60 seconds of being able to talk dog

[IndigoGusset]

Someone gives you 60 seconds of your dog being able to understand and hold a conversation with you.

What do you say?
What do you ask?

[spiderlight]

I love you. I'm so happy you came to live with us. Your old family loved you too and were so sad that they had to give you up: you didn't do anything wrong. But please, you do not need to bark at every tiny noise in the street! (And why do you only bark in the mornings??)

[JaneJeffer]

Who's a good boy?

[doodleygirl]

Are you happy? Do we do enough for you? Which is your favourite walk/toy/food?
You make us so happy and we love you so much.
Please could you be nice to other dogs as Im sure you would love to play with them.
Let grandma sit down before you jump all over her
Which do you like better belly rubs or ear scratches?

I think I might have gone over 60 seconds

[RaininSummer]

I hope you are pleased that we picked you from the rescue and I hope your abusive owners are a distant memory. I hope you have sufficient balls but if you could try not to put them in my boots and bed that would be cool. Also sorry your dinner is often boring but it's good for your digestion. We love you a lot and will look after you until you are very very old I hope .

[chickensaresafehere]

Why are you so fascinated with light & shadows?
Did you really have a happy time as a puppy or was it different to how your previous owners said?
Thank you for filling the JRT hole in my heart that my old JRT left when she died after our 18 years together.

[LochJessMonster]

I love you.
I promise I will protect you from other dogs so you don't have to react to them. Please don't be so scared around them.

Are you happy with our life?

[BiteyShark]

Why do you huff so much?

[LochJessMonster]

@chickensaresafehere Often obsessive fascination with light and shadows is due to under stimulation as a puppy. With no external stimulation to keep them occupied, boredom means they latch on to whatever they can, and that is often shadows.

[pigsDOfly]

I think a lot of us would probably want to tell our dogs how much we love them and how happy we are that we have them in our lives. But I think a lot of dogs probably already know that.

If you give your dog a good life he/she is going to know you love them.

I'm convinced that dogs that have been rescued from bad backgrounds and now live in a loving home understand and appreciate their wonderful better life. Those dogs know the difference between being loved and being treated badly and whatever you want to call it, they know it's being loved.

I think I'd probably ask my dog what I could do to make her life more to her liking; what I'm failing on as a dog owner. As well, of course, as telling her how much I love her.

[Whynosnowyet]

What happened to you that turned you into such a bloody awful ddog??
And who taught you to open every door we have ever had?

[MaidenMotherCrone]

If you absolutely must be obsessed with your knob and arse can you please stop the slurping noises.

[BarkandCheese]

You know all those those things you think are a terrible danger and must be barked at, like seagull noises and carrier bags and the dust men? They’re not, really, I promise. You’re tiny, I’m not, I love you and it’s my job to keep you safe, not the other way around so please be a bit quieter and let me assess danger.
And also refusing to walk off lead, what’s that all about? I don’t mind you always being on the lead, but why if I let you off do you just stand still and stare at me until I put you back on?
And did I say I love you?

[CornishPorsche]

Please stop eating cat poo.
Are you happy? What can we do for you?
You know when we go out, we're always coming back, right?

[IndigoGusset]

These are really sweet and funny.

Mine would be:

1. You know if you came back to me every single time I called you, without fail, you'd get off lead more often don't you?
2. Do you also realise that the number of showers you have is DIRECTLY linked to the number of times you roll in fox poo, so I hope it's worth it

oh, and

1. The squeeky bit is NOT edible!

[Girliefriendlikespuppies]

Are you okay?

We love you so much, best boy.

Please resist rolling in fox poo.

[Alidalivali]

You were a fucker, but I loved you. And I miss you.

[Toria70]

Indigo I think we share the same dog

[ChessIsASport]

You’ve got to go on a diet because the vets says so. So please stop begging for treats. I love you and want you to be healthy so I can’t keep feeding you extras.

Don’t eat things you find in the woods. It never ends well.

[Biddie191]

Please don't put your tongue in my mouth
I love you very much, but you didn't need to eat the hockey glove
If you always came back when you were called it would be much better
Don't get under the ponies feet as it will hurt if you are stepped on
Don't lick the log burner (hurts)
If you are going to be sick, don't do it in J's bed (somewhere with a washable floor is best)
If you didn't chew everything, you'd be allowed in the sitting room whenever you liked!
Come and give me a cuddle (without tongues)

[Biddie191]

Oh and definitely avoid eating fox poo, or rolling in it - you know you hate showers

[ByAppointmentTo]

We love you!

Do you miss your brother? (our other dog died in November) Would you like another dog to keep you company do you enjoy all the extra cuddles?

What's your favourite walk?

Please will you stop going beserk when you see a squirrel or cat. My shoulder hurts!

[VetOnCall]

I would ask my dogs:
Are you happy?
What can I do to make your lives better?
What are your most favourite and least favourite things?

I would tell them:
I love you more than I can ever explain.
You are such good dogs, you're the best.
You will always have a home and be safe with me.
Everything I do for, with and to you is only with your best interests at heart, including putting you in the shower when you roll in fox shit.
And speaking of which...
Please, please, please for the love of god stop rolling in fox shit every chance you get.
I still love you even though you love fox shit so much.

[IndigoGusset]

I feel a bit guilty now for not using my own sixty seconds to ask IndigoDog what he likes - but he's REALLY opinionated and I feel like he's super clear when he likes and doesn't like things

[marmitedoughnut]

Will you please stop stealing things.

[RickOShay]

These are lovely, like everybody I would say how much I loved him. And how grateful I am to have him in my life. I would ask him how much pain he is in. He has osteo arthritis.
I would thank him for everything he’s taught me. I will always love him.