Husband wants a puppy, I am not sure

(13 Posts)
Frauhubert Sun 07-Jun-20 19:13:38

husband is very very keen to get a puppy. He asked me to choose one I liked, and we kind of agreed on Bichon frise or a Maltese.
The problem is I really don’t know if I want a dog. Or any pet. I never had a pet, never had to look after one for more than a couple of hours. I definitely am affectionate towards dogs and cats, but I am scared of the commitment. Do you just fall in love with it and get used to the commitment? I also don’t have kids, I don’t feel maternal, and never have. I think I am too selfish for kids, and therefore I am worried I am too selfish to own a pet. Husband is kind of adamant and says he is getting one. I am not TOTALLY against it, just scared a bit. Is it a crazy idea to just go along with it and let husband get a puppy if I am not a definite yes? If we do get one, there is no way back from it, I would never give it back or not look after it. I’m just worried it will ruin my life. Has anybody been in similar position? Also, has your pet put a strain on your relationship? Arguing about walking/ washing/ taking to vet.

OP’s posts: |
pigsDOfly Sun 07-Jun-20 19:35:47

I don't think it's a good idea to get a puppy unless everyone in the household is 100% on board with it.

A puppy or dog is a huge commitment, you're right. Is he aware of just how much it will change your lives: no going out for the day on a whim, puppy won't be able to be left alone for some time, and adult dogs not more than 4 or 5 hours at a time, so no going away for the weekend without arranging care for the dog.

Puppies are babies. It will wake in the night and need to be taken out to wee and will possibly keep you awake at night at first.

Puppies need to be house trained and will need to be taken out every 20 minutes or so and after every meal.

And then there's all the other training that's needed.

Who is going to care for the puppy all day, and who is going to do all the training. Who is going to walk the dog every day, twice a day, even when it's raining or cold out? Is he going to do all this or is most of the care going to fall to you? If it is going to fall to you, he has no right to make the decision without your complete agreement.

You both need to know what you're letting yourselves in for. A dog can live for 15 years it's a long time if you don't want to do it in the first place.

Do some research and insist you make the decision together. And if you do buy a puppy, either try to get one from a rescue or research breeders. Be very careful you don't end up buying one from a puppy farm, which if he just goes out and buys one or answers an ad on the internet is probably where it will come from.

Opoly54 Sun 07-Jun-20 21:41:54

There’s a thread running at the moment called something like ‘do you regret getting a dog?’. You should definitely read it. Go with your gut.

Opoly54 Sun 07-Jun-20 21:42:40

Here it is

Frauhubert Sun 07-Jun-20 23:01:55

Thank you, that’s very helpful. I will have a read.
Pigsdofly- I will tell myhusband exactly everything you wrote, thank you x

OP’s posts: |
pigsDOfly Sun 07-Jun-20 23:27:19

Frauhubert Hope it's helpful.

I think a lot of people like the idea of having a dog without realising the responsibility it involves.

Although, having said that, they can add a great deal to life and I wouldn't be without my lovely dog.

StillMedusa Mon 08-Jun-20 01:13:08

I'm a first time dog owner...
I love her...I can't believe how MUCH I love her, still and she's just turned one.
BUT she is a total tie...
Want to go out for a few hours? Forget that when they are puppies! Like to sleep in? No chance! Work full time? Better have a huge bank balance to pay for puppy care... and only when they are old enough as most places won't take young puppies.

Mine is with my son (who works late shifts) til I get home from work and she cries with happiness to see me; lovely but such a tie . I'm out in all weathers walking her. I have a wedding abroad next year and NO idea how we can leave her with anyone as she is totally bonded to me!

On the plus side, no one every told me how much I would LOVE my dog... she enhances my life in a million ways.. pure love, pure joy of the moment. But she is a massive committment and not one to be taken on lightly!


RedHelenB Mon 08-Jun-20 01:15:52

I know dogs are a big responsibility but I honestly didnt find our puppy hard work at all. I think we maybe dropped lucky in that he lives the garden and even though it was November when we brought him home and let him outside, he pooed straight away and we made such a big fuss of him he only did it once in the house as a pup. Was poorly and couldn't get outside another time. He slept downstairs till about 5 that first night too, and used a puppy pad. He chewed the edge of the rug a bit, the bottom of the telly cabinet ( sanded that ) and the edge of the drawers of the hall table. Other than that, as good as gold, really loving , never really bit us as a puppy.

MrsTerryPratchett Mon 08-Jun-20 01:17:48

Honestly, if you're too selfish for kids, you probably shouldn't get a dog. Especially a puppy.

Motorina Mon 08-Jun-20 08:01:01

StillMedusa sums it up perfectly. I adore my girls. I wouldn’t be without them. But, when you tally it up, they are undoubtedly my largest monthly expense and the thing that most influences my daily life. For good and bad - I would never have got into running without the girls to tire out, and now I travel all over for races, but there are also plenty of weekends and social events I miss out on because they’re not dog-friendly.

vanillandhoney Mon 08-Jun-20 10:52:31

If you don't want a puppy, don't get a puppy.

They're expensive and a big commitment. They're not like cats where you can just feed them and go out for 12 hours - you need to plan your lives around them!

Who will be responsible for the day-to-day care of the dog? Do you both work? If so, can you afford £20-25 a day for daycare (as you can't leave a puppy on it's own all day). Can you take time off to get it toilet trained and settled in?

Who will walk the dog? Who'll pay for the insurance and take care of the vet appointments, vaccines and flea and worm treatment? What will you do if you want to go to the theatre or out for the day to somewhere that isn't dog-friendly?

I love my dog (he's 2.5 now) but he's a big, big commitment. Please don't get one unless you're both 100% willing to do the work. Because even if DH agrees to do it all, if he (for example) breaks a leg, has to go away for work or gets sick, you'll still need to take over and do the walking, training, toilet trips, feeding, vet visits etc.

Don't do it if you're 100% prepared for all the work that's involved.

Spidey66 Mon 08-Jun-20 10:56:02

Everyone has to be 100% on board for it to work.

What about dog fostering? That may give him his 'fix' while give you a chance to see if you could change your mind without the responsibility.

Windyatthebeach Fri 12-Jun-20 18:31:26

Give him a list of requirements necessary and tell him to get researching.. You do nothing from the list...
Will he bother?

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