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Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

The litter tray

cat very poorly, what to say to dd when she goes

16 replies

toomuchtooyoung · 21/08/2013 14:57

my beloved cat is old and poorly , waiting to find out if she has a tumour on her lung

nearly 3 year old dd has been to every vet visit with me, helps with her medicine and loves her to bits.

wondering what to say when she does go. she's gone to sleep? bury her in the garden and plant some flowers?

any advise for that age?

OP posts:

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GrimmaTheNome · 21/08/2013 15:08

I'm so sorry. But this is in some ways about the best age to first encounter death.

At this age, truth is better than euphemisms. 'gone to sleep' can make a child scared of sleeping. She knows that the cat is very ill; so you tell her that she's now died and is free from pain. Definitely bury in the garden (deep, maybe with a stone on top of the box to prevent any animal digging!) and plant flowers - tell her about how all our atoms come from stardust, and now some of kitties will go into the flowers.

There are various stories which are good for this age - Badgers Parting Gifts was a favourite with my DD when her great-uncle died. Or the Mog one - read it yourself several times first to make sure you can get through it without choking up.

Bluestocking · 21/08/2013 15:18

"Goodbye Mog" is lovely, and explains the death of a much-loved family pet beautifully. Does your DD know the Mog books already?

toomuchtooyoung · 21/08/2013 15:26

she does, mog is a favourite so that will definitely help

thank you

think it's going to be me more upset than her!
.

OP posts:

gazzalw · 21/08/2013 15:35

I feel your pain...we lost our beloved elderly cat when DD was about 18 months old. She used to stand at the back door and ask where the cat was for months afterwards :-(.

I would wholeheartedly agree with 'Goodbye Mog' - we read it with both our DCs when our cat died and it helped enormously.

toomuchtooyoung · 21/08/2013 15:36

she is currently having a bad sleeping patch, bad dreams and night terrors, so don't want to say or do anything that would linger in her, already over active, imagination. would the mog book be safe? frankly i found mog’s abc terrifying!

OP posts:

gazzalw · 21/08/2013 16:03

No it's really lovely - sure there's a bit where Mog is frolicking with other cats or thinking about her kittens....

She also 'looks after' the new kitten that the family gets....

cozietoesie · 21/08/2013 16:10

...which might be your only problem if your dd has an active mind. Be prepared for the 'Are we getting a new kitten, Mummy?'

toomuchtooyoung · 21/08/2013 16:58

that would be no bad thing

OP posts:

cozietoesie · 21/08/2013 17:04

toomuchtooyoung · 22/08/2013 21:44

after a horrible few days of watching my cat give up living she went to the vets this morning and went to sleep.

when we got her home we all
gave her big hugs, said bye, buried her in the garden and planted a colourful perennial.

my dd then asked when we were going to bury her little brother!

thank you all for your kind responses x

OP posts:

toomuchtooyoung · 22/08/2013 21:44

after a horrible few days of watching my cat give up living she went to the vets this morning and went to sleep.

when we got her home we all
gave her big hugs, said bye, buried her in the garden and planted a colourful perennial.

my dd then asked when we were going to bury her little brother!

thank you all for your kind responses x

OP posts:

cozietoesie · 22/08/2013 22:05

So very sorry, OP.

gazzalw · 23/08/2013 09:58

So sorry to hear your sad news......

We had a two year gap (because DD was only a toddler when our elderly cat died) before getting another cat. She is a very personable and chatty member of our house and DD in particular loves her very much.

We still talk about our elderly one and she has a stone plinth in the garden on top of her grave....(to keep the foxes out...). We were watching videos the other day of when DS and DD were little and our elderly cat featured quite heavily in some of those - it was lovely to watch...

toomuchtooyoung · 23/08/2013 21:18

with such young dc would anyone wait to get another cat? i have a nearly 3 and just over 1 year old

dh wants to wait I'm inclined to adopt sooner rather than later..

OP posts:

toomuchtooyoung · 23/08/2013 21:18

with such young dc would anyone wait to get another cat? i have a nearly 3 and just over 1 year old

dh wants to wait I'm inclined to adopt sooner rather than later..

OP posts:

cozietoesie · 23/08/2013 22:07

I'm not the right person to give a view really. When I have a cat shaped hole in my life, I fill it.

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