Can I visit my dog?

(36 Posts)
Cait73 Mon 08-Jun-20 17:16:28

I recently (2 weeks ago) had to let my adored 10 year old dog go to friends, he seems happy and settled but I miss him dreadfully

They're encouraging me to go and visit him, I'm reluctant because I don't want to confuse him; we haven't been apart since he was 5 weeks old 💔

I cry every day and would like nothing more than to see him but I won't if it's going to upset him, can anyone guide me on this please?

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pigsDOfly Mon 08-Jun-20 20:11:44

This must be so hard for you but tbh I'm not sure how fair it would be to unsettled him by visiting him.

If he sees you there's always the danger that he'll think he's going home with you and be upset when you leave him behind again.

I suppose it rather depends as well on how settled he is with your friends.

Only you and your friends can really know how likely he is to be unsettled by seeing you and not going home with you, but I'm not sure I'd visit him if I were you.

Cait73 Mon 08-Jun-20 21:30:00

It's so hard he's my best friend BUT he's not sat missing me; dogs live in the moment he won't miss me unless he sees me 😢

God I am NEVER getting a dog again not known pain like it

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userxx Mon 08-Jun-20 21:53:45

You must be gutted 😞. I don't think I would visit just yet, it's too soon and will be too emotional for you.

Honeyroar Mon 08-Jun-20 21:58:28

It’s too soon. He will be settling in and won’t quite know that it’s home yet. Give it a couple of months ideally. I can’t imagine how tough it must be, you must have had your reasons. But know he will be ok and happy. I’ve rehomed a few dogs.

Honeyroar Mon 08-Jun-20 21:59:06

Plus, seeing you upset would probably upset him.

Eckhart Mon 08-Jun-20 21:59:50

If you're going to be part of his life, start as you mean to go on. No point having a great big gap where he thinks you've ceased to exist altogether, if you're going to be seeing him on a regular basis. I think it'll be confusing for him being in a new place anyway, and as you say, they live in the moment. He'll be super pleased to see you're still around, even if it's only sometimes, and then once you've left, he'll get on with his day, safe in the knowledge that you're still around.

It's very hard emotionally to be apart from them.

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HappyHammy Mon 08-Jun-20 22:01:27

You must miss him terribly but he needs time to settle in his new home. Can your friends video him for you to watch.

Cait73 Wed 10-Jun-20 07:14:58

Yes I've had lots of photos and videos but I just cry, I've honestly not known pain like this

My grandson came to live with us when he was 11 months old (social services idea but obviously I agreed) he's nearly 18 months old now and I've tried SO hard to keep them apart but it's a constant battle for my attention

A battle a never seem to win! 17 month old is pretty dangerous to dog and has broken his tail (by accident) fallen on him, ran into him and just generally alarms him 24/7

I put up gates to keep them apart but can't bear looking at my dog lying by it waiting to be let in, then wishing he hadn't bothered!

Nothing "happened" it just got to the stage i didn't feel I could control or trust the situation.

He's gone to stay at my uncles before but I got him back after 2 weeks because I didn't think I could live without him. It wasn't 2 hours before the baby had fallen onto the little fella and everyone was upset again.

My dogs 10 his hearing and eyesight aren't great so he doesn't know the baby's coming half the time. An alarmed old dog is not a happy dog!

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pigsDOfly Wed 10-Jun-20 12:41:41

Not an easy situation from the sound of it and you've done the right thing for the dog as awful as that must have been for you.

Do you think seeing the photos and videos of your dog is upsetting you more than if you just tried to accept that he's living with your friend now.

Thinking about how I'd feel if I had to give my dog up, I don't think I could bear to see her living with someone else. As long I knew she was happy I think it would be 'easier' just to let her go.

If there's absolutely no likelihood of you having him back with you in the future I think you're making it harder for yourself to keep looking at him in his new home.

Having said that, is there any way that you could spend some time with him, walking him for instance, once lockdown has eased a bit and he's settled in his new home?

Cait73 Wed 10-Jun-20 13:33:22

Yes the photos are upsetting me and yes I'd like to still be involved in his life in some way, but not if it's going to unsettle him

He's totally adopted my friends he follows them round everywhere wags non stop lots of face licking and very positive signs so he IS happy (traitor!!) it's just me that's not

After 10 years of him following me around and always being available for a cuddle, I'm really struggling

Apart from glorious gs I live on my own 💔

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SamVimesFavouriteDragon Wed 10-Jun-20 13:39:39

That sounds so, so tough! I've no advice for you but I just want to say I think you've made the kindest choice for your dog, and as the mum of a toddler myself, I'm impressed you managed as long as you did, you must have been exhausted keeping them both safe! You've done the right thing finding your dog a lovely home, and you've done an amazing thing taking on your little grandson ❤️ I hope things get easier for you soon thanks

Honeyroar Wed 10-Jun-20 13:42:48

That’s really hard. It sounds like you tried everything you could for him and you made the right decision. My heart goes out to you. Give him a couple more weeks to settle a bit more, then I’m sure you’ll be able to go over and have a cuddle/walk with him without it upsetting him - especially if you do it regularly and he gets used to you coming and going.

Cait73 Wed 10-Jun-20 14:18:42

@SamVimesFavouriteDragon thank you so much for your very kind words it means a lot to me 🙏🏼

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Cait73 Wed 10-Jun-20 14:19:26

@Honeyroar thank you for giving me hope 💕

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redwoodmazza Wed 17-Jun-20 09:47:44

I would have kept the dog... wink

Cait73 Wed 17-Jun-20 10:33:54

and put my grandson into care?? 😱

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Honeyroar Wed 17-Jun-20 13:45:30

How’s your dog doing @Cait73?

Cait73 Wed 17-Jun-20 14:42:13

@Honeyroar very well thank you, I haven't had pictures for a couple of days but I get regular updates I think he's settling in well

I still miss him but I've done the best thing for him and my grandson

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twinnywinny14 Wed 17-Jun-20 14:50:48

I’m sure your dog didn’t mind being behind a gate and then getting to be with you when toddler is in bed or settled somewhere. If you really can’t ever have the dog back then it’s probably best for you both to cut the ties, I know if I had to give mine up there is no way I could see pics or videos as it would break my heart

Cait73 Wed 17-Jun-20 17:51:41

@twinnywinny14 my dog did mind, I know my dog

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Branleuse Fri 19-Jun-20 18:53:37

I would probably try and go walk the dog a few times a week. It will probably be unsettling for him at first, but he would get used to it. It would help your friends and be nice for you and the dog

Cait73 Fri 19-Jun-20 19:53:27

@Branleuse thank you for this, I've visited once and I'm taking him out tomorrow, he tried to leave with me last time but forgot after about 2 minutes 🙂

I still feel utterly lost BUT I'm really excited there's a bit of hope 🤞

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Honeyroar Fri 19-Jun-20 21:42:58

Enjoy yourself. And I know you only gave him away because you absolutely had to. You were stuck between a rock and a hard place, I don’t judge you at all. And I’ve a house full of rescues and would judge most people for giving a dog up!

Cait73 Sun 21-Jun-20 11:17:33

@Honeyroar I've made a mistake I need to get my dog back

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