My darling 12-year-old boy has gone. I'm distraught.

[Dolceandgabbana14]

I've been worried about my beautiful boy since the end of April, when he started to show signs of being badly co-ordinated and losing his balance. I took him to the vet who did bloods to rule out anaemia, kidney and thyroid problems, but they came back clear. We left it a bit longer, and the cat had good days and bad days, and after a run of a few bad days I took him back. The vet did more blood tests for things that I can't remember now (possibly FELV, FIP, toxiplasmosis etc) but again they all came back clear. After several trips, he'd lost 400g. All along the vet told me he thought it was neurological, but did the blood tests to rule out any other possibilities. Given the history, this seemed the most likely explanation.

I lost his sister to a neurological condition in 2015. I didn't notice the symptoms with her, but thinking back, they were the same - banging into things, being wobbly, not able to jump up with accuracy any more. She stopped eating and drinking and ended up being quite dehydrated, was put on a drip and started to make some improvement. Sadly, she had a big fit whilst she was being kept in on the drip, and this left her blind. I had to make the decision to have her put to sleep. I was heartbroken and still miss her terribly.

On Saturday evening, my boy cat kept stretching his neck back and reaching out with his front legs. He lost control of his back legs and they were floppy whilst I was cuddling him. While I was on the phone to the vet, he stretched his head back again and started pedaling and panting. It was very scary to watch. The vet kept me calm during the episode and said that he would worry about leaving me to cope with the cat during the night, and that with the symptoms I had described, he said that he was suffering. The vet very kindly met me at the surgery within ten minutes, and gently put my beautiful 12-year-old cat to sleep. I can't get the images of my poor boy out of my head as he lay on the table in the surgery.

I'm not sure how I got through yesterday with the DC and their difficult questions about heaven - my DS(3) asked where the cat was and when I said he'd died and was in heaven, DS asked where heaven is. I told him it's up in the sky and he asked if you get there in a rocket . Then DD(7) heard me say no, then she asked how DID he get to heaven. Gosh, it's so hard to answer some of their questions!

Today has been really hard with the DC at school and DH at work. The house is quiet and empty. I had to call the pet crematorium and make arrangements to have my cat collected from the vet and to talk through the individual cremation process. I said that I'd like to take a rose in to put with my beautiful cat tomorrow, as this is what I did for his sister. He'll also be cremated with his favourite blanket, just as his sister was. We will have his ashes in a photograph frame with a discreet box at the back, so that he can be with us indoors with a lovely photo of him.

I want to take a gift in for the vet as a token of my appreciation for the kind and compassionate way that he treated my cat, and especially for going out of his way on a Saturday evening to open the surgery for us. I don't know anything about him, other than he's mid-30s. I don't really want to give a voucher with a monetary value for fear of it coming across as being too much/too little. Please could you give me some suggestions as to what I could get for him - my mind's blank and I'm not really thinking properly at the moment.

I'm sorry that this is so long, I hadn't intended it to be! I've actually found it quite therapeutic to write it all down - especially as it is so difficult to talk about it without getting horribly upset. I miss him terribly but I know that letting him go was the kindest thing, and that it was the right time. When I can bear to look at his photographs, I will post a photo of my gorgeous boy.

Sleep well, my wonderful pussy cat. I love you so much

[PinkSparklyPussyCat]

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's no consolation right now but you did the kindest thing for your boy by preventing his suffering.

Run free at the Rainbow Bridge little one

[dingit]

I'm so sorry, it's so hard when you lose them x

[DramaAlpaca]

I'm very sorry for your loss. I know how much it hurts. You did the kindest possible thing for your boy & of course you will miss him terribly

As for a gift for the vet, I'm certain that's not necessary but a card would be appreciated. If it's anything like our vet's surgery they are delighted to receive thank you cards and always put them up in the surgery.

[Toddlerteaplease]

So sorry to hear about your boy, what about some flowers for the vet? I sent flowers and chocolates to the vets who treated my girl when she was critically ill. They went down well.

[Dolceandgabbana14]

Thank you everyone. I know that there was no way we could've brought him home. I've known for weeks that this was coming, but it doesn't make it any easier when the time comes. I think I was in shock on Saturday, I didn't cry at the vet's and held it together afterwards so that I could call my parents to tell them what had happened. Speaking to the lady at the crematorium today was another story though. She was so lovely. I don't know how she understood me with all the sobbing !

I've got a lovely card, but I need to think of what I'm going to write in it. I'd really like to take something in as well though. Like I said, he dropped everything on a Saturday night to open the surgery for us. I doubt there are many people who would go over and above like that. It it were a female vet, I'd have got flowers, but it doesn't feel right giving flowers to a man!

[StillMedusa]

I'm so sorry for your loss. He was obviously an adored boy. But you did the right, the kindest and the only thing that you could for him.
xxx

[DudeHatesHisCarryOut]

So sorry to hear about your cat. How sad. :-(

He does sound a lovely vet, though if he was on call of course he would have opened up the surgery for you. I presume you'll be paying him for doing so...?

When my cat scratched the vet (she objected to being shaved before her operation and he didn't pay any attention to her complaints, so she took them up a gear!) I took him in some chocolates as an apology. Could you get him something similar, maybe nice biscuits?

Which pet crem are you using? A friend of mine has one and yes, she is an absolute gem. Takes really good care of all the wee ones that go through her care.

Hope you're taking care of yourself. x

[Dolceandgabbana14]

We're using one in Hampshire. It's set in beautiful grounds, is very peaceful and the staff there are so lovely.

The vet wasn't on call at all. My colleague lives next door to him and popped round just to ask his advice, to see if he thought we could wait until the surgery opened at 8am on Sunday. He knew the history as I'd been taking the cat to him since the end of April when he started showing some symptoms of being wobbly. He didn't hesitate, just said that he would meet us at the surgery and was there within ten minutes. So I really feel that he went over and above for us. He was so compassionate and gentle, and I'm extremely grateful that it was him who sent my lovely boy off to sleep, rather than an emergency vet that we'd never met before. This meant that the vet could talk us through everything, reassured us that we'd done everything we could, and talked us through all the tests he'd run and what had happened to the sister. It helped me, and I'm not beating myself up as I might have done had I not had that reassurance. There is a lot of comfort in a lot of what he said.

[Dolceandgabbana14]

We're using a pet crematorium in Hampshire, it's in beautiful grounds and is so peaceful and the staff are lovely.

The vet wasn't on call. He came out to open the surgery specially. I'm so glad he was there at the end, the reassurance he gave me is very comforting and, as he was the same vet that we'd been seeing for the last few visits, he knew the history of both cats, which I feel helped him to guide us in making the right decision and helped to justify it. I have found his reassurance comforting; I know there was nothing more that we could have done.

[Dolceandgabbana14]

Whoops, didn't think it posted the first reply

[Vinorosso74]

He does sound a well loved and looked after boy. Am so sorry he's gone, they leave such a big gap.
Our vet has a drawing on the wall which a client did reliving the drama of their cat in the consulting room which I think is a nice gesture obviously only if you can draw, my efforts would be binned!

[MrsNuckyThompson]

So sorry. Sounds hard. What a lovely vet. I'd buy him a nice bottle of red wine.

[PosiePootlePerkins]

So sorry for your loss. What a lucky cat to have been so very loved. RIP dear puss

[Doobigetta]

So sorry. It's absolutely heartbreaking when you lose one.