. I still cry sometimes. I cried a lot when it happened. He and his brother were incredibly close and I felt very sad for him, too - but he seems absolutely fine! Asks for a bit more fuss from us than he used to. I have his ashes, and I'm glad he's home although I sobbed when I collected them, too. He was an incredibly loved cat, which is why I'm so sad - and it sounds like your lovely Pingu was, too!

CarrieMoonbeams Fri 17-Jul-20 21:25:15

He was an absolute beauty @YouAreTheEggManIAmTheWalrus. That's such a sweet idea planting flowers in his basket. There's a very cute little plant called 'Tiny mice' which he might have approved of! It's only an annual so it might be a bit late for this year though.

Have a little hug through the Internet from me. flowers

Toddlerteaplease Fri 17-Jul-20 21:30:46

I get it as well. Honestly it does get better. You'll always miss him. But you'll be able to remember him and smile.

CarrieMoonbeams Fri 17-Jul-20 21:34:50

And I meant to say that I'm so sorry for everyone else who's been in the same situation too. flowers

PregnancySucksTCJ Fri 17-Jul-20 21:36:22

I'm so sorry for your loss. What a beautiful boy he was! He looks very loved. Like so many others, I have been where you are too and I shed a tear when reading your words. The pain doesn't go away but it does become easier to manage. What I found helped me was to focus on the happy memories, we honoured our boy by filling the house with photographs of his handsome face, and we bought a bird table to go out front with an engraving dedicated to him (he used to love watching the birds from the window). Sending your positive energy xxx

TheHighestSardine Fri 17-Jul-20 21:38:50

Un-mumsnetty hugs to you and anyone who needs them. It's so awful.

For us, the only way to get through it was kittens.

gypsywater Fri 17-Jul-20 21:40:46

Rest in peace Pingu. A gorgeous boy. I am so sorry for your loss. I know how hard it is. I agree with the above poster and found "grief is the price we pay for love" helpful. Also the quote "how lucky am I to have had something that made saying goodbye so hard". It took me a long time to understand that one then it sunk in for me on a very deep level. I hope in time your pain eases flowers. We carry these loved souls forever in our heart and they go with us (I will have my cats ashes scattered with mine).

Herecomethedaffodils Fri 17-Jul-20 21:46:22

Oh what a beauty. He has the kindest face. I lost my beautiful boy 9 years ago and I still think of him often. Don't try and put a time frame on your grief, just roll with it. Some days will be unbearably hard, for no particular reason while other days, you'll think of him and just feel warm and happy that you shared so many wonderful times together. You'll never ever forget him but it does get less painful as time goes on. Go easy on yourself 💐

Gingerkittykat Sat 18-Jul-20 19:58:47

Pingu was beautiful and I'm sorry you lost him.

I lost my beautiful Shadow in April and it has got easier. It took a few weeks before I stopped expecting to see him all the time but still sometimes feel his presence sometimes.

The memorial sounds lovely, I planted a nice tree and surrounded it with painted rocks.

I will caution against getting another cat too soon. I brought a new kitten home a fortnight ago and it has triggered another bout of grief. I adore her but it is painful to see her where my boy should be and cuddle her when I want him.

Awwlookatmybabyspider Sat 18-Jul-20 20:26:03

I’m so sorry for your loss.
Pingu is beautiful. I bet he was a very mischievous when he was kitten

Fluffycloudland77 Sun 19-Jul-20 07:39:11

How are you getting on?.

Roselilly36 Sun 19-Jul-20 07:49:55

So sorry OP, I know how awful it feels to lose a much loved pet, it’s still early days flowers

cushioncovers Sun 19-Jul-20 08:01:40

What a gorgeous boy. So so sorry for your loss. I've been there and it's such a raw physical and emotional pain. All I can say is that time will slowly ease your pain. thanksthanks

HandsOffMyRights Sun 19-Jul-20 08:08:52

He was gorgeous OP. Your post brought a tear to my eye as I've been there and it's painful. I'm so sorry. flowers

It will get better with time though. I know this pain, the first weekend was the worst, but it will get easier. It's all so raw right now.

The first time one of our cats died I could still see the shape/indent he had left on the leather bean bag, I'd keep looking at it, which is why I've since put everything away whenever we've had to say goodbye to cats again.

I agree that you need to put all his toys and collar etc in a box out the way. One day you will be strong enough to look at this.

Different methods work for different people. Upthread somebody mentioned that they went to a cat rescue place after they lost their cat, such was their pain. This has worked for others ai know. However, we once did the same, but I realised after it was too soon for us, I felt guilty and I struggled to accept the new kitten, when my mature adult cat had been so independent, just take some time to think.

I felt so bereft and what helped me was being around people, any distraction to get through those first few days. In time, you will be able to look back on photographs and remember all those times, with a smile.

Remember, that he was loved snd loved you. What a lucky boy and what a lucky household.

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