Please help. Sad post , need hand holding awaiting autopsy results. Does anyone know about congenital condition/heart

[alltoomuchrightnow]

I have also posted this in Chat for more traffic. Is there anyone who could just hold my hand or give some advice/ input especially about heart problems or their verdict on this.. below orig post.. (obviously i don't know if is heart but trying to go by logic here..)



Our beloved pet died on Thursday. He had turned one year old this month.
He had no problems we were aware of and in the morning was his normal playful loving and active self. DP and I both left for work in the morning.

He was 99% an indoor cat by his own choice although had started sitting on outside window sill at night and would occasionally jump down (would always come back in within ten minutes). He was frightened of the outdoors in daytime and the times I tried him on a harness he just shook with fright and pulled me back in. In a way it was a relief to us as we wouldn't have to worry about him with cars etc or potential poisoning . So this is just to show the background.. mainly an indoor cat who seemed in perfect health, was chipped, neutered and had his jabs. We often spent more on his food than on ours! For a while DP was buying him expensive organic food.

I came home from work later than normal that evening and found him dead in the hallway , he looked peaceful and asleep so it was an absolute shock and I"m still in total shock. His mouth, ears, eyes, nose, back parts all clean. No vomit or diarrhoea anywhere in house (he could not get out of house). No signs of anything abnormal . I'm not squeamish as worked in a cattery years ago and helped out in the adjoining vets there - so i checked him fairly thoroughly. Didn't prise mouth open but lifted up lips and his teeth were clean. I smelt his mouth and there was nothing to detect in fact it smelt 'clean' even though he was dead
He was pure white apart from two faint little black spots on his head. His hearing was perfect and he had amber eyes. His last checkup was fine and vet said he had none of the problems that white cats had e.g. heart problems (is this true though? have googled this and it throws nothing up, only seems to associate deafness with them) I was told because of the black spots he didn't have the full white cat genes and therefore would be healthier (his mum is pure white half persian and dad we think is a black and white moggy)
His brother is totally 100% pure white but with odd eyes and has a heart murmur (is not deaf). My boy did have leg tremors. I can only describe it as like Parkinsons. I know cats twitch in their deep sleep but he started twitching his legs when merely relaxing like when was drowsy rather than deep sleep. (he didn't twitch when playing or fully awake but still)
So logic tells me this death was sudden and in his sleep (as body was so relaxed) and related to heart/ congenital

But I am also tearing myself apart and torturing myself. Is there a poison that doesn't show up. did he somehow get one of my thyroid tablets (thyroxine) which could cause heart attack. did he swallow something . etc etc. It's hell waiting for the results. What if it's something myself and or DP did as in missed, overlooked
You see, we have a messy house. DP is a hoarder. But it was always a house with cat. I moved in with DP last year and his ancient cat also passed last year. We got the kitten about a week after old cat passed (not as replacement.. we were going to have them both together was the plan)The house is messy & chaotic but I would not say unsafe for a pet. Before we got kitten we made sure we felt it was safe enough for a lively kitten. But i'm paranoid. Is there something we missed, overlooked. some nook and cranny he got into that we couldn't get into to see (it's an old dilapidated cottage). We never have things like anti freeze around and anything else has lids on and on high shelves. What if he ate an insect that got in house that was poisoned (our loo is semi outside... in outhouse.. always full of beasties) We should have sorted the house before getting kitten but it's DP's place and i cant change his hoarding so there was only so much i could do and more like rearranging of stuff as he wont chuck stuff out. (the worst is in a room we don't use though) it all happened quickly as kitten needed home quickly .

All I know is our baby is gone and I am heartbroken . I need peace of mind with the results that it was nothing we could have done. I just don't know. We don't have children and can't have children and he was our baby. Our whole world.

[Liney15]

So sorry your cat has died. I'm sure someone more eloquent than me will be along but please don't torture yourself with thinking that you caused it. You gave him a kind, loving home where he was happy for his short life.

[Allofaflumble]

Oh you poor thing. It will not have not have been your fault in any way and lots of cats live in chaotic houses.

It is very sad but please give yourself a break. You loved and cared for your cat and there is no way anyone could have forseen this. (hugs).

[alltoomuchrightnow]

i just want the results so that we can rule certain things out . but then we have to try and accept he's gone and how much we miss him. i keep looking for him , i forget and call his name , every sound i think it's him.

[SunnyAgain]

What a very sad thing to have happened, I'm so sorry to read this. From the way you wrote it sounds as though you cared for your cat deeply, and looked after him as well as you possibly could, and I'm sure you could not have prevented what happened.

[cozietoesie]

I'm so sorry.

My own Darling Oneago dropped dead at 8 years old and completely without warning. He was dead within a minute or two - the doorbell rang and I went downstairs to pick up a parcel from the postie - who he hated - and by the time I went back upstairs again, he had died. (When I left the room he was sitting washing himself.) It was literally that quick.

We didn't have an autopsy conducted due mainly to the fact that we weren't sure there was much point - he wasn't a breeding cat - and it was so very quick that we were also certain it was a heart or brain issue. Like your cat was mainly, he was an indoors boy but youngish, very active and lived in a pretty ordered household with virtually no access to anything which could be regarded as a toxic substance. It just happened.

There's some guidance on HCM here which has links to further guidance on heart issues but I doubt there's anything you could have done. I think you can do regular ultrasound testing but that's really to eg establish whether there's an issue as far as I can see so that the knowledge can inform breeding issues. A vet's view might be useful for you.

As the hoarding looks to be causing you anxieties, why not pop over to the Housekeeping board? There are some threads there on hoarding issues if you just wanted to read rather than post.

[alltoomuchrightnow]

hi, the hoarding was my next thing to tackle, before this happened :-( I can't change DP and it's his house/ his choice (i mean yes it's both our home but it's his house, i moved in, he's been here many years) he won't get rid of stuff, we have had discussions before. maybe we can move things bit by bit into storage and we are getting storage nearby. That's the only way he might consider. He couldn't cope with actually giving the stuff up. Being out of sight and not in house would make all the difference
The post mortem is on Wednesday. Such a long wait when he came to them early Saturday morning :-( Someone else suggested HCM and it does seem more likely, which is some reassurance.
The pain of missing him is overwhelming as I'm crying and knowing he's gone yet by habit looking out for him. I hear a little noise as i sit here and expect him to run up and tap my leg asking me to play like he always did. This is the time of night he woke up as he was very nocturnal. Little bugger would keep me up all night demanding to be entertained! I'm glad I did or he'd have had lots of lonely boring nights. He wore me out but i'm glad now. It meant more time with him. Coming through the front door is the worst as no greeting. And also when i came through the front door Friday eve that's where I found him. in the hallway

[alltoomuchrightnow]

so beautiful!

[alltoomuchrightnow]

So sorry to hear that Cozietoesie. What a shock. I do take some comfort from I'm sure was instant and he was unaware or at least only for a split second

[cozietoesie]

I can only reiterate my own experience which was that my boy went out pretty young, in otherwise full health and on a morning when he was happy - and incredibly quickly. Those were a great help to me in dealing with the loss and the memory.

It's very hard though, so I feel for you.

[cozietoesie]

x post

He was a really lovely boy.

[alltoomuchrightnow]

today has been pretty awful. Since I found him on Friday I've had non stop migraine or headache. I was thankful to not be working and did cancel work on Saturday night. So today I got a phone call from my second job (not my shop job but my casual job in local pub) i.e. where are you (for lunchtime shift). I think i had agreed to it many weeks ago and totally forgot about it. I was getting over a migraine but I went in 50 minutes late. They are not the nicest people but I need the money and don't like letting people down.. so I did a horrible hot shift with a bad head and kept wanting to cry. I am feeling pretty much at my lowest today probably because the shock is wearing off and i feel so low and depressed. I can't bear the thought of the autopsy tomorrow but for peace of mine it's so necessary. Obviously we can't have the body back after autopsy (well we can but you know what i mean? not pleasant and couldnt view it) so I guess will have to pay for cremation. I don't really want ashes (is that wrong?) or the body so..... that's it. I do have a few loose whiskers and bit of fur in a box. and my memories . I feel sick and shaky , my anxiety is at its peak, waiting for results. I just don't know what to do with myself . The place is a mess and i have no joy or interest in anything. I used to have to hoover so much because he was moulting his thick white coat and now I think, if i hoover I'm cleaning up what's left of him frown emoticon I guess these are not 'normal' thoughts to have eh frown emoticon He is gone and I have to accept that. There is white fur all over corner of my red velvet curtain as it's where he used to sit. It upsets me to look at yet i want to leave it

[PinkSparklyPussyCat]

Oh you poor thing. There's nothing wrong with how you are feeling - you are grieving and everyone grieves differently. You've had a terrible shock and it's going to take time. Be kind to yourself

[alltoomuchrightnow]

would HCM show on an autopsy? if not then I guess they can't do an ultrasound on a dead animal? would a blood test show it.
today has been awful, i feel so sick awaiting tomorrow's results . I think today is the worst day the shock is wearing off and the grief and depression is really full on

[cozietoesie]

I don't know whether they will be able to say for certain what caused it.

It sounds, though, as if you're maybe trying to delay the full impact of grieving for him by fixing on tomorrow. (And not succeeding a whole lot.) Have you spoken to your DP or any good friends about his death?

[alltoomuchrightnow]

i've talked to DP about it a lot also with my mother and best friend (who he came from.. it could impact on her as might need to get Caspurr's mother tested... whom she has... she also has his aunt and cousin)
Yes I am fixing on tomorrow and feeling sick about it but also hoping there will be answers. If there's not, then what...I guess we'd have to ask for blood test.
Have had a long talk about it and will let body go to cremation and not have the ashes. It's not a matter of finances but that we don't feel the ashes would help (I do realise they help others but it's not right for us) We have memories of him every where we look and as i said, a fur clipping and whiskers that i'd picked off carpet

[alltoomuchrightnow]

DP says it's odd that I want to get rid of the dress I was wearing that day (when I found Caspurr dead). I'll give it to the RSPCA shop I co run. I just know i'd always associate it if i kept it. DP thinks it's unnecessary but does admit we all feel grief in different ways.

[cozietoesie]

...If there's not, then what...

I just don't know, that's all - perhaps one of the vets who post might know.

You're hurting a lot, it's clear.

[alltoomuchrightnow]

they don't know for sure . they think cardio vascular. there was nothing obvious except that his lungs were lying normally BUT looked a bit lumpy in appearance. What can be ruled out is .. definitely NOT poison/ blockage/ thrombosis/ stroke/
there is no organ malfunction
no malnutrition (well we knew that, he had posh food). no tablets swallowed
He looked so perfect they think he went instantly in his sleep with no struggle

They don't think there's necessarily a significance re his leg tremors. They DO think there is re his odd eyed brother having a murmur. Said odd eyes indicates a genetic disorder

we can choose to have tissue sent off for analysis

Caspurr had one sister and three brothers. The sister is going to have a scan - her owner has all the above info from me.

[cozietoesie]

You sound calmer. Have the results helped you?

[cozietoesie]

PS- I don't think that different coloured eyes necessarily indicate a genetic disorder so I'd have to disagree with them on that. (Happy to be corrected by one of the vets who post.) They indicate a genetic influence of some sort but who knows what that might be - there are likely so many factors.

[alltoomuchrightnow]

a bit, yes, Cozie because it ruled out my worst fears. Logic told me I couldnt have possibly harmed him in any way i.e. messy house, but I was torturing myself and the wait was so long

[alltoomuchrightnow]

we need to make a quick decision re further analysis (his tissue). Dp is ringing them in morning and then away till Monday. Will feel so alone without my little shadow kitty.

[cozietoesie]

It's surely very hard - we've most of us been through it here so know sort of how you feel.

Is there much point in carrying on with the analysis? I know that my own thoughts are influenced by my own Darling Oneago's sudden death and our complete certainty that it was his heart and nowt to do with us - but is it time to let it go now? Your decision of course.

[alltoomuchrightnow]

really upset today and crying at work. not professional I know. but hey it's the RSPCA so... you have to love animals to work for them i guess! We don't have the option now of the tissue analysis. I thought we still did. It does seem we had a real mix up in communication. I had thought it was left that I could still make the decision. But they put him in freezer and that destroys the cells so we can't have it done now. It would have cost £400-£500 but just wanted the option (as they are keeping the body till Tuesday when it goes for cremation) It's taken out of our hands now... perhaps it's for the best who knows. I have some peace I'm sure he went instantly and nothing we did (or could have done) but ideally of course wanted a definite answer. Members of his cat family will be having scans done

[cozietoesie]

I think that that's probably for the best.

I recall that when my Darling Twoago died, I was crying for a week or more including at work - I felt as if I'd lost a few skins so the slightest thing would have me weeping. Don't be ashamed of loving so much.