Knowing when to say goodbye

[GnatsChuff]

My old boy is at least 13. I have had him about 9 years and he was in his prime when I got him, so must be 13 but could be 15 or more. He was only expected to live a few months because he has a heart condition.

He now has a rapidly growing kidney tumour. Surgery is not an option because of his heart and the other kidney is also failing.

He barely eats (a bite or two at a time). He is a bag of bones, which has happened in a matter of days (he was still hunting successfully 10 days ago). He still purrs (but much more quietly), jumps on the bed, enjoys being groomed. His hind legs are very weak and he has a slight neuro twitch as his uraemia progresses.

He can just about get outside still, but got himself disorientated last night and ended up in a nearby street and went into another house. He used to do this a lot in his younger days, which is probably how he ended up as a rescue. I was scouring the area, scared he had gone off to die. Eventually found a post on a local FB page and went and retrieved him, but they had already called the RSPCA who were on their way to fetch him. It terrifies me that they might just have taken him off without my knowledge even though he is chipped. I have now locked his cat flap so he can't wander again. But, he has never liked using a litter tray and will be miserable if I keep him inside all the time.

Everyone keeps saying I will know when the time has come. But I am struggling. I don't want him to get to the point where he is just comatose but I don't want to let him go too soon. The sick feeling last night that he might be whisked away, I feel like I need to let him go, so that it is on my terms.

I don't really expect anyone to be able to give me an answer. I just need to ramble about my precious boy. I am going to miss him so much.

[Want2beme]

GnatsChuff, so sorry. It is an awful time, indeed. You're doing the right thing keeping him in with you. He'll use the litter tray, he'll know what to do. You will know when it's time. I know it's something everyone tells us, but it's very true.

My beautiful boy was PTS a few years ago because of kidney failure. He was 19. I knew he was going down hill, so I took him to the vet and she confirmed that he was at the end of his life. I needed a bit more tome with him to say goodbye, so vet told me it was fine to take him home for one more night and he was PTS the following day. I thought I was coping ok with him gone, as he'd had a long life, but the pain hit me later that day and it took me a long time to deal with it, but it's a natural part of grieving.

I have another old boy, 20, who's reaching the end of his life, sadly, and I'm dreading it. But we do it for them, our faithful furry friends.

Take care of yourself. Thinking of you and your lovely Dcat.

[BabyMoonPie]

Our 16 year old cat had to be PTS last summer and it broke my heart at the time and for months after (although the pain does get easier). You know your cat best as you live with them but why not go and speak to the vet and see what they suggest? There may be investigations and medication that can improve puss' health.

[BabyMoonPie]

Hugs to you both as well, it's awful when your pet is unwell and you just don't know what to do for the best

[sunshinesupermum]

Sending you hugs and strength GnatsChuff such a worry xx

[SkimbleShanksTheRailwayCat]

I could have posted exactly the same yesterday. I bought some special catfood, knowing it would still probably be this week. Got up this morning and knew it was time. Waiting for the vet as I type. Hugs.

[JanuarySmith]

If he's barely eating and is a bag of bones then I'd be looking to do this today. It's better earlier than later.

I know it's sad but it's best for him

[Want2beme]

SkimbleShanksTheRailwayCat, so sorry. Thinking of you too and your little furry friend.

[GnatsChuff]

He's just been out for a little (supervised) mooch round the garden. And is now back inside, lying next to me at my desk as I have a heater in my study. Not much work getting done.

[Vinorosso74]

I feel so bad for you. Call your vets and see if you can speak to the vet for advice.

[GnatsChuff]

I have seen them 3 times in the last 2 weeks between him and the dog and have had extensive conversations about him. Without outing myself completely, I know there is nothing we can do at this point except love him and let him go when he is ready.

If he was being sick or stopped showing an interest in going out, it would be so much easier to make the decision. But, in himself he still seems quite bright.

[Toddlerteaplease]

There is a saying that it is better a week too early than a day to late. You know your boy best. Sending hugs.

[TheDogsMother]

I was going to say exactly the same as Toddler and cats are masters of hiding pain and discomfort so it makes it very difficult to know. I lost both my sister cats within months of each other last year when they both suddenly became ill. I had to make the decision about further exploratory tests but decided I didn't want to put them through all that when the news was unlikely to be good in a cat of 16 years. Its heartbreaking but like a previous poster said if he's not eating and is very skinny its probably time now. Thinking of you and your lovely cat

[SkimbleShanksTheRailwayCat]

Thank you want2

Gnatschuff my cat too went out at the weekend for a mooch around. It gives me some comfort that she was happy doing normal cat stuff to the last day. Thinking of you.

[Tigerblue]

I know exactly how you're feeling as I went through this a couple of weeks ago - you're not rambling by the way, it so hard to make the decision.

My boy was given days/possibly weeks to live recently due to kidney disease. He was a bag of bones as well. After he saw the vet, the next day he was eating normally and doing a few simple things in life like sitting next to me and me being out in the sun with him. The next day he was going through the motions (eating less this time, sleeping more, wanting to be on his own even more), but at the end of the day I didn't feel he'd actually enjoyed it. I made the decision to have him pts the following day, in the night he was suddenly full of beans (a bit like his old self) which supposedly can happen when the time is near. He still went out on his last morning, then came in and was sick. I booked an appointment and just before I took him I could tell he was starting to really go down hill. The vet said he had nausea, hence being sick, and was badly dehydrated. As said before it's better to make that decision early than to leave it too late and they really suffer. If the time is coming whether today or the next few days, try and take in special moments with him, like seeing him out in the garden and him sitting near your desk today.

[GnatsChuff]

The appointment is booked. Children had a chance to say goodbye last night and give him some last cuddles this morning. He had some tuna to eat last night but has gone downhill overnight and is not interested in food at all today. He is ready to go. My lovely SIL has come over to be with me and take me to the clinic.

[PenguindreamsofDraco]

Good luck to you both, I hope the tide goes out easily. I went through this with my 20yo girl a couple of weeks ago. It was, astonishingly, a beautiful peaceful experience. I kissed her and scritched her ear and thanked her for being my cat, and it was over in seconds. Surrounded by love at the end of a long and happy life, and then just fading away before the pain starts - we should all be so lucky.

[SkimbleShanksTheRailwayCat]

thinking of you Gnatschuff

[Tigerblue]

Sending you a hug. It's the hardest decision to make, even if you know it's the right one. In time, you'll be at peace knowing you gave him every moment of life you could. Hold on to your memories of him yesterday.

[MrsMozart]

Hugs. It's hard even when it's right xx

[mawmaw84]

Hi I'm new. My 6 yr old cat was diganoized with a mass the size if a cantolope Tues. Vet said she may have 2 wks or less. She hasn't pooped since Mon. She barely drinks anything. She eats her can food. Vet said not to give her dry food. Any suggestions on when i should put her to sleep? Don't want her to suffer

[Kokusai]

@mawmaw84 it sounds like her time has come now maybe? Like Toddlerteaplease says better too early than too late.

[mawmaw84]

Thank you for your reply. My husband just isn't ready. My kitty is not showing signs of distress or pain