Struggling to bond with a new kitten...

[catbasilio]

Got a lovely kitten (our first one) over a week ago, all good apart from 2 things: 1) After experiencing how cat poop and pee smells, I smell the everywhere, all the time, the smell is lingering in my nose even after I have left the house. It is paranoid, but I do not know how to stop it 2) I struggle to bond with it. It is lovely and good natured, but it feels like it is invading my space. Maybe I am too tired after work, but I just want to relax and close my eyes, and get on with my things, and not to pet my kitten.

We treat the kitten well. One of my DC is happy, the other is quite indifferent. The kitten gets lots of attention. I do not want to give up, but I am guilty of feeling nothing for the kitten.

How to bond? (and how to overcome this mental smell of cats poop?)

[WatermelonWomble]

Well calling the kitten 'it' isn't going to help.

How often are you cleaning the litter tray? I do mine at least twice a day- just scoop out the wet or poo, bag it and bin it. It stays much fresher that way. Also buying a covered litter tray will help contain the smell (if you don't already have one.)

[SquadGoals]

Have you named him/her?

DH brought two home 5 weeks ago without telling me or is discussing it. They have got so under my skin and are currently snuggled up to me in bed.

Maybe set aside 2-3 15 min slots per day just for you interacting with the kitten. Depending on his/her mood, it could be playing, relaxing or just stroking.

[cozietoesie]

I suspect that the smelling cat poo and cat pee all the time is connected with negative feelings about the kitten. (Did you smell poo and pee from the DCs all the time when they were little?)

Kittens are also a little over-rated in my experience. They're just bundles of ......kittenness...... and so amazinlgy full-on. The things I really remember from my boys were to do mainly with their extraordinary first forays at manipulating their adoring public! (eg deliberately sitting 'just so' against pale surfaces with their best side turned to the cameras etc etc. That's Siamese for you.)

I wouldn't worry too much if you're not feeling anything strongly right now - cuteness is all very well but once s/he starts showing their personality it will almost certainly be a different thing.


Is it a girl or a boy by the way? And you need to post a picture as well - those are the rules here.

[catbasilio]

We have not named it yet. We are trying but nothing sticks for some reason. I do pet him but find it just another chore. He is sweet when I with him. But as soon I am away from him, I do not want to see him again. Perhaps I am just in the wrong emotional state. My life is quite distressed as it is, and I was hoping that the kitten will soften it, but it is just another one that needs something from me.

As I am typing here on MN, I just felt a gush of cat litter smell (the kitten is nowhere near me) and I realized it is only in my head unless I stink myself which I hope I do not!

I really do not want to give up. Just need to continue petting commitment. Hope the feelings will come.

[catbasilio]

He is a boy, a lovely kitten overall, I cannot "fault" him. I was advised to get a kitten rather an adult cat for the children to bond better - not sure if it makes any sense though.

When I think of it, I did not particularly enjoy the baby stage of my children, either, though smells did not bother me, no, lol.

Here he is.

[hiddenhome2]

Why on earth did you get this poor creature? they're not toys you know. Live animals shit, moult and can smell

Find 'it' a new home. One of your friends or family might take it. You're not a cat person and it's grossly unfair on the cat.

I'm really hoping this thread is a wind up

[hiddenhome2]

Poor thing. Get yourself a fake fish tank. You can find them on Amazon.

[Wolfiefan]

That cat is beautiful. You need to give the poor bugger a name. Spend time playing with it.
Kittens are hard work. One of mine woke me up at some ungodly hour this morning with a claw in my ear!
Do you think how you feel is less about the cat and more about how you feel able to cope with all life throws at you? You sound anxious. Any depression? (I say this as someone who has suffered.)

[cozietoesie]

OK - so you brought the kitten in to 'help sort you/your family' rather than to enjoy him?

No-one, man nor beast can be expected to do that if it's you that needs to work on your own issues.

[cozietoesie]

PS - this is quite a cat-specific board so although your kitten is possibly the primary focus of your problems at the moment, another board might be better placed to discuss more general issues.

[Fluffycloudland77]

I didn't really like mine to begin with. I love him now but it took a while.

You might need a covered tray with a charcoal filter for the smells, cleaning them straightaway into scented nappy sacks helps.

[Leavingsosoon]

You're definitely not pregnant?

I just find some smells really bother me when I'm pregnant. I know cat wee isn't a lovely smell anyway but I found it utterly vile when pregnant. One of ours wees if you DS leave washing lying around and he poos too - it stank, and I couldn't stand it!

[snicks1977]

Poor poor kitten! If a kitten isn't for you then let him go to another home where he will be loved -I know you don't want to give up, but to become well behaved little things they need love and affection and sometimes training - bit like children ;)

Not sure how old he is but I'm guessing he's litter trained? Buy a better quality litter, get a better quality tray, empty it more often - I have two big ones and a new one who is currently causing more havoc than twins!

But she's adorable and I love her! The fact she managed to just steal a bra from my drawer that I left open and present it to me as a present makes me a tad concerned!

my house never smells of cat mess, I have enough trays with quality litter and a litter locker which I pop the nasty in - maybe your just over sensitive

Have had friends without cats always comment my house is not one that smells of cat

Cats are quite clever and if you don't like him, well he's not going to like you. Maybe pets just aren't for you? Don't think you should be ashamed by that just give him up before he gets old and dribbles everywhere and you send him to a farm because you can't handle him

[Leavingsosoon]

Kittens can be hard work but they grow fast OP, honestly :)

Give him a name. You'll miss him being small and snuggable soon. I have 4 cats and they all have really annoying habits, but I forgive them when I see them all curled up together.

[snicks1977]

No cat (let alone human) wants a litter tray in the kitchen surely!!!

[Leavingsosoon]

Out litter tray is in the kitchen because I don't really fancy running round the house with cat shit!

[PinkSparklyPussyCat]

Poor little chap. I can't believe you've had him a week and haven't given him a name - referring to him as 'it' is horrible. If you really can't bear him then please rehome him to someone who will give him the love and care he needs.

If you do decide to rehome him for God sake don't put him on Gumtree or advertise him as free to a good home. I just wish I could take him.

[FinestGrundyTurkey]

Not sure the lack of a name is deeply significant. I've had mine 2 months & we're bonded to bits but he's still called 'kitten' & at this rate he will be when he's an ancient monster.

Yours does look sad in your pic though, OP

Agree that the poo/wee smells are easily dealt with if you get the right tray & litter, & scoop regularly.

But maybe you have done this at the wrong time and/or for the wrong reasons. If nobody in your family is that bothered then it would be kinder to pass him on to someone who is

Good luck

[MissMarpleCat]

What?? That kitten is gorgeous. Is it just me, but I find it very odd to have a pet and not have a collection of names lined up??
I've always found cats (and dogs) to be sentient beings, they know if you don't like them.
I'm feeling very sorry for your kitten, and want to give it a big fuss and hug. And a name

[Leavingsosoon]

Ladies, OP is going through a difficult time, she said.

It sounds like she's just struggling, and the kitten is one more thing to worry about.

OP, lots of problems are solved by a purring cat :)

[MissMarpleCat]

I agree Leaving

[catbasilio]

Thanks for the good pointers. I just had a play session with the kitten.

On a good note, we do have a list of names :) it is just nothing we call him truly sticks.

I did not realise this before but it could be that I am depressed. I did have a vision of me and the kitten having cuddles together and all worries purring away.

Our litter tray is covered with the filter but without the flap as the kittten has not learnt to open it yet. It is in the downstairs cloakroom, which is by the front door and kept open for the kitten (I can smell it when I come home).

The photo is his first day at hours and yes he was scared. Not anymore!

[Leavingsosoon]

I wouldn't worry: he is obviously very well looked after which is what counts. I know some posters mean well but cats aren't humans and actually don't give a toss if you love them or not.

I'm fond of my cats, and I am sad if they die, and I look after them well but I don't love them.