My cat is miserable.

[WalkingThePlank]

We adopted our rescue cat about 2 months ago. She was from CPL , previously a stray but they felt they thought she may have had a home before. She is about 18 months.

When she arrived she was pretty confident, we had no problems with pooping and she wasn't scared of us or the children. She seems to enjoy going out and chasing squirrels. However she is very unsociable, seems grumpy, miserable and won't sit with us or a chair we're on. Yesterday she spat at and tried to bite DH which was a bit if a surprise.

I have lots of friends with cats that seem to interact with them. Ours only interacts when food is in the offing. She genuinely seems to have the hump with us.

Is this normal and is there anything we can do to make her happier and to actually like (rather than tolerate) us.

TIA.

[cozietoesie]

What sort of household are you and what sort of life does she lead? Eg does she have a safe/high place to go to get away form everyone if she wants to and have a snooze? And what was DH doing when she tried to bite him?

(By the way, I infer from what you said that she goes outside. If she really wasn't happy with you, she wouldn't come home, cats being great pragmatists. She may be adjusting or be a more standoffish type than you realized when she first arrived.)

[RubbishMantra]

She may have been treated really horribly by humans in the past. Could take some time and patience to earn her trust. Nice one for giving her a home.

Feliway plug-ins never do any harm, also maybe some interactive toys like the Flying Frenzy may help work off her stress and angst.

[WalkingThePlank]

Thank you both.

She has a high scratching post that she likes to sit on and a bed that she actually uses during the day but not at bedtime when she prefers to sit on a dining chair.

She is alone during the day for a few hours and always mosies through the hall on our return.

Re the incident with DH, he walked towards her from a distance, both of them looking at each other, and DH spoke to her and bent down to stroke her. She wasn't surprised by him. She's kept clear of him since.

Will look into the Feliway. I just can't her to be happy.

[BoozeyTuesday]

I think some cats are antisocial by nature. I bought my cat as a kitten from a shop so know she has never been mistreated but for years she wasn't bothered about me. Just wanted to hunt/go out/feed/sleep. She was always an extremely active cat, never a lap cat. Didn't like being held or sitting on you. Now she's 15 she's calmed down a lot and is the most affectionate she's ever been. Not trying to make you think the worst but all animals are different!

[arundeljones]

Maintaining eye contact with a cat can be seen as aggressive- perhaps that's what happed with DH?

Try looking away, slow blinks and/or yawning on approach.

Some cats take a while to settle in with people, so hopefully she will get more friendly.

[RubbishMantra]

Ah yes, good point re. the eye contact being seen as aggression. They like the winky blinky eyes.

Also strokes - timid/angsty cats tend to prefer you squatting down to their level, then slowly extending a hand, kept lower than their head, being allowed to stretch their head out to investigate in their own time.

Cats are high maintenance complex.

[shaska]

I think often rescues go through phases. I might be completely overthinking it, but it's always seemed to me that there is a touch of the 'best behaviour' about the early stages. Maybe just because they've been in the rescue where they don't have their own space as much, often a lot of other cats around, and they probably need to be a bit more subservient, generally, than they might like to be.

Then they come home, and after a while they start to realise that they do have all these things, their confidence goes up and they start to express their real personalities more. But I also think at this point fears and things from their pre-rescue lives start to come out.

Food-based interaction is fairly common I think, and I think that's a good sign - she's not scared of you, and hopefully over time the base-line level of comfort with you, and desire to interact with you, will increase - that's what's happened with my mad cat, her first affectionate moments were food-related, but it's come on since then where now we get them for coming home, and very occasionally at random, and food time is an orgy of purring and headbutting. Meeting you in the hall is always a good sign I think, and I always find it a hilarious cat thing, the way they'll appear, but try really hard not to act like they were waiting for you. 'Oh, me? No, I was just sitting here behind the door, like I always do, nothing to do with being happy to see you DON'T TOUCH ME'.

Basically, don't worry too much! An isolated hiss and lash out could've been caused by anything. The only thing I'd look out for is if the hissing/lashing out seems to be related to touching her in particular places, as that could indicate pain.

I wouldn't force her too much, but do give her affection - just a gentle pat now and then when she's sitting in one of her spots, and pats at food times. Some cats are less/more affectionate than others and she might not ever be super into cuddles, but it doesn't mean they're unhappy. Or she might settle in and turn into a lap machine!

[RubbishMantra]

Oh, and have you invested in any Dreamies? They're cat crack miracles in a bag. Offer whenever you want to give her a bit of a fuss.

[WalkingThePlank]

Thank you for your advice, especially Shaska. Lots to think about.

We do have Dreamies. She gets several goes at those a day! She's my best friend then.

[FushandChups]

I can second Boozys post - my previous cat was a bitch high maintenence and would swipe at you and bite if you got her in the wrong mood.. It was all on her terms so whilst I knew she was content (would always be around for food, sit and peer through the bannisters at me and the DC and spent every night curled up at the bottom of my bed), she only sat on my lap a total of twice, let me pick her up once and she never let the DC do either. She was only with us 7 months so perhaps may have mellowed but my current cat can't get enough of those things and was all over all of us from day one... and he has definitely had a rougher start with us as he's been very ill.

Perseverance is the key - just let her decide when she wants cuddles and hopefully she will calm as she feels more secure! Or she could be like mine and just be a strong willed lady - no bad thing

[WalkingThePlank]

I just want to thank you all for your advice yesterday. It really helped me to put her behaviour into perspective - and DH too as I read the comments out to him too.

We had a lovely time with her yesterday evening. It was flea treatment evening so I started off with some brushing to get her 'in the mood' for being held for the treatment. Today when I came back from the school she sat at my feet as I took my shoes off and we had some lovely neck rubbing. Perhaps I wasn't seeing the fun we had and perhaps she was particularly grumpy over the weekend. I'm making a point of not interacting with her too much and it's meant she's come to me.

As I write this, she is sat on the floor about a metre away from my chair.

Thanks for your wise words.

[shaska]

So glad to hear it!

Honestly, I had a time about three months in, with the madcat, where I did wonder if she'd be happier in a different home. I'm so glad she stayed as she's come on in leaps and bounds since then, and it's been so lovely to build a relationship with her and see her get comfortable with herself and with us.

Sounds like you're all going to work out fine - good luck!