My girl is gone...

[charliesmama]

Yesterday I had to make the heart wrenching decision to have my old girl (17 nearly) PTS.

I’m wracked with guilt it was quite sudden, and I’m left wondering if I’ve made the wrong decision.

The house isn’t the same and I’m bereft - I don’t think I’ve ever been this inconsolable even in human losses.

She (Molly) in February had the odd wobbly day that I put down to her age and being maybe arthritic... over the last couple of weeks when she’s been jumping onto the sofa she’s had to dig her claws in so her balance was off - she liked to sit in the back of the sofa and she found it hard to balance.
However over the last 3-4 days she was falling to the side, and her balance was terrible, she looked panicked in her eyes - her usual spark gone.
We gave her some whiskers pockets which were her thing - and when she ate them she stuck her tongue right out and I thought she was choking - there was a terrible cracking sound of her jaw maybe??

So yesterday I took her to the vets - they said their primary concern was her mouth which they couldn’t examine due to her pain - the vets words were “I’d have to sedate her to see what’s going on but then I don’t want to have to sedate her again to treat her, if want to scan her kidneys and she’s very arthritic”.
I expressed the fact that the main reason I’d brought her was due to the falling over...
Vet said it could be that they’d treat one thing and find another or exacerbate another issue and I fell too quickly I had to make the decision to have her PTS.
Now I’m thinking what if I could of treat her with painkillers or what if this or what if that...

When I rang the vet back to arrange collection of Molly, I did ask if she had managed to check her mouth during the process of her being sedated and she said that nothing was obvious so she was now wondering if she had arthritis in her mandibular joint.

So I brought her home and she is in the garden... I feel like a shell, my husband is the same as me...
Ds2 (7) keeps going to talk to her and kissed the ground this morning.

I know this is abit of an outpouring and well done if you’ve got this far.

The house is just so empty - I keep expecting her to come miaowing round the corner.

[bellinisurge]

Oh poor you. My heartfelt sympathies. Molly had a life of love. You did the kindest thing for her at the end. It sucks being a grown up.

[Ratbagcatbag]

Sending lots and lots of hugs.

You absolutely did the right thing, her spark was gone and she wasn't enjoying life anymore. It's one of the hardest decisions ever, and you made it knowing it was the kindest thing you could do. Please don't beat yourself up, she sounded like she had an amazing life.

[charliesmama]

This was only last week... how can things change so rapidly.

My heart actually hurts

[Dragongirl10]

I am so sorry for the sad loss of your lovely cat... it’s always a heartbreaking decision but better a week too early than a day too late.
You absolutely did the right thing she was probably in pain, and you would never have know how much, you did the kind and loving thing...... l know the pain it is dreadful but in time it will ease, and another cat will find you 💕

[bellinisurge]

She was a beauty. Lovely markings.

[Single2catsand1daughter]

Better a day too early than a day too late. It's a horrible decision you've had to make. Be kind to yourself and let your tears flow. ❤️

[DramaAlpaca]

I'm so sorry You did the right thing for your lovely Molly at the right time, so don't feel guilty

[Tiredmum100]

I had a similar experience in march. I went away for a few days, when I got home my girl just wasn't right. My dh said she'd been fine, but I knew she wasn't. She was limping with a bad front paw, so I took her to the vet where they said to keep an eye and gave her pain medication. Anyway that seemed to go but she just didn't get any better and would just sleep, hardly eating. I came home from work one night and her legs went and she kept falling to the side, so took her straight to the vets. They did some blood tests and rang the next day to say she had an infection so took her back for an antibiotic injection. For the next week she just got worse. I was syringing water into her, took her back to the vet where we had her PTS as she had lost so much weight. I still don't really know what went wrong. I guess it was a virus. She was 13. It was march 13th we had her PTS and to be honest I am still so sad. I miss her so much. She was my best friend and my shadow, she always wanted to be with me. It's silly as I've never felt this way over a cat. I believe the cat chooses the owner! The comfort I get and hopefully you will to is that the she had a great life with me.

OP, I'm sorry for your loss. It's horrible.

[Pickles89]

I'm so sorry. It's such a hard decision to make, but honestly it really does sound like it was her time. What a lucky girl to be so loved by you all. Maybe Molly could have a special tree planted in her memory? I have a weeping cherry for my old old rabbits, willows for my dogs.

[GenuineKlatchianPottery]

I’m so sorry OP

[charliesmama]

@Single2catsand1daughter they won’t stop flowing - I’ve given myself a headache.

@bellinisurge she was the best - so loving, she was my shadow and would sleep at my feet or on my chest and then when ds2 (the animal lover) came along it was almost like he was hers

[Carrie7469]

You did the right thing for your beautiful Molly. I had my 20 year old cat put to sleep and my heart felt like it was breaking. It was so peaceful though and I know it was the right thing. My new cat (Molly) has brought me so much joy. You did the best possible thing for her and that shows how much you loved her.

[charliesmama]

@Tiredmum100 I’m sorry to you too, it’s astounded me how much it’s affected not just me but DH too.
And of course the worst thing because of covid19 I couldn’t be with her at the end which just adds to the sh*tty guilt I feel...

I don’t think I’m even going to be able to face work tomorrow I feel that bad.

[charliesmama]

@Pickles89 we have 2 apple trees beside each other in the back and she was going to go there - but we’ve put her in front of a little wall and I’ve ordered a slate plaque thing.
I’m thinking a rose bush or something along those lines...

[Windyatthebeach]

Sorry for your loss op
We lost our boy 2 weeks ago.
Our dear Hamish was just 8 - lost weight very very suddenly.
Vets offered pts only -
Very heartbreaking op.
We have his db but there is still a hole..
We had him cremated and hope to get a suitable garden fixture to put him in.

[Tiredmum100]

The day we knew we had to have her PTS I actually got sent home from work as I couldn't still crying,.so I wouldn't feel too bad about it if you cant face it. It sounds silly but I really felt like a bit of me went with here that day. I bought her just after I moved out from home at 22. I had just qualified as a nurse, She moved with me when I left my horrible ex, was there when I got married and how had my 2 dc. She was there through so many milestones. Molly would have been ok at the end, even though I know you wish you were there I think the vet and veterinary nurse would have been very kind and soothing to her. Lilly went really quickly and peacefully, she wasn't aware, I'm sure Molly would have been the same.

[Wolfiefan]

I’m so so very sorry for your loss. We had to pts our old girl at 19. She was fine. And then she wasn’t.
When I was a child we actually had a cat who had cancer in her jaw. It may well not have been arthritis.

[VimFuego101]

They are really good at hiding pain, so if you were able to see she was unwell then chances are there was something very wrong. I would not choose to have invasive treatment done on an older cat just for the sake of a few more months. I think you did a very kind thing.

[charliesmama]

@Tiredmum100 yeah same we got molly when we had just moved into our first house together I was 21 - got married moved home, had 2 boys moved again and she’s just been there to give me nudges and love through all times.

Thank you all for your kindness ♥️

[pilates]

She was so beautiful charliesmama and sounds like she had a great life with you. My cat (4) went out one day and never came back, I’ve never 100% recovered but it has got easier as time goes by. That was 4 years ago.

[BabyMoonPie]

@charliesmama I'm so sorry for the loss of Molly, it's never an easy decision but it sounds like you did the right thing for her. Our old boy was ill last week. He had been fine and started being sick. He's done it before so we thought he'd eaten something he shouldn't have and he would be OK next day. Long story short, he wasn't eating and was lethargic so we took him to the vet and he's got serious kidney disease. Completely blindsided us and I felt awful but the vet said we couldn't have known, sometimes they don't show symptoms until it's really advanced. Be kind to yourself and remember the good times with your beautiful girl

[ohcorona]

Sending love to you.
She was a beautiful cat who It sounds like had a life full of love.
It's so heartbreaking 💕🌈

[Hedgehog44]

Big hugs xxx you did the right thing

[Want2beme]

So sorry for your loss. It is very hard when they go, especially so suddenly

[Furries]

@charliesmama - I am so very sorry, Molly was incredibly beautiful and the look of adoration in her eyes is plain as day. She was obviously incredibly over and had a wonderful like with you.

As a pp has said, they are very good at hiding their pain, so for you to have been able to see that she wasn’t good means that she really wasn’t well. Guilt is a perfectly normal feeling and part of the grief process.

I had to have my soul cat put to sleep two months ago today. It was very sudden and unexpected, Simba was only 10. The pain and sadness at losing him completely floored me - his favourite place was being as close to me as possible. It has got a teeny bit easier, but I still cry every single day. They really do leave paw prints on our hearts.

Allow yourself to grieve as much as you need to, you’ve lost a cherished friend. I hope that you and your family can find comfort in each other.

RIP Molly - run free at Rainbow bridge with Simba and all our much missed friends