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I don't know what to do for the best. :(

(13 Posts)
MrsSchadenfreude Wed 24-Jun-15 08:48:01

Long story short, we have two cats, the big one of whom has been with us for five years. He chose us from a rescue centre (he waved at us through the bars of his cage). The second one, the Shitten, came to us as a kitten and is now nearly four. She has had continence issues on and off, although these seem to be largely resolved now. I think the Shitten would be happier if she was able to go outside - both cats have always been indoor cats; we came from Paris, which is almost exclusively apartment living, and now live in a flat in Central London where they can't go out.

The Shitten and the big cat rub along reasonably well most of the time. She is Alpha Cat, and has recently been giving him a hard time and making the big cat stressed, which has resulted in him peeing on the bed and the sofa several times in the past week. (This has never happened before with him.) The vet has put him on anti stress food and Zylkene - I don't know what has happened in the past week, but he has been looking terrified, and cowering when I go to stroke him. He has always been very much "my" cat - he sleeps on top of me, and spends every evening on my lap, and sits next to me when I work from home. I don't think he is bothered about not being able to go out, all he wants is a nice lap, a bit of fuss and a warm human to cuddle at night.

So if you are still with me, the obvious thing to do would be to rehome the Shitten, to a nice home where she could go outside, yes? The big cat would miss her initially, but his life would be a lot less stressful. I now throw into the mix DD1, who is asthmatic, and her asthma has been getting worse in the past few weeks. She is blaming the cats for this, although I think it is partly to do with the high pollen count.

DH has never been a big fan of the cats, but has tolerated them. He says it is time to rehome them - we can never have a nice house, due to the cats (we had to throw out the sofa as it had become the Shitten's toilet of choice for a while). Both of the DDs agree. I am dragging my feet, as I love the cats, particularly the big cat, who has always been clingy with me. Realistically, I don't see any way round this, largely due to DD1's asthma, but I really, really don't want them to go to rescue (particularly as the big cat was in rescue for months before we adopted him). I will miss them so much if/when they go, and would ideally like the big cat to go somewhere local so that I can visit him from time to time.

I feel that at the moment I am letting everyone down - DD1, the cats, my whole family. But I don't know what to do for the best. sadsadsad

sparkysparkysparky Wed 24-Jun-15 09:13:12

I follow your train of thought and the conclusion you are reaching.
I'd be thinking the same.
I wonder however whether you first need a rethink of your litter tray set up. Do you have enough trays? At least two, I should say. Are they in the right place for your more scaredy cat to go in safety (from his point of view ) and peace.
I saw a long clip on the Cats Protection YouTube channel about this sort of thing . Can't link from phone but you might find it yourself if you have a look.
It might be as simple as they both need hidey space (up high for pref) and their own place to go to the loo.
I used Feliway for my two sister cats (think Bette Davis and Joan Crawford ). It didn’t really work for them but I think that is a two competing girls thing. I think a boy/girl mix like you have is more amicable potentially. Sounds like Shitten is already top cat. Your other guy needs is space too.
There is a product you can groom them with to help with allergy (again phone doesn't help) but I can dig out the name and come back. Others may know.
Best wishes

MrsSchadenfreude Wed 24-Jun-15 09:18:15

Thank you Sparky. We have two litter trays - we did have three but one wasn't getting used. We have experimented with cat litter until we found one that the Shitten will deign to use. The trays are in the two bathrooms, both quite quiet and out of the way, although both cats tend to prefer one tray/location over the other.

We tried Feliway. The Shitten took objection to the plug-in and used to poop right next to the diffuser. We have used Petal Cleanse for grooming the cats in the past, and it did seem to have some effect, so perhaps I will get some more of that. Although the general consensus seems to be that the cats need to go. sad I can't bear the thought of being without my big boy. DH said he is not an extra child, and that is how I am treating him. sad

sparkysparkysparky Wed 24-Jun-15 09:19:29

The stuff to help with dander is called Petal Cleanse and you can get it off Amazon. I haven't used it but it was recommended on here on another thread. Last of my old girls died in Spring. NewKitten we hope will rescue us after summer hols. dh is mildly allergic. I plan to try it then.

sparkysparkysparky Wed 24-Jun-15 09:23:39

Cross post on Petal Cleanse. If I had to do Sophie ' s Choice, I would give Shitten to a rescue for re homing . I have a pal (usually infirm) who only takes older cats from a rescue on principle. I'm sure they aren't alone in that.
Good luck.

sparkysparkysparky Wed 24-Jun-15 09:24:23

The cats are usually infirm not the pal!

Nottalotta Wed 24-Jun-15 09:27:05

Gosh this is so hard isn't it? My old cat died suddenly in Sept last year. I got current big (older) cat from CPL in October and bastard feral female kitten was dumped on us in November (of course having hand reared her, i had to keep her. Plus she is DH cat now) I found out i am pregnant December. I hope against hope baby doesn't have allergies.

I think in your situation i would look into rehoming the shitten in the first instance. It sounds like she would be happier where she could go out. Big cat may well be MUCH less of a problem as an only cat.

drinkyourmilk Wed 24-Jun-15 09:27:17

Can you offer to compromise and rehome Shitten first, then see how things go for 2 months?

lljkk Wed 24-Jun-15 09:41:44

Rehome the Shitten and see how things go from there. I doubt big cat will miss her in the slightest!

RubbishMantra Wed 24-Jun-15 15:21:28

I remember your previous threads about the shitten. You've pretty much tried everything haven't you? And now big cat's joining in the pissing competition, I'd agree that re-homing shitten may be the way forward. Then big cat won't have anyone to compete with in the pissing olympics.

Do you have any friends/relatives that would like to give her a home? If she's a breed, there'll be specialised re-homers. Some breeds can be particularly highly strung.

code Wed 24-Jun-15 18:33:28

It might all stop if each are the 'only cat'. And/or they get some outside access. Do you have someone who could take her? Even for a trial separation? Am just thinking it must be almost impossible for a rescue to rehome cats with toiletting issues. It would be sad for them to end their days in rescue cages.

MrsSchadenfreude Wed 24-Jun-15 18:58:47

Yes, code, that is what worries me about the Shitten, that she will go into rescue, be rescued quickly as she is very beautiful, friendly and purry, she will shit on someone's floor, pee on their sofa, go back to rescue, and then the whole sorry saga repeats ad infinitum. I am hoping that a friend might take her, but both likely candidates have just got a kitten. I am still looking...

code Wed 24-Jun-15 19:56:59

She might not do that though if she's the only cat. That's why I thought a trial of separating them might be useful.

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