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I just don't feel the same way about new(ish) cats as I did about my old ones.

(14 Posts)
Tinfoiled Wed 15-Jul-15 08:29:47

Had them for nearly 3 months. I just don't seem to have the same affection for them. One is pretty standoffish (although she quite obviously prefers me to anyone else) and the other, although more affectionate is more bonded to the other cat. I know it's wrong but I can't help comparing them to my very lovely old cats. I care for the new cats and have done all the responsible things, chipped, vacc'd insured etc but I just don't have a depth of feeling for them. I miss my old cats more than ever sad. Does anyone understand and will the love for them come?

hugoagogo Wed 15-Jul-15 08:40:29

I'm sure it will come.

I am on my third cat as an adult and each time I have been unsure as to whether I could love another the same way.

I'm right too- I don't love this cat the same way as the one we lost two years ago- but I do love her smile.

She is so different and lovely, it's taken quite a while though.

Tinfoiled Wed 15-Jul-15 09:58:58

Thanks Hugo. I think my old cats were just far more people orientated than these 2. And they so obviously adored me grin. Which sounds very needy of me!!

Wolfiefan Wed 15-Jul-15 10:03:30

I'm dreading this. We have just lost our 19 year old cat and the house feels empty. We were lucky with her and her son. They were lovely and easy.
I think we just need to wait and then get something totally different. Kittens? Look nothing like our old cats?
But I'm not expecting to love them instantly. They won't replace our old girl or be the same. We will not have the same history. But we can make new memories.
But first I need to stop crying over the poor old girl!

Tinfoiled Wed 15-Jul-15 10:08:35

I waited a year since our last cat died Wolfie. I wasn't really thinking of them as 'replacements' as such. Just missed having cats about the place. They are lovely cats in their own way, funny and entertaining. And it's lovely seeing them groom one another (something our old ones never did).
Sorry about your old girl.

ShuShuFontana Wed 15-Jul-15 10:09:19

my first cat is still my favourite, he loved me and only me, everyone else was tolerated. He chose me, he was the first one given to me to look at, and as the owner passed me the other kittens to see he pushed in, made a nuisance of himself and settled on my lap and gazed at me.

Having said that, the most recent cats we have were siblings/litter mates, and although they are nice friendly cats their first bond is to one another and I'd never get another pair like that again.

Tinfoiled Wed 15-Jul-15 10:16:15

Part of the reason we got a pair was so they would be company for each other while we were at work etc. they are not litter mates but have been together (in foster home with A LOT of other cats) since being kittens. I wonder if paired cats are less affectionate/people orientated as a rule then?

LittleCandle Wed 15-Jul-15 10:28:51

I got a pair of cats - brothers - when my darling little cat was run down. I wanted 2 so they would be less likely to wander as far. They were rescues and it has taken 6 years for one of them to actively enjoy being picked up and cuddled. He clearly loves me - now. His brother also loves me, but the only time he is happy being cuddled is when we are at the vet and he wants to get home. I do love them, but i suspect i got them too soon, as I got them just a few days after Candlecat got run over. It took a while for the affection to really kick in with them. They will never replace Candlecat, but i do love them for themselves, quirks and all.

chockbic Wed 15-Jul-15 10:32:29

I definitely have a different relationship with our new boy, than the girls we had before. He is more rough and tumble, hilarious, and in some ways more affectionate. That's when he's not trying to rip my arm off.

It does take a while to bond. I'm sure it will happen for you smile

catsrus Wed 15-Jul-15 11:23:28

I've had a lot of cats over the past 30 yrs (12 eek!) and some you just bond with more than others. One of the original pair we had 30 yrs ago still holds a bit of my heart, he was wonderful. then there was a skinny girl I got from a pet shop 15 yrs ago (I know I know - but she was all alone in a cage and I resisted for a whole week!) who was only pts a few years ago and she was also "mine" in a way that the others weren't. My current lot are all very different but again there is one that is much more my companion than the others. Same with the dogs, there was one, many years ago, that was bonded to me in a way that no other dog was before or has been since. doesn't mean I haven't loved the others. they are all individuals, as are we, of course our relationships with them will differ smile

sparkysparkysparky Wed 15-Jul-15 11:23:38

Try more even play with them to get to know their funny little ways. And treats after play. They may start their mind control on you and you will be properly enslaved grin
Totally understand how you feel btw.

MedusaIsHavingaBadHairday Wed 15-Jul-15 18:39:33

I have found the same.. and feel horribly guilty about it.

It's nearly a year since I had my beloved Morph put to sleep (cancer) and Obie and Ophie have been with me since September. They are great cats.. but Morph was the love of my life and he was SO cuddly..slept wrapped around me and comforted my kids through their childhood and teen traumas.
The new ones are not anywhere like as affectionate..much more independent and I miss being loved.

BUT I know it's early days and early years and though they can't BE Morph for me, our relationship will develop over the years. Obie's a bit of a teenage dickhead at the mo.. stops out and basically only comes in for food, but Ophie sits next to me some evenings. Neither are lap cats which makes me feel unwanted!

However.. my oldest girl Portia has always been pretty untouchable and at 15 she is finally affectionate (on her terms of course) . They just have their own personalities!

Fluffycloudland77 Wed 15-Jul-15 19:32:00

Young cats arent really lap dwellers though, mine was at first but then just wanted to be out. He would come in at ten pm, eat and go to bed!.

I didn't really like him much at first, but he is very loved now. I like to imagine it's mutual.

Wolfiefan Wed 15-Jul-15 19:34:42

Medusa did you post about Morph on here? Rings a bell.
I'm in no hurry to get another but don't think I could wait a year!

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