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Would you ever have another cat.........?

(46 Posts)
tearsofrobertsmith Fri 16-Mar-18 15:42:40

Our absolutely beloved and adored little cat was run over and killed outside our house a few days ago. We didn’t see or hear anything and some lovely neighbours came out and whisked him off to the vet to be scanned for a chip which fortunately he had. The vet contacted us straight away to let us know. He died quickly we believe according to the neighbours. They didn’t know he was ours hence taking him to be scanned for a chip.

We are bereft. He was only about 18 months old. He was kept in at night and slept on our bed between us. He was my first cat and I can’t believe how much I fell for him. I feel like nothing in the world will be right again. My husband is stoical but he adored him too and is concerned about me and our children who love him so much. The children are devastated.

I can’t believe he’s gone, the wind rattles the cat flap and I think he’s coming in. I keep thinking I hear him but it’ll be a cat on tv. I know it’ll pass. I know that. My son said the hurt he feels is worth it to have had our cat for the time we did. Deep for a pre-teen. He was his first pet.
I’m sorry, I just wanted to get it all down. I can’t speak in real life without howling and I don’t want to freak my kids out.

My first instinct was to think that I’ll never put us through this again, or risk another cats life again. The pain is too much. I thought my husband would have been the same as it was my idea to get our first one. He went along with it as he knew it would make us happy. Then he fell for him too straight away. But he said last night that if I wanted another in the future he would be happy with that. Then I started to feel slightly better, the thought that I didn’t have to go through the rest of my life catless.

But I can’t get the voice out of my head that it’s so selfish to want another, to risk another poor cat on the road. Our road isn’t especially busy, it’s not a through road, more like a a few cul - de - sacs run together. Sometimes there are cars coming in too fast. But it’s not especially busy. I have friends with cats that they’ve had for years on some really busy rat run roads. We feel so cheated. Has anyone here gone through the same and got another cat later? And did it work out for you? Sorry for the epic essay. But it has helped to get it down. If anyone responds please be kind, if you think it’s a terrible idea that’s ok and I’m happy to hear opinions. But I’m extremely fragile at the moment. I’m not considering another cat for a long time. I’ve not said anything to my kids about it. It’s just thoughts in my head. Thank you.

UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername Fri 16-Mar-18 15:47:15

I'm so sorry.

Don't think about it yet. It will always be an option when you all feel ready, you don't have to make a decision now.

HardAsSnails Fri 16-Mar-18 15:57:03

So sorry flowers

Our last cat was PTS at 17yo after being run over near home. We are on a mainish rural road. We were all bereft but hated not having a cat at home and within 2 days I'd contacted rescues and ended up talking to the Blue Cross who assured me they had cats for re-homing who had street smarts. Went along the next day and chose current boy who made me laugh and who came home with us a couple of days later. He's great with the road, very traffic aware and was happy to do all his exploring in the miles of fields behind us. He's old and slowed down now but when his time is up I will do the same and look for another rescue adult cat with road sense.

lazydog Fri 16-Mar-18 15:57:08

So sorry tears

What UUU said, but also don't forget that you have the option to have an indoor only cat in future. I have two who never go outdoors (for several reasons) and they're completely used to that and have a great life.

retirednow Fri 16-Mar-18 15:59:00

I am sorry about your poor little cat, its so upsetting when we lose our loved pets, they are our family. When my cat died from an illness i did think about getting another one but i put it off and volunteered at my local cat protection for a while instead which helped with the grief process. You can never replace your pet but i believe they would like us to give a loving home to one of their feline friends. There is no rush, perhaps it would be safer to have an indoor cat, i know its tempting to let them out but some prefer the indoor

viccat Fri 16-Mar-18 17:40:57

So sorry for your loss.

As you are "cat people", please do consider giving a home to another rescue cat - so many wait in shelters for months, especially if they happen to be black adult cats. Or even consider a pair of cats, if you have the resources... No new cat will replace your previous one but as you have love to give, please do!

In terms of safety, there are a few things you can do. One is to never let the cat out from the front of the house, only the back. Of course if your house is detached or has easy access to front it's harder than in a terrace. In that case, or in any case, you can consider catproofing the garden, the DIY option is not expensive (look up ProtectaPet or SanctuarySOS). That way the cat can enjoy best of both worlds going out but being safe.

Allergictoironing Fri 16-Mar-18 18:26:18

This is one of the reasons why I wanted indoor only cats when I got mine. There are plenty at rescues who shouldn't ever go out for various reasons, and they just need that little more care when you open doors or windows, and you need to get cat proofing like flat cats for windows for summer.

Two is even better for indoor cats if you can find a proper pair, as I was lucky enough to do.

Want2beme Fri 16-Mar-18 19:27:37

So sorry for your loss. It's a very sad time for you. We miss them so much when they're gone. I've always had more than one cat at a time, so haven't had to give any thought to bringing another cat into the house. You'll know when the time's right and there'll be a lovely moggie waiting for

gussyfinknottle Fri 16-Mar-18 19:32:15

I'm so sorry you've lost your cat.
You will know if and when the time is right to open your heart to another cat. thanks

Weedsnseeds1 Fri 16-Mar-18 21:13:41

I have had various cats over the years. Only one died on the road and ironically that was when I lived on a short cul-de-sac.
My current cat is the only one I have actively "acquired" from a rescue. The others have been waifs and strays of one sort or another.
Every time one died, a replacement seemed to turn up to the point I joked about reincarnation. When old girl was PTS at 20, I assumed the replacement was on the way. After 2 months of waiting no cat in want of a home had arrived and I approached the local rescue.
If you are genuinely concerned it's a dangerous place for cats, then as PP suggest, there are indoor only cats, but if others have cats reaching a ripe old age, maybe an older cat with a bit of "street smarts" could be your ideal match?

Minta85 Fri 16-Mar-18 21:41:37

I’m so sorry for your loss OP. Worrying about my cat being run over is the main reason why both the cats I’ve had have been indoor only cats. It can work very well as long as they have plenty of stimulation and toys and have never been outdoor cats so don’t know what they’re missing.

user1483992574 Fri 16-Mar-18 22:12:07

We’ve just got another after a year,she disappeared, so distraught. Knocked doors posted leaflets,contacted vets and council, nothing ! After 9 months I contacted cats protection league who were really rude & told me I wasn’t suitable to have a cat because I work full time. I felt awful , embarrassed, they made me feel like a little kid . Christmas at work quite rural and a huge rambling place. A young cat was hanging around the canteen , the thought of leaving her over Christmas was too much ! Captured her , took her to vets to check for chip. Local rescue aided me in advertising her as found ! No one came forward so I fostered then adopted! Happy ending.

Icequeen01 Fri 16-Mar-18 22:13:39

I totally get how you are feeling Op. I have lost 4 cats to the road (one in front of us which is just THE most awful thing). The first two were killed on a busy road but DH and I were very young and inexperienced cat owners and stupidly thought our cats would stay in the large back garden and not venture round the front. Of course that didn't happen. We then waited to get another cat until we had moved to a quiet road. We got two cats and one was killed before she was a year old. We then waited again until we moved where we live now which sounds very much like your road. Within a year we lost a very young cat again. Each time I was heartbroken and swore we would not get anymore cats. But I find I can't bear my house without a cat and end up looking on rescue sites! We have now had 5 more cats here and (touch wood and crossing everything!) those we have lost were all due to natural causes.

Give yourself time to get over the shock and grief. If you are really worried you could lose a cat to the road you could look to get a rescue indoor cat.

Toddlerteaplease Fri 16-Mar-18 22:21:20

I didn't get a cat because of the road I live on. But by chance came across two Persians who are indoor, they have the odd trot round the garden. And the rest is history. You'll find the right cat when you are ready.

Aprilmightmemynewname Fri 16-Mar-18 22:25:50

I lost one of mine on the road. Bastard taxi driver.
Had quite a few since, we live near a road now and dcats have managed 3 safe years. I don't agree with keeping indoors though ours are in at night - too soft to go out in the cold anyway!!

tearsofrobertsmith Fri 16-Mar-18 23:19:53

Thank you all so much for your replies. How kind to take the time. It is reassuring to hear of those who have taken on cats after losing one. As someone upthread said, it seems impossible to think of the house without a cat now. Although I will most certainly take time to let us all heal a bit and look in to finding the right match for us. I would absolutely be up for a rescue cat. Especially a black cat as it was a little black cat that we have just lost. Black cats are my favourite and I know statistically they are harder to rehome. Which baffles me. Thank you all again. And if you don’t mind I will post a picture of our beautiful boy....

Want2beme Fri 16-Mar-18 23:31:54

He was a beautiful boy. Black cats are adorable. Hope you're ok.

ScreamingValenta Fri 16-Mar-18 23:35:46

I'm so sorry for your loss flowers. Your boy was gorgeous - I love black cats too and have a black boy like yours, although not with such a luxuriant tail.

Your road doesn't sound very busy; I would see it as having been a tragic accident rather than something that was a result of your location. If the road really troubles you, perhaps, when you are ready, you could offer a home to a cat that was indoor only - I have often seen rescue cats which need to be kept indoors for health reasons, and they are usually the harder to rehome ones.

When the time is right, you will be able to take comfort from giving love and happiness to another cat, and from getting to know a new puss personality. I found the focus of settling a new cat helped distract me after I lost my girl cat to cancer, and, while she could never be replaced, my new girl filled the 'cat shaped space' in my house.

Your lovely boy will always be with you in your memories; you gave him a life filled with love which is the most we can give our cats. I hope in time you will be able to remember the happiness you shared in peace.

tearsofrobertsmith Sat 17-Mar-18 00:26:35

He really was beautiful wasn’t he? And such a sook, this is how he spent a lovely nap, the evening before he died, upside down with his paws in the air between my shins........Thank you, I know it,l take time. But I howl every time I find one of his mousies or picture his little face.

tearsofrobertsmith Sat 17-Mar-18 00:30:34

Thank you to every one of you who have replied. Your kindness has been so touching.

Toddlerteaplease Sat 17-Mar-18 06:33:44

Yes he was beautiful. Black cats are the best!

BluebellTheDonkey Sat 17-Mar-18 06:55:10

Oh what a gorgeous puss. So sorry for your loss.thanks
Not the same but we had a rescue cat who went missing after 4 months with us. We got her after our old girl passed away aged 18. Unfortunately she wasn't suitable for our family, very aggressive and wandered for hours (not how the rescue described her!)
It left us with a dilemma, we desperately wanted another cat but worried hugely about things going wrong again. After a month we tried a different rescue who matched us with two lovely cats who have fitted right in to our family. We've had them over a year now.
Things do work out for the best eventually, like you I hate a house without a cat.
Good luck, you will know when the time is right.

flumpybear Sat 17-Mar-18 07:22:40

Oh poor you - I'd be devastated too - we've had quite a few cats and yes I always love having A cat around the house so I'd be inclined to be thinking about homing a new kitty too. Perhaps give it a bit of time to get over your cat. When my last cat died about 11 years ago (PTS) I was gutted, she was 19 and her brother was my favourite cat ever and he'd died two years before, it took about 1.5 years to realise it was time again to get another cat and that's when our gorgeous Sunny came to live with us. He's a big fluffy black long hair and he's wonderful, such a good kind soul and he's literally brought my children up with me, we got him about 5 days before we found out I was pregnant with my first child and he's been wonderful with my kids. He was getting quite elderly and we were given the option of getting another kitten which we did, and Sunnynhas found a new lease of life, crazy cat antics in our house lol - they're best cat friends!

littlebillie Sat 17-Mar-18 09:12:08

We lost our boy two years ago and within a month had got our new girl she was hit by a car in the first few months of staying with us and survived. As we rescued all our cats and are officially cat slaves don't feel bad about giving a new cat a home. There are so many out there who need a safe place to live good luck

rupertpenryswife Sat 17-Mar-18 09:19:07

So sorry to hear about your gorgeous cat,it's awful to loose one, especially in the circumstances you describe. Myself I could never have a house without a cat, sounds like it would be good for you get another one but consider keeping it as an indoor cat.

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