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would you tell your 9 yr old you're having cat PTS?

(36 Posts)
StirredNotShaken Wed 06-Jan-16 08:58:41

Would you? Or would you just take cat to the vets and then tell DS that cat passed away?

DeckTheWallsWithLotsOfMolly Wed 06-Jan-16 09:02:12

I was that age, it would have been so much worse to have been lied to.
At least I got to say goodbye and to grieve.
But you know your child best.

SnootBoop Wed 06-Jan-16 09:06:42

yes tell!

Let him say goodbye and have a last cuddle before you take the cat to the vet.

We've just had to do this unfortunately and it helps them to understand the reality, more than just describing what happened afterwards.

mummytime Wed 06-Jan-16 09:22:40

Yes - especially if attached to the cat. My 11 year old was there when we had to have our cat PTS, it would have been cruel if she hadn't been.

Dibaba Wed 06-Jan-16 09:24:05

Tell her but be careful about having her there. Our cat really struggled at the end sad and it was so awful to see. I was relieved the kids weren't there to see it. They said goodbye in another room.

Branleuse Wed 06-Jan-16 09:24:54

I wouldnt. Id tell them the cat had died, but then it might depend on the child as to whether they could handle it. Theres no need to go into the details of how it happened.

Poledra Wed 06-Jan-16 09:26:57

Yes, tell your child. My children were actually there when our childminder's dog had to be put to sleep at home (he was very elderly and took a sudden turn for the worse) and, while they were desperately sad, the children (all the mindees and the CM's own child) were glad to have been able to say goodbye to him and my youngest and the CM's child sat and stroked the dog whilst he slipped away. He had been a huge part of all their lives, he was an absolutely wonderful dog sad

StirredNotShaken Wed 06-Jan-16 10:58:23

Thank you, I have already told my dd but she is 18 so is more able to comprehend why and what it means. As ds is 9 I am more concerned. I know he will cry and holler but I don't want him to think I am horrid for making this decision. It is an awful decision to have had to make but our poor cat cannot walk and spends hours sitting behind the Tv where she cannot be bothered or disturbed. The vet is of the opinion that her life quality is seriously and irreversibly compromised. Poor puss - I am beyond sad sad

nipersvest Wed 06-Jan-16 11:03:16

we had our old cat pts last year, he was ill so we all sat down as a family and talked it through and explained to the dc's (ds is 10, dd is 13) that he may not survive much longer. so the seed was sown that might be the outcome, on the day it happened, they were both at school and i took him to the vet.

they knew it was coming and i told them as soon as they were home. lots of tears, ds sobbed all night.

we lasted a week before we were at the rescue center, and chose a kitten. i told them our old cat had a long and happy life with us and now it was another cats turn to be rescued.

steppemum Wed 06-Jan-16 11:12:46

yes tell.
I think it is unfair to over protect children against death of pets. Loving, losing and grieving are part of life, and we learn how to cope with big things later in life by having these experiences as a child.

I would firmly come down on the 'the vet said he is in pain now and it isn't fair to him to let him live in pain' (or whatever)
rather than 'I have decided the time has come'

Let him say goodbye, warn his teacher if it is a school day, but don't take him to the vets with you.

SoupDragon Wed 06-Jan-16 11:21:17

DD was 7 when I had one of out cats PTS. I knew before I took the cat to the vet that this was going to happen but what I told DD, and her older brothers, is that it was likely that the cat wouldn't be coming home and they should say their goodbyes. I didn't tell her that the cat had been PTS, just that she had died. I didn't think she needed to know the details.

The cat was obviously very unwell so I had been preparing the children for what I saw as inevitable. It was still horrendous though and I still get tearful 3 years on.

Sorry to hear about your cat flowers

SoupDragon Wed 06-Jan-16 11:22:33

Both DD and DS2 who was 12 had to be picked up from school the following day for "feeling unwell".

StirredNotShaken Wed 06-Jan-16 11:23:49

My beautiful Gracie

gleam Wed 06-Jan-16 11:24:31

I would tell.
How about a photo of them each holding the cat?

Very sorry. flowers

steppemum Wed 06-Jan-16 11:25:01

oh she is lovely sad

gleam Wed 06-Jan-16 11:25:27

Beautiful. smile

StirredNotShaken Wed 06-Jan-16 11:26:25

I think I will tell him the truth. Then he will have no expectations of her coming home rather than me having to pick him up and then tell him that she 'didn't make it.' Might be best to get it all out in the open before. Ugh! Horrid time sad

StirredNotShaken Wed 06-Jan-16 11:27:54

So sad for her

tootsietoo Wed 06-Jan-16 11:28:37

Definitely. And explain why it is the kind and right thing to do and how much worse to leave the cat to suffer. And give him a chance to say goodbye. If you believe you are doing the right thing then you should show your son how you are doing the right thing. I think we are lucky to be able to do this for our pets - it's about their comfort at the end, not our feelings.

Wolpertinger Wed 06-Jan-16 11:36:46

Yes, it's part of growing up and learning about how we care about our cats and don't let them suffer.

SnootBoop Wed 06-Jan-16 14:29:45

Oh what a beautiful cat, so sorry OPthanks

StirredNotShaken Wed 06-Jan-16 23:48:18

Tomorrow is the day. How do I know it's the right decision. sad

SnootBoop Thu 07-Jan-16 07:50:09

Oh love, it's so hard isn't it?

Gracie has no quality of life now so it's the right decision.

thanks and hugs for you OP.

SoupDragon Thu 07-Jan-16 08:00:07

I think that, if you are considering it, then it is the right decision sad flowers

StirredNotShaken Thu 07-Jan-16 08:52:37

God this is awful. She has an appt at 940am. She has no idea. I feel awful. How do we ever really know it's the right decision sad

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