I wish I could do something for my mum's dog

(17 Posts)
SoSadForDog Tue 28-Apr-20 19:33:20

Just over a year ago my mum adopted a staffie pup. We all voiced concerns that she may not be up to managing a very active pup - she'd had 3 dogs before him, but they were all adopted as adults - but she was adamant she wanted the puppy "before I get too old for one" (she's early 60s)

She gets the puppy, and he's the sweetest, brightest, loveliest little chap. So responsive and keen to learn and to please - he would be so easy to train. I encouraged her to get him trained while he was tiny and easy to handle (we had staffs while I was still living at home, I know how strong and stubborn they can be). I suggested loads of resources for her to read on training. I demonstrated a lot of techniques to her - within 20 minutes I had him walking to heel. I even offered, in the end, to pay for a dog trainer. She didn't do any of those things.

Fast forward to now and of course, she's not coping. He's still a sweetie but boisterous and disobedient. My DC are frightened of him because he won't stop jumping up at them. There have been incidents with other animals which has ended up costing mum hundreds to cover other people's vets bills. She's in constant pain because she can't get him to walk to heel or let him off the lead, so spends their walks being dragged round by him.

He is being rehomed. Mum's managed to find a rescue that will take him because they have a young couple who desperately want a staffie - they have no kids, live rurally, and are very active. It'll be a great home for him, far better than mum's.

But I'm so sad for him, poor wee chap. None of this is his fault, and he's still a sweetheart, he just desperately needed training which he didn't get. It wouldn't even have taken much, he's super bright.

I wish we could take him. But my DC are scared of him, my DH doesn't want a dog, and once lockdown is over the house will be empty all day as we'll all be out at school or work. Plus we have a cat.

I'm not posting for advice, it's too late for that and I honestly think this new home will be much better for him. I just wanted to vent - I'm so angry at my DM and so sorry for the dog. 

OP’s posts: |
Parker231 Tue 28-Apr-20 19:35:54

I’m sorry the dog has not had the attention it needed but sounds like a good outcome for the dog.

SoSadForDog Tue 28-Apr-20 19:36:59

It absolutely is.

OP’s posts: |
TheoriginalLEM Tue 28-Apr-20 19:40:49

You know what - all well that ends well. He is getting a new more suitable home with lots of space.

I love staffies but would never have one they are CRAZY

IAmBeatrixKiddo Tue 28-Apr-20 19:54:44

It sounds like he's going off to a better life. He'll be fine and you sound very caring and like you've done your very best.

RoseDog Tue 28-Apr-20 19:59:40

You are doing the right thing, I am on my second rescue staffie but every time we've rescued one I've always asked for middle aged as I know 'spirited' they are but with the right home, training and exercise I'm sure it will be fine.

Do you know if the new couple have breed experience?

SoSadForDog Tue 28-Apr-20 20:00:38

Yes, they've had staffs before.

OP’s posts: |


Floralnomad Tue 28-Apr-20 20:02:43

It sounds like the dog has landed in his feet with a nice new home to go to , absolutely no reason for any guilty feelings on your part .

SoSadForDog Tue 28-Apr-20 20:16:24

Thank you Floralnomad. I do feel guilty, even though I know it's not my fault.

Whilst I'm angry with my DM I do feel sorry for her too, she's going to really miss him. She lives alone, and he's her baby - this was the route of the whole "not training" thing, she didn't want to be "strict", just wanted him to have fun, so he was over-indulged and allowed to get away with murder. He sleeps on her bed with his head on her pillow.

She's taking him to the rescue on Saturday. That's going to be such a sad day for her, and I can't even be with her because of this bloody virus.

OP’s posts: |
RoseDog Tue 28-Apr-20 20:21:49

That's why I didn't want a puppy, I would treat it like a baby and be too soft! Instead I take in the totally fucked up rescues who deserve to be spoiled in their final home 🙈 challenging but rewarding.

I will be thinking of you and your mum on Saturday as this must be the hardest thing x

Floralnomad Tue 28-Apr-20 20:23:40

I think your mums very brave , she’s made a mistake and she is putting it right whilst the dog is still little more than a baby . Perhaps you could have a nice photo of the dog framed for her .

SoSadForDog Tue 28-Apr-20 20:28:44

She is. This is why I needed to vent on here - I haven't let my mum know I'm angry with her, and have been as supportive and reassuring as possible. But I needed to express my frustration somewhere.

OP’s posts: |
GrumpyMiddleAgedWoman Tue 28-Apr-20 20:53:45

You did your very best, and you're still being kind to her - you sound a thoroughly decent person.

It sounds as if the dog will have a lovely life. The biggest loser is your mum.

ducksback Wed 29-Apr-20 14:57:39

Good outcome OP. The dog is the most important thing here and he will be happy in his new life.

JonHammIsMyJamm Wed 29-Apr-20 15:06:38

Don’t feel sorry for him, though it’ll be confusing and probably upsetting for him to separate from his home initially, he’ll be happier in the long term. It’s a shame for your mum, she bit off more than she could chew. It’s easy to underestimate how much relentless and frustrating work a puppy/adolescent dog is.

AmelieTaylor Wed 29-Apr-20 15:07:51

It is sad, BUT he's been loved and not horribly abused. It's been far from ideal, definitely, but he will have felt loved & not scared. That's a lot more than most rehomed animals can say.

You've reached the point where you start parenting your parents and sometimes living them despite them not listening to you. Those dynamics can make us feel sad/guilty too.

It sounds like he's completely fallen
on his paws with his new home. Can you ask them if they'll keep in touch & let you know how he's getting on?

Your mum is doing the right thing and it will be hard on Saturday, but try to consider it as part of learning the lessons & fCing the consequences. Much like with toddlers!

Try to focus on being happy for the dog 🐶 x

GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal Thu 30-Apr-20 16:57:55

So I'm going with mum to take him to the rescue. I know I shouldn't but I had to take her to A&E with chest pains last weekend, so we've already broke social distancing, and she needs me.

It's going to be so hard. He's so bonded to her. I've tried a few times to walk him for her - partly to give her a break, partly to see if I could get him walking to heel - and he just won't go without her. We took him out today and I held him while mum went to a cash machine and he whimpered and strained at the lead the whole time, even though she was never even out of sight.

I don't know how we'll leave him there without her. I just feel so sad for them both, I can't stop crying.

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