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Is it wrong to mourn my cat as I would a member of the family?

(35 Posts)
donna20 Fri 13-Sep-13 10:37:32

My beautiful cat got ran over and killed yesterday and I feel as it I've lost not only a beloved pet but also a family member.Feel numb,keep bursting in to tears and am finding it really hard to explain to my 3 yr old that his furry friend won't be coming back when he keeps asking for her.Anyone else been in this situation Help.

cozietoesie Fri 13-Sep-13 10:41:09

So very sorry, donna. It's really hard.sad

In any case - they are members of the family.

VelvetStrider Fri 13-Sep-13 10:46:23

Sorry for your loss. It is hard, I was surprised how upset I was when my cat died earlier this year. I did find, however, that the mourning period was much shorter than it would have been with a family member (I mean aunt, grandparent etc., obviously losing a child or partner is not comparable).

In your case the sudden-ness of losing your cat makes it more shocking. Look after yourself, don't hold back the tears and I reckon in a couple of weeks you'll be able to look back and remember the good times you shared with your furry friend.

donna20 Fri 13-Sep-13 10:54:52

Your right she was a member of our family thank you

donna20 Fri 13-Sep-13 10:56:54

I know it will get easier just feels pretty hard going at the moment,thanks for your support.

cozietoesie Fri 13-Sep-13 11:08:18

There's a book called 'Goodbye Mog' that might help with your DS although I would read it yourself first so that you know what's coming.

It is hard going. No way to get round that easily but time will fade some of the rawness.

Have you planned a nice way to bury him? Maybe with a tree or a plant or something similar?

charleybarley Fri 13-Sep-13 11:08:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

everythinghippie29 Fri 13-Sep-13 11:16:01

Not at all. When one of my boys was ran over in July I cried for 48 hours straight and then whenever I saw his brother looking for him in the week's after. We also paid more than we could really afford to have him cremated and sent back to us. I felt a little guilty about how sad I was but you have to grieve, pets are unique parts of the family.

It is getting better. I still miss his little furry face but its not as devastating as it was initially!

I'm so sorry for your lossthanks

donna20 Fri 13-Sep-13 11:18:31

Thanks might take a look at that book if its help my little one and me get though this.We have buried her under her favourite tree in the garden and me and my DH are planning to take our DS out at the weekend to choose something as a memorial to her.Thank you all for your support,nice to know there are other animal lovers out there.

Sparklingbrook Fri 13-Sep-13 11:23:21

Hi donna. I am so sorry, and you mourn however you want to, she absolutely was a member of the family.

When our beloved cat died my Dc were a little older than yours but we got this for the garden. they were comforted by it.


OrmirianResurgam Fri 13-Sep-13 11:23:38

No. Mourn her in anyway that feels right. So sorry x.

We lost our Lola the same way last spring. My older children saw it all as she ran out of the front door as they were leaving for school and straight across the road.

RightsaidFreud Fri 13-Sep-13 11:26:31

Not at all, they are members of your family, for me and my boyfriend, our cats are our babies, we don't have any children. Any one who tells you to just 'get over it' or 'she was just a cat' are just awful AWFUL people. Your pets are there everyday, you spend more time with them than other human members of your family most of the time.

So sorry for your loss.

SunshineSuperNova Fri 13-Sep-13 11:36:15

I'm sorry for your loss Donna. flowers

As people have said, cats are family. I cried so much for my lovely 14 year old ginger, he was my darling.

donna20 Fri 13-Sep-13 11:52:57

Thanks all,nice to know there are like minded cat lovers out there.Just going to take my time concentrate on me,my DH and DS and my other little fur baby and I know it will get easier.
Ormirian really feel for you and your Dc just soo glad that it happened a bit further up the road and my DS didn't see it.Feel really weary about letting our other cat out now,soo worried.

Frizzbonce Fri 13-Sep-13 13:00:49

Hello Donna and I'm so sorry for your loss. Burying her under a favorite tree is a lovely idea as is a proper memorial service. The quiet love and support that a beloved cat offers is like losing a family member. Grief is grief so never feel you have to apologise or explain for feeling it.

When my seventeen year old cat was finally put down I was crying so hard I couldn't see straight. We buried him in the back garden under his favorite bush - it was very comforting and whenever I see that bush I think of Sydney lying on his back, his furry old nethers waving in the breeze.

donna20 Fri 13-Sep-13 14:11:17

Thanks again for all your support,everytime I think that I can't cry anymore the tears still keep coming.This time yesterday she was still here and now she has gone.

cozietoesie Fri 13-Sep-13 14:14:28

It will likely take a goodly while, donna. How is DS handling it? Still asking for her?

MexicanHat Fri 13-Sep-13 15:45:18

Until I got my own cat I had no idea how attached you became to them, how much you loved them and how they did become a member of your family.

I'll be the first to admit that I found it very strange at how upset people were when they lost their pets. I never had pets as a child. Now I understand!

So sorry for you loss flowers x

Scruffybear Fri 13-Sep-13 15:54:47

I am so, so sorry for your loss and the horrible suddenness of it. I have a dog and we got him at a very difficult time in my life when I was very poorly. Just thinking about losing him makes me weep. He is, as your beloved cat was too, a member of the family who has shared in good times and bad and always seemed to understand the people in it more than you would give an animal credit for.

Dont think of it as wrong to mourn, give yourself time, be as strong as you can for DS and let time do the healing. As much as you need. Your lovely girl will wait for you in heaven, I like to think one day we see our beautiful pets again x

RabbitsarenotHares Fri 13-Sep-13 15:59:20

Of COURSE you're not wrong to mourn her as a family member. She was, is, and always will be.

I have the ashes of my last cat, and previous three rabbits, and fully intend to have them in my coffin, along with all the others I pick up between now and then. Some people may think that odd, but I really don't give a stuff!

donna20 Fri 13-Sep-13 16:21:55

As the day has gone on my DS isn't asking for his furry friend as much as this morning and I haven't cried for at least an hour so think that we are on the start of a long road ahead.Thanks for all your concern.

timtam23 Fri 13-Sep-13 22:15:58

donna I'm so sorry to hear about your cat. I would be devastated as well, my cats are family members (my older 2 have been with me for many many years and they were my babies when I lived alone). I'm sure you have lovely memories and photos of your little cat and will remember her always thanks

mathanxiety Sat 14-Sep-13 05:33:58

Donna, very sad for you. We lost our lovely little cat to age last autumn and had her cremated so she will stay with us.

That wise cat got DD3 through the trauma of seeing exH and me divorce and the sale of our house and subsequent move - in many ways she behaved as DD3's cat mother - and now we are all exchanging smiles as our new kitten (who sort of fell into our laps) seems to have formed an attachment to DD3 just as the old cat did.

GetStuffezd Sat 14-Sep-13 09:38:50

Nobody can tell you how to mourn for a much loved pet.
I've always believed one of the reasons we mourn pets so much is they're totally innocent. They never harm anyone - only bring joy to people.
Sorry to hear about your loss.

yegodsandlittlefishes Sat 14-Sep-13 09:44:58

They are family members, yes. One of ours qas killed by a car a couple of months ago and I cried, then had to pretend everything was alright (for work). Then cried some more.

We went to look at a little kitten we might have rehomed, but he wasn't a bit like the cat we had lost and it just made us all sad because we still miss him. For us it will take more time. At least we all realise he can't be replaced.

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