Considering rehoming - not dog's fault!

(46 Posts)
Lizzie982 Sat 25-Jan-20 20:10:08

Hello.
Please no hate, I already feel awful and know it's all our own doing.

We have a two year old chocolate lab . Had her since 8 weeks old. She's lovely and affectionate and we love her dearly, but we never quite managed to train her as well as we should have done - and tbh, though we did give it a lot of thought, I think we underestimated the impact of a dog.

Long story short, we now have a 5 month old boy. We can't let him crawl on the kitchen/diner floor as the dog makes it so unhygienic. She is still destroying objects we leave within her reach, despite giving her walks and toys . She occasionally still wees in the house. She still pulls on the lead, making walking her with the pram really hard.

She is costing a small fortune in doggy day care as we don't want to leave her on her own for more than a couple of hours, it's not fair - but we will soon have nursery fees to contend with....

We are really torn about this but considering giving her up for adoption.

Has anyone done this? Did you regret it? I love the idea of my boy growing up with a dog, but just don't have the time, energy or money to be the good dog owner I want to be.... don't know what to do 😢

OP’s posts: |
NiktheGreek Sat 25-Jan-20 20:13:01

None of those issues are insurmountable. You'd find a way to sort them if you wanted to. It's all mainly down training.

Floralnomad Sat 25-Jan-20 20:15:28

Rehome her through a proper rescue or breed rescue , she deserves better and remember this episode before you inflict yourself on another dog in the future . Your son is only 5 months old , the dog is 2 , so you have absolutely no excuse for her being badly trained especially in regards to her not being properly house trained . That said I’m constantly amazed at how many people I speak to who admit to having dogs that pee in the house overnight .

EnglishRain Sat 25-Jan-20 20:15:54

I agree with PP, mainly it's training. But it doesn't sound like you want to work on her. I'd give her to the Labrador breed rescue, they vet homes well. I wouldn't give her away unless it was to someone you know well and trust. Especially if she is not spayed.

KatharinaRosalie Sat 25-Jan-20 20:15:59

No we didn't get rid of our pets (including 2 dogs) when DC came along.

2 years old is still young, train her if she's not properly trained. It really makes a massive difference.

What is the dog doing to make the floors so unhygienic? If you wipe her paws after walk and run a vacuum around, surely it can't be that bad?

Babamamananarama Sat 25-Jan-20 20:18:36

Re the hygiene issue: according to an eminent microbiologist I heard speak, getting a dog is one of the best things you can do for your kids in terms of their immune systems, as they will develop a robust micro biome coming into contact with doggy stuff. So don't make that a bigger deal than it needs to be.

Look, by your own admission this issue is down to you not putting the time and effort in. While you are on mat leave you have an opportunity to pull your socks up and give this dog what she deserves. Labs are very trainable dogs!

Please don't think that adoption is a simple way out - rescues are full to bursting, but you'd need any future home properly vetting to make sure your dog doesn't end up as dog fight bait, or passed from pillar to post.

justanothergrumblebum Sat 25-Jan-20 20:19:47

You make it work. I unexpectedly found myself a single parent when dd was 12 weeks old and ddog was 2. Since then I have gone back to work full time, and there is no way I would give up my dog. I've had her since she was 10 weeks old...
what you need to do is get some more training done, she shouldn't be weeing in the house at 2!!!
I've got an amazing dog walker who I drop her off to on the way to work after dropping dd... and obviously pick her up in the evening before collecting dd from childcare. I pay a lot I know, and it adds half an hour to my journey each way, but the dog is worth it, and dd's best mate. Guess you have to work out whether or not yours is worth it.
Good luck!

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TheSubtleArt Sat 25-Jan-20 20:20:06

When our babies were crawling, we used stair gates to keep the dogs in only certain areas. Is this an option?

Kongs will help alleviate chewing boredom and if you get a few, fill and freeze, it will help too.

A halti head lead can be worth a try for the pulling.

For the weeing indoors, cleaning with the enzyme cleaners is a must and reinforcement of outdoor weeing with a high value treat can move things along in that department.

Do you have anybody who might help you share the care of your dog whilst your baby is little?

Junie70 Sat 25-Jan-20 20:24:06

I've got a 13 month old puppy. She hasn't weed in the house since she was 4 months old. Because she's been given time effort and attention.

Why are people so cruel?

justanothergrumblebum Sat 25-Jan-20 20:25:35

@junie70 exactly

SheSaidNoFuckThat Sat 25-Jan-20 20:27:01

Pay for some training sessions before little one starts needing childcare, give your dog the training it deserves/needs

confusedandemployed Sat 25-Jan-20 20:28:06

Sorry I know you asked for no flamings but seriously?!

Firstly the hygiene thing - meh. I'm a great believer in exposure to improve the immune system.

She still wees in the house? Anxiety? Boredom? Is she walked enough? You sound like you've already checked out of her existence, so yeah she's gonna sense your indifference.

I give up. And wish people would grow a few brain cells before getting a dog.

LolaSmiles Sat 25-Jan-20 20:33:28

You've already admitted you underestimated the work of a dog, and that would especially be the case for a labrador, so there's no benefit in anyone kicking you when you're down.

The question is what to do now.

I'd spend the money on training sessions and put the work in there first. There's no reason, assuming no medical issues, for a 2 year old dog to be weeing in the house.

On the damage front, I would look at your day and lifestyle. Are you providing your dog with enough exercise and stimulation? If not then they will make their own entertainment and whiks some people will claim their large dog is happy indoors all day and don't pester for a walk, that's probably because the poor dog has become resigned to their small world.

Before rehoming:
- do meaningful and consistent toilet training
- give them enough exercise and stimulation

GrumpyMiddleAgedWoman Sat 25-Jan-20 21:05:12

If you plan on rehoming, the contract you signed when you bought the dog might stipulate that you have to let the breeder know. You should in any case inform the breeder, in case they want to be involved.

AvocadosBeforeMortgages Sat 25-Jan-20 21:07:47

None of these are insurmountable. I slowly and accidentally acquired a 14-20 month old, totally untrained dog (sit? What's that? Bin raiding? Great fun! I lost count of the number of times he saw a "scary" thing, panicked and bit my legs, hard, due to the panic - you get the picture) and somehow managed to turn him into a perfectly nice dog (couple of rough edges, but oh well) despite working full time, not being able to afford day care and having no actual experience of dog training. My motto was always that a tired dog is a good dog - so I'd routinely spend 2-3 hours every night walking him after 8 hours at work and 2 hours on the tube, in all weathers and yes, after dark. After visiting a relative for the weekend, she declared that he's so nice, she'd like one just like him when her current DDog departs this planet. If I can do it, I'm certain you can.

Kids benefit from crawling around in grime. I grew up with dogs (at that age, a pair of very elderly, semi incontinent and slightly snappy little dogs) and a family who paid little attention to hygiene. I almost never get sick, to this day, and bugs that are going round just seem to pass me by. Unless your dog is taking a dump in the baby's cot, I wouldn't worry about it.

Find your local APDT accredited dog trainer and get some one to one help with issues like pulling on the lead. Keep anything out of DDog's reach that you don't want her to have (by which I mean, be tidy, even if you aren't clean!)

What are you currently feeding your dog? I find that giving him a better quality food (eg Wolf of Wilderness, Lukullus, Markus Muhle, Akela) keeps his behaviour much more manageable. I regretted getting the free trial of Tails.com after he suddenly turned into a hyper pain in the arse, and two Dentastix had a similar effect. It doesn't take much to upset his equilibrium. Www.allaboutdogfood.co.uk is a great comparison site.

Ultimately, what are you prepared to sacrifice in order to keep your dog?

TheMotherofAllDilemmas Sat 25-Jan-20 21:10:29

Sometimes the dog will be better off with a new owner who has the time, experience and inclination to get the best out of her.

Labrador rescue, I reckon.

lljkk Sat 25-Jan-20 21:11:35

MN is completely useless for this kind of Question, OP.

MNers will simultaneously say you're both an astoundingly horrible person who shouldn't be allowed to keep a pet scabies crab as a pet and in next breath insist that you can fix every single one of those problems. That they aren't any big deal at all. Plus sending the dog to a shelter would be a high crime of the century.

Except those who say that thank goodness the dog is leaving you since you're a complete oxygen thief.

I can't help. I don't mind a bit of poor hygiene myself. I do suggest you never bring another painful problem to MN fora in future, though.

slipperywhensparticus Sat 25-Jan-20 21:12:23

If you cant cope you cant cope I would put time money and effort into the dog but you must realise that not coping will be detrimental to everyone long term

My suggestion is put minimum of six months into training really intensive training change the lead etc as suggested get a trainer if its genuinely not getting better then it might be best to rehome

Incidentally what are you planning to do with the dog when you go back to work if you cant afford doggy day care?

LittleLongDog Sat 25-Jan-20 21:16:09

we never quite managed to train her as well as we should have done

She’s two. It is still very possible to train her.

The question is; do you want to?

Thedeadwood Sat 25-Jan-20 21:17:52

If I had a pound for every time I hear this story.
People don’t so their research properly about what having a dog entails, get dog, don’t bother investing the time or effort in training, get pregnant, can’t cope with baby and an untrained/unhappy dog.
I know you don’t want a flaming but you deserve one. It’s the same story for thousands of dogs who end up in rescue.
As others have said, the problems are not insurmountable but you didn’t sort them before the baby so I highly doubt you’ll sort them now.

Rehome the dog but only do so via a decent rescue (ideally breed specific). Under no circumstances rehome or sell them on social media or any other website

lisag1969 Sat 25-Jan-20 21:24:55

Bitter apple spray will stop them from chewing stuff you don't want to chew on. Get a dog trainer to train your dog. If you gave her up how do you know she's going somewhere who loves her.
You will worry about that.
If you get the dog trainer to train her to stay home too. You will have cracked everything. Unless you have someone you know to have her who loves her. Don't give her up. If you gave her to someone who didn't treat her right you'd never forgive yourself. X

caringcarer Sat 25-Jan-20 21:30:29

If the dog is weeing in the house are you taking it out to wee outside often enough? We have a dog flap to allow both dogs and all 6 cats to get in and out to toilet when they need to. Dogs poo n walk. They get two or three walks each day. Wear them out then they will behave. When our dogs come back into house they have to walk over a large mat and then we use doggy wipes to wipe their paws clean from mud. Use a clicker to train dogs. The dog was there before you got pregnant so you should have worked harder when they were small puppies. Our 2 dogs are 2 years old and have been toilet trained since four-five months. How often do you need to go for a wee? Your dog can hold it a bit longer then a human bit when you go take dog out for five mins to see if it needs to go to. Dogs generally get upset when they wee indoors. If you are not taking them out often enough it is your fault. Dogs do cost money but you knew that when you got it. If you are going to re-home the dog at least toilet train it first otherwise it will struggle to find a new home through no fault of its own. If you were going to choose a rescue dog would you choose one that weed indoors? I could no longer dump our wonderful pets than a child.

AvocadosBeforeMortgages Sat 25-Jan-20 21:34:05

I could no longer dump our wonderful pets than a child.

Last in, first out?

Healthy five month old babies are a lot more adoptable than two year old undertrained labradors...

Branleuse Sat 25-Jan-20 22:00:14

If you actually trained her it would be a lot more pleasant having a dog. Cant you get a trainer in? I think its pretty shitty to give up an adolescent dog so readily. Put some effort into training her or get someone in

Bodear Sat 25-Jan-20 22:07:08

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

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