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I could pee on this

(11 Posts)
BibiBlocksbergv2 Thu 06-Nov-14 22:19:20

and other poems by cats, Franesco Marciullano.

Bought this book ages ago and got it out to read again tonight.

Thought i'd share some of my favourites for a bit of fun smile


I could lie by your side for the rest
of our lives
I think I'll walk away right now
I could let you pet me for a hundred years
I think we need some time apart
I could be kissed a thousand
thousand times
I think I'm needed somewhere else
I could sit on your lap forever
I said I could sit on your lap forever
Don't you even think of trying to get up
Well, you should have gone
to the bathroom beforehand
Because forever is a very, very long time


This is my chair
This is my couch
This is my bed
That is my bench
There is my chaise
There is my settee
Those are my footstools
Those are my rugs
Everywhere is my place to sleep
Perhaps you should just get a hotel room

Man's Best Friend

Why is the dog man's best friend?
Because I don't greet you at the door?
Because I don't wave my tail when you leave?
Because I don't play catch or fetch?
Because I don't do a single trick
Because I don't beg for your attention?
Because I don't answer when you call?
Well, I also don't watch you having sex
And let's just say the dog talks


You can't hold someone who
wants to leave
You can't clutch a memory
as if it were today
You can't take an insult
close to heart
You can't grasp for glory
from your chair
You can't seize life
thinking only of loss
And you can't grab a laser point dot
on the wall
No matter how much you try
These hard-earned truths I give to you

Call Me

You can
Call me
All you want
But 'til
You add
At the start
I'm not turning my head


I'm sorry I tripped you in the hall
I'm sorry I tripped you in the den
I'm sorry I tripped you in the bedroom
I'm sorry I tripped you in the kitchen
I'm sorry I tripped you in the attic
I'm sorry I tripped you in the bedroom
I'm sorry I tripped you out the door
I'm sorry I tripped you on hard cement
But some men paid me five grand to kill you

givemushypeasachance Thu 06-Nov-14 22:37:41

Those are brilliant! grin

In thanks for fantastic cat poetry, may I direct you towards a similar vein of feline humour with Jeffrey Brown's cat comics? There are loads and they are all brilliant, but attached are just a couple.

Ode to a vase (slightly adapted from Elizabeth Browning's sonnet grin)
by Henry Beard

"How do I break thee? Let me count the ways.
I break thee if thou art at any height
My paw can reach, when, smarting from some slight,
I sulk, or have one of my crazy days.
I break thee with an accidental graze
Or twitch of tail, if I should take a fright.
I break thee out of pure and simple spite
The way I broke the jar of mayonnaise.
I break thee if a bug upon thee sits.
I break thee if I'm in a playful mood,
And then I wrestle with the shiny bits.
I break thee if I do not like my food.
And if someone they shards together fits,
I'll break thee once again when thou art glued.”

RubbishMantra Fri 07-Nov-14 02:25:27

I love the I could pee on this book! Somebody gave it to me last xmas.

And thanks Peas, I've just ordered one of Jeffrey Brown's books for my cat loving DH's birthday.

The poem you posted Medusa reminds me of my naughty Devon Rex kitten - every day, without fail, he gallops past the same vase and smacks it with his paw, so it falls over. angry grin

Ohfourfoxache Fri 07-Nov-14 02:35:16

Absolutely fantastic! grin

Fluffycloudland77 Fri 07-Nov-14 09:04:24

That sounds like one sturdy vase.

RubbishMantra Fri 07-Nov-14 12:40:01

It's perspex Fluffy! So he can smack it around to his heat's content.

Fluffycloudland77 Fri 07-Nov-14 20:04:04

I had a vase once.

Had being the important part of that sentence!.

AlpacaMyBags Fri 07-Nov-14 20:15:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

carlywurly Fri 07-Nov-14 20:18:55

I bought it for dp last year after he literally cried with laughter in waterstones at one of them, I will have to see if I can dig it out. Highly recommended grin

pinkandsparklytoo Fri 07-Nov-14 23:07:09

I picked this up in Waterston's the other day and opened it to a poem about bringing home mice. Entirely apt as I am currently having this issue with my male cat.

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