Please help, rescue cat HATES us [sad]

[milkmilklemonade12]

We adopted 2 cats in October, aged 9 and 8 (northern and daughter). The mother is chunky, loving and just a real lap cat. She's a beauty. Her daughter is just as beautiful, but she hates us.

She yowls really badly all the time, and literally only stays to eat, yowl a bit and then she literally screams to be let out. We took her to the vet as I was worried the yowling meant pain. Well that was a game in itself; we took both actually, to be weighed and have a registry check over as we hadn't been before. Getting mum into her carrier was a bit of a struggle, but fine. Daughter screamed, hissed, spat, yowled for hours (during and after) and scratched my husband really, really badly. We coaxed, bribed, spoke love lovingly and in light voices the whole time. DH didn't even shout in pain even when she bit and then scratched so badly, he was so conscious of not stressing her out. We put feliway in the box and her favourite blanket, toys and treats too. DH's hand still not healed completely several weeks on. Vet said nothing wrong, just vocal.

Fine, but since then the behaviour has become more like that of a feral cat. She yowls if we go near her, she's out 23 hours a day, she'd rather be in a freezing cold garden/alleyway then in the warm with her mum and us.

I don't know what to do. I feel like she hates us, and I'm starting to stress about summer holidays. How on earth we will get her into her carrier to be taken to the cattery is beyond me. We can't even get near.

The mum seems pretty indifferent to it all, she stands at the flap and calls for her in the evening, daughter comes in, bolts food, yowls and runs off again.

I can't honestly think of what we've done so wrong, since mum loves us and even tries to sleep with us! DS is nearly 6 and keeps well away from daughter, and there's someone home full time. We've tried feliway plug ins, catnip, toys, leaving her alone, lots of play and attention, I can't think of anything else...

What can I do? This is really stressing me out and I'm so sad she hates us I wanted to give her a better life but it hasn't worked, has it?

[milkmilklemonade12]

Mother of course not northern!! Sorry!

[SuburbanRhonda]

Can you have a chat with the rescue about this? Ask whether she was showing similar behaviour there, and how they managed it?

Would you consider rehoming her if things don't improve?

[milkmilklemonade12]

No I really want to keep them, her mum has settled so well. I don't want her to go back to rescue, either of them I do love them.

[milkmilklemonade12]

See she does seem to love mum. And mum loves her, although the yowling does get too much for her sometimes also and she gives her a cuff!

I'm worried that mum would pine. She does look for her in the evenings and call to her and things.

The problem is; mum likes us, daughter hates us.

[milkmilklemonade12]

A book could be good... What about foxes though?

[Penfold007]

Oh how difficult. Can you compromise and accept that daughter is an independent, feisty cat who uses you for food but mum is enjoying being a lap cat?
We have two rescue cats and they are like chalk and cheese.

[milkmilklemonade12]

nook for gods sake!

[abbsismyhero]

she obviously still gets on with mom if mom is calling her in for food in the evenings and she is coming in maybe she needs medicating or more time? how long have you had her?

[SpongeBobJudgeyPants]

That sounds quite difficult. Re the cattery, we have a lovely person who does two home visits a day while we are on holiday to feed and fuss the furry. She is primarily a dog-walker. FurrySponge prefers this to going in a cattery, and I don't think it costs any more than the cattery option.

[Wolfiefan]

Can you give her somewhere to hide?
Hand feed tasty morsels?
Feliway?
Play with her? (Laser pointer?)

[milkmilklemonade12]

penfold I can absolutely accept that, my worry is how on earth we'll round her up to put her in a carrier for holiday/vet. Since the vet incident, which was New Year; the behaviour has gotten markedly worse.

It's essentially like having a feral cat, really.

[SpongeBobJudgeyPants]

Less stressful for them than having to move out for a bit too.

[milkmilklemonade12]

wolfie we've got heaps of places for her to hide, including the garage which is actually a utility room which comes off the kitchen via a door. There's heating and carpet in there and that's where they eat and have beds and hidey holes, although we have got beds and things dotted about the house. We've had feliway in both a spray and plug in to no discernible effect, and she doesn't enjoy playing (I've spent heaps on different toys), but only mum likes to play.

I'm not trying to bat all your ideas away; they are all good ones, but we have tried everything I think. Unless there's a secret to getting a cat to stop hating you; I think we've had it.

[milkmilklemonade12]

polter possibly, yes. However the noises she's making are very throaty, long howls and yowls; a bit like the yowling you'd hear if you heard cats fighting outside.

[SpongeBobJudgeyPants]

I think you may have missed my post about how to avoid the cattery ;)

[lljkk]

Young one could change... mine have changed over years.
We managed to love bomb one into not scratching all the time just sometimes. His weakness is blankets on laps, he's in there like a shot.

[abbsismyhero]

have you tried fresh catnip? my old lady cat was a terrible traveler but she had the catnip gene so the last long journey i gave her some catnip and she drooled her way quite happily to our new home you could quite literally do anything with her while under the influence (she was quite frankly stoned off her face) normally she was a stroppy sod give her catnip and she turned into a drooling ball of love in smaller doses it made her more loving less nippy

[Gunpowder]

I am not a cat expert but when I was a teenager we adopted two kittens (we lived abroad and their mother had been killed and they would have been too, if DM hadn't rescued them). One was always very friendly and slept indoors with us, a 'normal' cat; the other was semi feral and would bite, scratch and hide, she also preferred to sleep outside. It was a huge struggle to get her neutered and chipped, and catching/taking her to the vets was traumatic. We moved several times (including countries) so she had to be caught then, and go into quarantine/catteries, but when we went on holiday even for a whole summer we just left her (on advice of vet) as catching her was so distressing for all. A neighbour put dry food out, we had a summer house she would sleep in/under which helped, and she was a good hunter. Anyway, she never became a friend like her sister but eventually would tolerate our strokes. She outlived her sister and didn't die until 20, so clearly the hard life agreed with her! We treated them both exactly the same way, so maybe she had been hurt by someone before we got her or maybe she was just a bit evil(!) but she was super healthy. We just felt sad she was sad iykwim. It doesn't sound like you have done anything wrong, I think they are lucky to have a lovely owner.

[IguanaTail]

Have you tried Dreamies?
Also make your eyes really heavy lidded and almost closed when you are near her - they normally mimic and relax.

Cats are very solitary. If there is another in the house they don't tend to have all that much to do with each other, although they sometimes cuddle up together. She may well be happier on her own in another house where she doesn't have to share territory at all. Ask the shelter for advice?

[milkmilklemonade12]

Yes spongebob, sorry I did see that that's definitely a great idea and I'll seriously look into that. I suppose that would be sort of ideal for a dog walker hey? Plus then someone is physically going into the house whilst we're away, that's always a good thing.

[Girlfriend36]

Do you know if she was handled much as a young kitten? She sounds feral, I wouldn't take it personally but just do what you can to make it easier for her. Def a bed and somewhere sheltered outside, feed outside? I think you will prob have to accept this is a cat who doesn't like people very much!!