Hate myself for thinking this, when will ddog ‘fit in’?

(13 Posts)
whowrotethebookoflove Sun 29-Dec-19 11:36:14

In July our family cat was hit by a car, I was (still am) absolutely devastated and still grieving. We have always had animals and I really needed another life force in my home. A couple of months later we adopted a young terrier cross from a rescue.

He’s a lovely dog, wonderful temperament, so cuddly and loves a good walk. Has some behavioural issues which we are working on. The only thing is, and I feel terrible for even saying it, is that I still don’t feel like he ‘fits in’ perfectly into our home yet, is that normal??? And if so, when will that be?

I’m 100% committed to him, as I said he’s a wonderful boy. But when we first got him I really struggled, the first 4 weeks were horrendous and I cried loads thinking I’d made a huge mistake. I’m not a stupid person and have had animals all my life, but the level of commitment really threw me, and also looking after a 3 year old I found it hard to juggle the 2. Also I knew that he wouldn’t replace my cat, but maybe I wanted to replace the relationship and I put too much on it at the start.

My and ddog are still learning about each other. But I sometimes feel that life was so much easier when he wasn’t here, and that he doesn’t quite ‘fit in’ yet. My DH didn’t really want a dog, although he takes his responsibility for him and also has said recently that he does love and care for him. Maybe it’s because things were much easier with the cat and also this has been a big change?

Anyway I’d be happy to know your thoughts. I’m committed to ddog and would be so sad if he knew I felt this way 😂 as he’s such a happy chap.

OP’s posts: |
BiteyShark Sun 29-Dec-19 11:42:29

I think dogs are a big tie and commitment. Yours is a rescue whereas mine was a puppy but even so I didn't really love or bond with my dog for a very long time (many months).

I adore him but I recognise my life is much harder now than it was pre dog.

I wouldn't worry about him not fitting as I am sure that is just because he's still new. One thing that did help our bond was to do something that was just fun together. We choose agility but it could be anything.

Bobstergirl Sun 29-Dec-19 11:46:58

Live is usually "easier" without a dog.

When I get new dogs there is always a period of adjustment. They are not the same as my other dogs, I have to train them to do what I need and also they "strangers" in my house.

I do enjoy the training though so this helps a lot with this period. Give it time and you will settle into a comfy routine but it will not be the same routine as you had with your cat.

If you can get out and do more things with your dog - do you fancy some new dog sport or activity, you will meet new people. If meeting people is not your thing plan a weekly walk in a new area with a pub lunch to finish and see how your dog can open up new areas for you.

FacesLookUgly Sun 29-Dec-19 13:12:32

My and ddog are still learning about each other.

This is key, I think.

Whilst life with a dog is rarely easy because they need such input, it does get much easier once the dog learns your habits and mannerisms. Things like moving out your way when you're trying to go downstairs with a bag or knowing you're boring for the first hour of the day so they may as well go and lie down somewhere.

That kind of thing.

I suspect your little guy hasn't had enough time to do that, yet.

Spotty528 Sun 29-Dec-19 19:49:09

I’ve been wondering this myself lately. We’ve had our pup for nearly 7 weeks now but things haven’t clicked yet. It still feels like we’re looking after a houseguest rather than him being a member of the family. I worry about him a lot and if we’re doing right by him. I think the key for me is when I feel relaxed about him, I hope that does eventually happen.

MrsMozartMkII Sun 29-Dec-19 19:52:35

Life is definitely easier without a dog. They definitely tie you more than a cat does.

On the other hand, they're just bloody wonderful.

IdiotInDisguise Sun 29-Dec-19 19:58:53

My last dog was with me for such a long time, I didn’t realise when he turned deaf. We were so used to communicate with signs that words were redundant.

My next dog arrived 6 months after old dog passed away. The first year was exactly as having around a person who didn’t speak the “language”. Now we have our own different language and I adore her, but it took a good while.


itchity Sun 29-Dec-19 20:03:12

I really struggled when we got our puppy a year ago.
She didn’t smell like our old dog, and didn’t behave like him either!
I had puppy blues for months and months. I cried so much!
Me and her are best friends now. She’s an absolute joy. Just give it time. I’d say it took 6 months and at that point I was replying to another post on here and realised that I actually loved her for the first time!

user1471453601 Sun 29-Dec-19 20:07:10

@FacesLuckUgly, your dog gets out of your way? Really? We've had adorable rescue girl for nearly two years now. She has learned such a lot (sit, paw, gentle ((when takin treats from your hand)). But getting from under my feet? No chance. She greets us at the bottom of the stairs after our shower.

Does she move away to let us come all the way down. She does not. Does she run around me when she runs in after "going" in the garden? She does not. She prefers to try to run through me.

Good job i love the idiot

FacesLookUgly Sun 29-Dec-19 20:22:22

Ha! Ours have ended up with a laundry basket (accidentally) dropped on their heads too many times to not scoot out the way on the stairs grin

They do know "excuse me" though, as well.

Even if yours doesn't know that particular thing, there will be loads ways they have picked up on your quirks and adjusted to them. The one thing that always stands out to me about puppies is how much of the everyday things they need to learn, quite apart from any traditional obedience training stuff.

Hovverry Sun 29-Dec-19 20:33:22

I find it hard not to tell people that my dog is a disappointment. I got him in a hurry because I was heartbroken after losing a dog who was absolutely perfect for me. The new one is such bloody hard work and so different. I do love him but he’s not the soulmate my last dog was even after two years.

Tumbleweed101 Mon 30-Dec-19 09:05:10

It does take time. I’ve got a much stronger bond with my new dog since we have been doing training classes together.

I think dogs have very strong personalities and are very different from each other. My new dog is just over a year old now. He’s very much a ‘boy’ and very different to the female dogs I’ve had over the years. He’s enthusiastic and boisterous and a pain. He digs holes in the garden and gets covered in mud on a daily basis. He barks more than any of my other dogs.

Yet I love him more than the other dogs I’ve had despite all the naughty stuff because this one is ‘mine’. He’s the only dog I’ve chosen by breed and the only one I’ve picked from a litter without a family member with me. It’s taken a year to see the dog I wanted emerging from the puppy but as he matures and calms a little more he’s going to be lovely.

whowrotethebookoflove Mon 30-Dec-19 18:13:17

Thank you for all your replies. I do feel it’s like having a houseguest atm. And he’s such a lovely boy I feel bad about that, he’s a rescue and didn’t ask to come and live with us! I haven’t really being doing any training as such, as I was struggling so much to begin with our behaviourist said to just let ddog settle in and then focus on proper training later on, which I’m going to really start when my son goes back to nursery and the Xmas mess is all done with!
I do think the training will bond us together and also make things easier in general. I want to make it work for all of us x

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