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If you have a really unloving , disinterested cat...

(30 Posts)
StillMedusa Sun 30-Oct-16 01:17:20

Is there anything you can do to improve things?
I've always had cats... all 49 years of my existence and I am pretty experienced.
Obie is.. an asshole cat.
His sister is timid but sweet and affectionate. He is not. He is six dinner Sid... we know he not only eats, but sleeps in at least 3 houses down our street. He is no nicer there! He wanders in, eats, kips for a while and slopes off again! He cuddles no one.
If I honestly thought he would be happier with another 'owner' I would give him up (despite being a bloody expensive pedigree) but he doesn't seem to like anyone! He treats us like a Premier Inn...wanders in, stuffs his face, kips for a while and goes off again. Hates being cuddled, shows zero affection.
Having had Morph for many years who adored us all, I find it really hard to have a cat that does not give a shit about anyone. I want to be able to stroke him, hear a purr, pick him up... or at least have him acknowledge my existence.
Is there ANYTHING I can do?

thecatneuterer Sun 30-Oct-16 01:18:07

I don't think there is. If you need more cats to cuddle then adopt some more soppy ones. Then you won't mind so much about those that just want to treat the place as a hotel.

lljkk Sun 30-Oct-16 01:30:07

is he mean or vicious? I wonder if love bombing would improve Obie.

RubbishMantra Sun 30-Oct-16 01:48:14

Perhaps you could ask neighbours not to let him in/feed him, (accompanied with a nice bottle of wine), and lie explain that he's on a special diet?

And Morph sounds like an extra special cat - can be hard to adapt to one not quite so affectionate. I read your posts about him... right up until the end. A huge cat shaped hole in your heart to fill.

The only advice I can suggest is ignore him. Fed, watered - the basics. Do you keep him in at night? (an especially good idea, as we have firework season upon us). Let him come to you, and try, hard as it is, not to compare him to your lovely Morph.

I understand it must be upsetting, after having a person oriented and affectionate cat. Does he show his affection in other ways? Like creeping into bed once you're asleep for instance? Does he like interactive games?

Purring doesn't necessarily equate happiness, cats purr for a variety of reasons. Grumpy MCat purrs if you just look at him, the only time Little M purrs is when he's DTD with his furry shag-bag, in spite of being a happy, bouncy little soul, and he scratches the duvet/my bare back to be let in under the duvet. He's not a lapcat though.

He's still in his teenage dickhead years, so hope is not lost!

There will be better experienced than me to advise in the morning, I'm sure.

ToujeoQueen Sun 30-Oct-16 01:56:07

Hopefully he'll become more affectionate with age.

DTD with his furry shag-bag grin

Fluffycloudland77 Sun 30-Oct-16 08:09:30

Turn your heating right down. Instant lap cat.

PosiePootlePerkins Sun 30-Oct-16 09:13:23

I wrote a post a while ago asking if my cat would ever be a lap cat. We got her as a rescue aged 18months having lost our dear old girl aged 18. I was so excited about getting her, but sadly she sounds very similar to yours. She is certainly very pleased to be here and spends her time either out in our large garden, sleeping, or eating. I think she is relishing her freedom, and she just doesn't seem to need love or affection. I think she's learned to be self sufficient.
No advice really I'm afraid. I miss my cuddles with my old girl. I try and ignore new cat really, she just gets in a huff if I try and stroke her too much. Its a shame.

PosiePootlePerkins Sun 30-Oct-16 09:15:05

Ps at least you have one cat who is affectionate! I would seriously consider getting another cat but the rescue said she hates other cats and would need to the only cat in the household...

FlapsTie Sun 30-Oct-16 09:18:13

Our cat is completely non affection. She's very pleasant to have around but she doesn't come near us unless she wants feeding and then it's just a headbut. The closest she gets to us is sleeping on the kids' beds.

She'll tolerate being stroked while she's eating but that's all the affection she wants.

I got a tiny lap dog to fulfil my cuddle needs.

OnlyHereForTheCamping Sun 30-Oct-16 09:18:21

Read mr pushkins, a story of cat redemption

PinkiePiesCupcakes Sun 30-Oct-16 09:21:11

You're misunderstanding the cats actions op.

Just by honouring ypour home with their presence they are showing their affection. They even go as far as eating the food you supply! He clearly loves you dearly! Wow. You should feel as though the king has sat within your presence and be honored by it. grin

I hope it improves though op, maybe find a treat he really likes and use it to bribe him? Likelix or malt paste on your fingers? Get him to associate ypou = treat = nice

PosiePootlePerkins Sun 30-Oct-16 09:23:48

FlapsTie that is exactly like my cat! What sort of lap dog did you get?

FlapsTie Sun 30-Oct-16 09:56:14

She's a chihuahua x jrt. Never leaves my side (or my lap if I'm sat down).

PosiePootlePerkins Sun 30-Oct-16 10:03:59

Ah bless. Sooooo tempted! grin

StillMedusa Sun 30-Oct-16 10:23:54

I think if I got another cat my DH would leave grin I have three... Portia is 17, never been a lapcat but is happy to sit near and purrs and obviously likes keeping us as slaves. Ophie is trying to be a lap cat but falls off.. but sits next to me at night so I feel she is happy. Obie just ignores us all!

I know I shouldn't compare him to Morph... Morph was like no cat I have ever met before or since, but I have never met such an aloof boy as Obie. Even when he comes in for a nap he lies on the landing away from everyone, doesn't visit beds... dh keeps asking if he is well (as Morph only acted like that at the end) but he has had a clean bill of health and looks fabulous..he just doesn't like people and never has..and we had him from 13 weeks and know he has had a charmed existence!

I guess I just have to get over it and hope he mellows with age, but I want a cuddle!!!!!

Brontebiscuits Sun 30-Oct-16 10:35:31

I have 2 rescue cats and one is a bit like this. I also had extremely affectionate velcro cats before these 2. One is actually pretty loving but it seems to come and go a bit. The other is a complete madam . She really does remind me of a selfish teenager but we find ourselves laughing at it now. I know deep down that these 2 don't compare at all with our last cats but I still love them. You need to adjust your expectations. You can't have such special cats every time and I've come to accept that now (though it was hard). TeenageDirtbagCat actually is pretty funny - she also swans in, chooses who she will smarm up to for food then pretty much buggers off again. Sleeps in places as far removed from human company as possible and has only just stopped swiping at the kids after 2 years hmmgrin.

PosiePootlePerkins Sun 30-Oct-16 11:18:07

TeenageDirtbagCat grin That is so funny! We describe ours as a teenager, you can almost here her say 'I'm going out, dunno when I'll be back'
Having said that, yes I am learning to adjust my expectations, have just been outside gardening and she came out, charged around the garden like a loony, climbed up the fence, went in the shed etc etc, then raced back into the house and flopped down. Quite heart warming really when you consider she was in her rescue pen for a few months. I do love her really, would just like a snuggle now and then...

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es Sun 30-Oct-16 11:23:49

One of ours is aloof, she does hang out near me and will allow herself to be picked up and stroked, she is also very gentle and never raises a paw in anger but definitely not affectionate, she never climbs onto laps or snuzzles anyone. I can't see her changing, in fact I like her that way, a velcro cat would do my head in.

Wolfiefan Sun 30-Oct-16 11:30:55

Is he neutered or could his mind be on other things!

exWifebeginsat40 Sun 30-Oct-16 11:32:08

we have just moved somewhere semi-rural. Ginger boy (known as Tommy Two Dinners!) went missing 5 days ago. strolled in this morning, ate two breakfasts (and then everyone else's) and is comatose on the couch. no doubt he'll be off again later to chat up whichever sucker neighbours have been feeding him.

cats are dicks.

StillMedusa Sun 30-Oct-16 12:43:42

Oh he's neutered. Very much so :D

lljkk Sun 30-Oct-16 13:41:40

I want a cuddle!!!!!

Keep imposing on him, quick scratch of the chin, petting when you can etc. Convince him ppl R nice.

lottieandmia Sun 30-Oct-16 19:38:55

What breed is he? We have two ragdolls and the girl is very loving and affectionate (but also sensitive). He is extremely laid back, but also quite aloof really and only likes affection on his terms.

CMOTDibbler Sun 30-Oct-16 19:51:38

One of ours is - she's a rescue though, and very damaged emotionally by her experiences. She hasn't become more affectionate in her 8 years with us really, and only seeks you out in the toilet (she has issues about shut doors). With her, I'm happy that she's happy really.
Evilgingercat will sit on a lap if he so chooses (or a dog - he's not above inhabiting one if he's cold), and sleeps on the bed with us, but its very much on his terms tbh

QuestionableMouse Sun 30-Oct-16 19:57:19

You need a ragdoll! My sisters cat is part ragdoll and is the most snuggly cat going.

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