I think it is so much more difficult when they die young and suddenly as you have the shock of it too. I have unfortunately lost quite a few elderly dogs over the years (we always have had several dogs and I have been around for a good while!) and it is devastating but you do know for a while before that you are heading towards it, and also there is a certain amount of knowledge, that you comfort yourself with, that they couldn’t have carried on as they were, due to their old age or illness.
However, a few of months back we lost our perfectly healthy 5 year old boy. We have no idea why. He was fine, playing, running around, had his dinner, went to bed fine, we went down the next morning and he was dead. Other two dogs were just sat quietly next to him.
It was devastating. None of us could understand what had happened and why. We had a PM done as well, to try and get some answers but no reason was found there by the vet either.
It was shocking how hard it hit us all. Both DH and I are in our 60’s, so we have both been through losing dogs many times, but always due to age or illness. This loss floored both of us like none of them ever has before.
It took several weeks for the other two dogs to settle down too, they were very confused and very unsettled for a good while and took a lot of that out by being grumpy and snappy with each other (having been a very happy and settled three with the one we lost). They have settled into a new normal with each other now, but their relationship isn’t quite the same as it was before.
It’s a few months on now, but it still isn’t right. He is still missing in the house.
His lead is still hung in the hall on his named hook, I cannot bear to move it and neither DH or DC have suggested it either. It wasn’t there for long enough. He had a right to that hook and his lead being on it for at least 15 years - to only be there for 5 years is just wrong and in his case, I cannot move it away. He needs to stay with us for a good while longer I think. I suspect his lead and name will always stay there now and when we get a new dog, he will just have to share the hook name tag with him.
We are usually very practical and leads, collars etc do get passed down to our new dogs and we continue using them as a kind of nod to the older dog, as in the young puppy goes out to play on the old dogs lead - so he kind of takes the old dogs spirit with him. I know that sounds daft but it is how we have always worked and it makes me happy to think they are all out in the field with us, we just can’t see some of them. However, in this case, he didn’t have his 15 years use of that hook and that lead, so I don’t know if I can follow our tradition this time.
We haven’t got a new dog yet, which we would normally have done by now. We will in time, but our other two dogs needed time to settle down and we are not ready yet.
Sorry, my point of all that rather lengthy post was that losing a dog so young and so suddenly is not the same as losing an elderly dog. We have found it a lot harder.
Yes, it does get better, or at least you get used to it. I have finally stopped calling his name with the others at the back door when I do my last wee of the evening routine, and I have stopped automatically doing his food bowl each meal time. However, I do still mistake one of the others for him, when I see them out of the corner of my eye (they were all the the same breed and colour and were all related to each other, so had similar mannerisms too) and then my brain kicks in to remind me that it isn’t him and the shock hits me again.
So be kind to yourself. I really do understand that feeling in your chest that just isn’t going away at the minute and that pain when you keep remembering why that feeling is in your chest all the time. It does ease, I promise.
Wait it out. It will settle bit by bit. You will be ready for a new boy in time, don’t let the home and the love you had for your lost dog be wasted now, someone else deserves it. They will be different but just as fabulous and gorgeous in their own way, as your lost boy was, and you will love them just as much, but that love for them will be in addition to the love that you had for him, as that will never go away.