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Would you rehome?

(21 Posts)
countingdown2gin Thu 09-Mar-17 20:50:27

Firstly I love my cat, I've had cats my entire life and this is why I'm questioning whether I should rehome her.

Our cat is lovely, she's got a wonderful temperament never bitten growled and just plods along. She's always been friendly (to the point she's a bit in your face).

Our DS adores her. To the point where it's a little bit too much, he ends up following her around trying to pick her up shutting her in rooms with him and lying on her to cuddle her. She just puts up with it but it's quite clear she doesn't like it.

H isn't a cat person, he's not a pet person in general he just doesn't get it. He shouts at her at the stupidest things (sitting on the sofa) and pushes her off gets really cross when she uses our garden as a litter tray and just goes on about how he hates her. Just to say he never hurts her or this would be a no brainier.

I just feel like this isn't a life for her and she deserves more. She never gets any time to herself and only gets proper affection from me. She's well fed, vaccinated, brushed, foes treated etc by me. I just feel like she should have a better life where she's loved by more than me and gets some peace and quiet.

My mum might take her which would be better for me because I would see her. If not maybe I should find her a new home.

Wwyd?

Fluffycloudland77 Thu 09-Mar-17 20:57:26

Re-home the husband grin

lljkk Thu 09-Mar-17 21:07:30

It doesn't sound that bad for her but it's stressing you out. Have you asked your mom about the idea?

Wolfiefan Thu 09-Mar-17 21:12:14

Stop your DS behaving in a way that upsets the cat. confused
DH shouts at the cat and pushes her? He needs to stop being an arsehole. Didn't you decide to get the cat together or did you have the cat when you met him?

countingdown2gin Thu 09-Mar-17 21:13:17

I've asked her this evening and she said she would have a think but she's already got two.

It would break my DS heart if she went completely (although I know he would forget eventually) so if she went to my mum he could still see her.

I just don't know what to do for the best.

countingdown2gin Thu 09-Mar-17 21:14:53

wolfie she was my cat first.

We are constantly telling DS to be gentle and separating him from her if he gets too excited but he's only 3 so it's a process of teaching not a case of just telling him to stop. He just wants to play with her and it's teaching him that's not an option.

Trustyourself2 Thu 09-Mar-17 21:38:28

I'd be really distressed and angry if I had a DP who treated my pet with unkindess.

I imagine things won't change in your household, so I'd say she's better being in a home with people who all love her. It's not much for a little cat to ask for.

I'd contact rehoming centres if your mum's unable to take her.

hapagirl Thu 09-Mar-17 21:38:31

We've had pets since before we had children and I find children really open to empathy to an animal. Explain that the pet is sad if it's treated like that. Explain that he would not like to be treated like that and he should treat animals (and people) how he would like to be treated. Does the cat have a quiet room she can go to? When I have a lot of children over, I put the cat in my bedroom with her favourite things. As for your DH, I couldn't live with someone who is mean to an animal. Is he nice to you and DS? My DH's total soppiness over our animals is one of the reasons I love him.

Toddlerteaplease Thu 09-Mar-17 21:42:04

Definitely rehome the husband. Not helpful. Being nice to my cats would be non negotiable as they are part of the package. And be firm with your son.

FuzzyWizard Thu 09-Mar-17 21:50:37

I have a rescue cat that sounds a bit like yours. She is such a gentle soul. She never scratches or bites, not even when we've had to put her in the shower or deal with matts caused by her sitting in very sticky stuff. She has a happy life with us, it's just me and DP and we love her but I often wonder how the family who rehomed her could bear to part with her. She's a beautiful cat and the most sweet natured cat I've ever come across. Will you regret it horribly later?

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 Thu 09-Mar-17 21:55:11

You are her family. . If she was miserable she would leave. (assuming she can get outside!)
Def rehome dh (tho won't be easy if he is a pet hater imo - pts maybe!!)
If the cat hated your dc it would stratch!!

countingdown2gin Thu 09-Mar-17 22:07:45

I would regret it almost instantly I'm sure fuzzy but for me it's about her.

girl I'll try that approach, she likes to go in my cupboard for quiet time so I let her go in the jumper drawer!

countingdown2gin Thu 09-Mar-17 22:09:29

trust that's exactly my point. I don't think she's that unhappy but I don't think it's fair on her. She deserves to have a quiet happy time at home.

For me a house without a cat isn't a home but that's a selfish reason to keep her with me

Wolfiefan Thu 09-Mar-17 22:12:28

I think a three year old should be able to leave a cat alone. Ensure cat has an escape route and high places to sleep in.
DH moved in with the cat. And now he suddenly hates her and shouts and pushes her? Completely unacceptable. No way would I rehome. I take my pets on for life.

DumbledoresApprentice Thu 09-Mar-17 22:19:14

My cat is relatively young and a very pretty cat. She was always going to get rehomed quite quickly. When we first got her home she was incredibly clingy, she followed me everywhere and was on my lap all the time. She clearly missed being around people when she was in the shelter and she'd been there for less than a fortnight. I definitely don't think she enjoyed the rehoming process. I'd try to give your cat more hiding spaces at home rather than rehoming.

Leopard12 Thu 09-Mar-17 22:33:18

She might be in the rescue centre for a while depending on how old and cute she is, the kittens go quick and often the other cats can spend ages in there, your ds with teaching will calm down soon, my sister was 3 when we got a kitten and he avoided her as much as possible but then they were best friends for years until he died when she was 17. Depends how stressed the cat is now and on your dh's behaviour.

RamblinRosie Thu 09-Mar-17 23:10:36

OP My DH constantly moans about our cats.

He moans about them sitting on the sofa, then moves and puts the fluffy blanket on the sofa so they're comfy.

He moans that they pester for treats, then I find he's stashed roast chicken "because Muffin *needs it*", then he pops out because we are out of Dreamies.

He moans about them jumping on the bed at night, then lies there going "come on, come on" and patting the quilt.

You love your cat, your son loves your cat, she will teach your son empathy and to be gentle with weaker individuals, valuable lessons.

You don't say whether your H or your cat came first but, if it was cat he should accept that you come as a pair, if it was H, presumably he agreed to having a cat.

I would have a hard time loving someone who had no empathy for my pet, my DH had no experience of pets, then, over a short period, we acquired 3 cats , none planned, all a case of "if not us, then who?".

initially he wasn't enthusiastic, barely tolerant. He once raised his voice and when my first cat cowered, he was mortified, he raided the fridge and has been a slave ever since.

In your position I'd look hard at your H and how he treats you and your son, then I'd rehome your H.

yellowpoppy17 Thu 09-Mar-17 23:34:40

Your husband sounds horrible. Have you asked him to treat the cat with more respect?

RubbishMantra Fri 10-Mar-17 04:52:08

I too think your H sounds unkind. Maybe son is following his example by treating DCat as a 'thing'? sad

If you keep DCat, like a pp suggested, high up places for her to escape. You can get deep shelves and stick carpet off-cuts to them. I did it for mine in the garden. Or you can buy something like this ready made.

countingdown2gin Fri 10-Mar-17 07:14:05

Thanks all, lots to think about. She's currently snuggled up on a big fluffy blanket on the sofa having cuddles before I go to work!

Allergictoironing Fri 10-Mar-17 07:44:05

I'm wondering if your DH is (subconsciously) a bit jealous of your previous relationship with the cat? She was in your life before him, she's getting attention and affection that he may feel should all be his and not shared.

She also gets all the perks of being a family member without any of the hassle & responsibility, your DS obviously adores her in a possibly more overt way than he shows love for his father (whether your DH would want that or not). Grounds for resentment in some people's minds.

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