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Moving on after a pet goes missing

(11 Posts)
Imissmyfelinefriend Sun 28-May-17 10:40:47

Name changed.

Our lovely puss went missing nearly 4 months ago. I have been actively searching, posting flyers and posters, updating facebook pages, pounding the streets. Called vets, rescues etc regularly. He is chipped and tagged and there was no reason for him to go sad. We've had no sightings, it's like he disappeared into thin air.

On my walks I see lots of cats. I give them a fuss and get a lump in my throat. I miss my boy so much.

I am feeling so guilty that he is lost and I can't find him. I feel like the worst pet owner. Even though people are kind I feel like they think I could have done more to get my boy home safe.

The thing is I have a deep desire to get another cat. Our home feels so empty. Our dc's miss their pet. But I don't feel like I deserve a cat. And of course there would be the constant worry about it also wandering off and going through all this again.

I don't want to replace our lovely boy. I'll never give up hope that he will return to us.

Has anyone been through this? Did you go on to get another cat? Is the constant worry worth it?

Thank you.

Imissmyfelinefriend Sun 28-May-17 10:47:49

Also, if we did get another cat I would rather adopt an older one. Would rescue centres look down on me because of our missing boy? I know they are quite rightly rigorous when it comes to rehoming. Maybe they'd be worried that I'd lose another one.


TheCatOfAthenry Sun 28-May-17 11:11:57

Be nice to yourself. You're a responsible owner who had their cat chipped and has been searching for months. You didn't lose him. He wandered and went a bit too far and was probably kept by a cat lady, or (hopefully not) hurt and couldn't get home.

Getting a new cat isn't forgetting the missing cat. It's fulfilling your need to have a feline friend and that's okay.

I'm sure any shelter worth its salt is well aware that cats wander and won't hold it against you.

Toddlerteaplease Sun 28-May-17 13:16:04

What about getting an indoor cat? Then you don't need to worry so much about them wandering off. I always thought it was cruel. By my two have no interest in spending longer than 10 minutes in the garden.

Toddlerteaplease Sun 28-May-17 13:16:36

And you never know. The minute you get your new friend home, the other will return!

Floralnomad Sun 28-May-17 13:18:33

Definitely get another , have you looked at cat proof fencing for your garden so they can't wander off .

KingJoffreysRestingCuntface Sun 28-May-17 13:19:50

I had other cats when my boy went missing so there wasn't a gap to fill as such.

Haven't got over it. Whenever I see a ginger cat I stop to see if it's him.

His wife and one of his daughters are next to me now. I really miss him. It's been about five years.

We've moved house since so no chance of him coming back.

There's loads of cats in shelters needing homes. Pop out today and have a look.

smithin Sun 28-May-17 13:29:13

I haven't been through the same but I do know of two different people whose cats went missing and were found again. One had moved into a neighbourhood house and the neighbourhood cat that lived their moved house. They did a houseswap. When both people told the same baker in the village that their cat was missing but a different one showed up the mystery was solved and they swapped the cats back. They then stayed home.

My colleague has a cat that moved in and it took a year to find it's owner. Cat however didn't want to go back but wanted stay with his new friends. He did like seeing his old owner but just didn't want to sleep their.

Maybe they sometimes just want to move out or want a change of scenery or a vacation?

Imissmyfelinefriend Sun 28-May-17 17:01:01

Thanks everyone. I've been so down about it today sad. I keep thinking he'll just wander through the door. Wishful thinking probably.

I'm just not sure I could go through this again. Have thought about an indoor cat. Maybe I could specifically look for an elderly one from a shelter. One that is less likely to wander off.

I just feel so crap about myself and so guilty. I need to pull myself together.

sizeofalentil Sun 28-May-17 17:09:04

Have you tried the wee trick? Wee in a mug and leave it outside your house. The smell is said to travel over a mile and give them a way to find their way home.

My friend said it brought her cat back after four months. So could be worth a try?

NoDramasPlease Sun 28-May-17 17:16:45

Oh I'm so sorry OP. One of mine went missing years ago, like 20 years ago and I still think of her often. I too searched for months and felt guilty for a very long time as I'd kicked her out in a strop after being woken at 5 am sad. I ended up leaving my then BF over it as he couldn't understand how upset I was and kept telling me to get over it (so some good came of it wink). I can also relate to not feeling like I deserved another cat, of course I have had other cats and currently have a 3 year old rescue. Unfortunately it is one of the risks of having a cat and apart from very elderly cats I don't think there are many who are truly happy with an indoor lifestyle. I'm slightly more pragmatic these days and although I'd be heartbroken if anything happened to her i see it as she'd have had a happy few years in a loving home rather than being stuck in a shelter. flowers

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