Dog died yesterday - husband already looking for replacement

(14 Posts)
Betty193 Thu 30-Jul-20 20:36:03

We had a retired greyhound for nearly 10 years - my husband’s idea. He was very easy going and laid back (the dog!)

He suddenly died yesterday and my husband is already on rescue sites. I thInk it’s too soon. Also we are in a different place with much older children who have their own lives and won’t want to be involved with training or taking him on long walks

Would we be given another dog so quickly?

OP’s posts: |
Dreamersandwishers Thu 30-Jul-20 20:53:28

I don’t think the rescue would stop you on the basis of time, but it certainly sounds like you are not anywhere near ready and your DH needs to understand that.
You need time to grieve for your friend. Your husband is either having a huge reaction to the loss, that he can’t put into words, or he’s an unfeeling idiot. Either way you need to talk, as the rescue will put a stop to it if you don’t agree.
So sorry for your loss. They are so special 💐

Betty193 Thu 30-Jul-20 21:02:10

Thank you. Yes I am worried that the rescue will be really keen to home a dog. But Jack was such an individual greyhound that I don’t feel we can replace him.

We have some other family dynamics going on with our children. But it has been commented previously that my husband is very self indulgent and I don’t think he’s seeing the bigger picture.

I was fond of jack although it was always Down to me to sort out logistics etc when we went away. I guess I think its a bit disrespectful to try and replace him so soon. Although I know he was a very big comfort to my husband when we had some serious family issues which caused and still causes a great deal of stress.

OP’s posts: |
Scattyhattie Thu 30-Jul-20 21:27:21

People handle grief differently and I can certainly understand how some find having no dog about the house absolutely unbearable (luckily not been in that position). I think its still quite normal when you do get another dog, even after decided your ready, for it to raise some feelings of grief again, but as you get to know a new dog it has own character even if looks the same (I've had multiple greyhounds).

I think you need to have an honest chat with him about how you both feel, it maybe he believes this will fix things & fill the void he feels for everyone else too.
Rescues generally want to check all members are in agreement when adopting, but then if you've already had a dog from them they may not do same checks again but if husband ignores chat i'm sure if you rang & said you weren't ready they'd put a halt to it.

carly2803 Thu 30-Jul-20 21:29:06

i love dog's OP, i have 2. They get you out of a huge stress sometimes, councillors and amazing family members, so i completely get it.

But your DH needs to take a step back and "enjoy" time dog free, then think if another is right for you.

I love mine, but no more when these 2 go!

im sorry for your loss.

carly2803 Thu 30-Jul-20 21:29:06

i love dog's OP, i have 2. They get you out of a huge stress sometimes, councillors and amazing family members, so i completely get it.

But your DH needs to take a step back and "enjoy" time dog free, then think if another is right for you.

I love mine, but no more when these 2 go!

im sorry for your loss.

AuditAngel Thu 30-Jul-20 21:30:25

I’m sorry for your loss. We lost our dog yesterday too.


mummabubs Thu 30-Jul-20 21:32:25

You need to both be on the same page, as you know they are a big responsibility and especially rescued greys who often need additional aclimatising to home environments. Your husband will need to respect your position in the grieving process. I also wanted to say I'm so sorry for your loss. Our rescue grey is nearly 11 now and they're such gentle giants aren't they. X

Aquamarine1029 Thu 30-Jul-20 21:36:12

You really need to sit down with your husband right away and discuss this. He's moving way too fast. I am a lifelong dog owner, and last year our last beloved dog died. My husband, like yours, wanted to get another very quickly but I wasn't ready, and luckily my husband was very understanding.

After several months, we both realised that we didn't want another, even though we love dogs so much. Our kids are adults now, we are older, and quite honestly I am just not up to raising another puppy. We are so busy and life is hectic, and we were honest with ourselves that we just don't want to be tied down with a dog. They take so much effort and so much attention, so I could never get one and not give it 100%.

Beamur Thu 30-Jul-20 21:39:05

I can understand both of your views. After we lost our cat last year I started looking immediately but my DH needed a little time.
But getting a pet in a family can't be the decision of only one person.
I had a cat shaped hole but DH needed to grieve. We now have two kitties which we all love, but in all honesty we still miss our boy!

Mindymomo Thu 30-Jul-20 21:44:55

So sorry for your loss. If you think you are not ready to take on a dog at the moment, you must explain this to your husband that you need time to grieve. Everyone deals with grief differently.

tabulahrasa Thu 30-Jul-20 22:23:53

I wouldn’t worry particularly about it being disrespectful, firstly because I kind of suspect Dog’s don’t care about that... but also, wanting another dog is a compliment to that first dog really, he was so great that the owner now wants another dog rather than a gap smile

I do tend to be slower to get a new dog after one dies, but it is a very personal thing and I absolutely don’t think it’s wrong for other people.

The issue you have is that you’re not both on the same timescale... if you definitely want to wait and grieve, you need to make that clear to your DH, that you’re not ready and you haven’t finished grieving.

Betty193 Thu 30-Jul-20 22:27:24

Thank you for all your views. I think my husbands attitude is that he got Jack in the first place as he really wanted a greyhound, and so it’s up to him if he gets another.
I’m surprised how much I miss Jack

OP’s posts: |
CMOTDibbler Thu 30-Jul-20 22:29:56

I don't think there is a right or wrong - for some people the house feels so empty without a dog they want to have another straightaway, some need to leave it months or years. Its not being disrespectful to the dog to get another quickly, rather I think its about how very loved the dog was.
But as the two of you aren't on the same page, and there seems to be some other tensions in your family already, you need to sit down and really talk about whether another dog will fit into your lives and how things need to look

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