I miss my dog so much but we can't get another - can we?

(29 Posts)
WhoisitnowRalph Wed 18-Dec-19 20:43:59

I lost my dog 5 weeks ago, she was in chronic pain and we just couldn't let her go on. She was 12 and a half and she was my child substitute, I still cry a little for her every day and so does DH.

We fantasise about getting another dog (we talk about breeds and names!) but it just isn't practical. We were lucky with Ddog that she could be left and was used to it (we didn't plan that, life just changed and we were fortunate that she took it in her stride), but a new dog from a rescue or a puppy obviously couldn't be.

Is it possible to plan daycare and dog walkers etc in advance of a new dog? We could never have that kind of help before as our dog was super aggressive to anything that moved so nothing and no one could interact with her - I hope that any new pup will be "normal" so we can arrange such things as daycare or regular walks whilst we're at work.

Realistically I just can't see it working though. We are going to have to pine until we're retired aren't we! Am I being defeatist or realistic?

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lightnesspixie Wed 18-Dec-19 20:52:46

Honestly? Go for it! If you overthink it it's like having kids you'd never do it. That said - you do need to plan walkers etc to accommodate work commitments. These days there are so many options - doggy daycare or trusted walkers. If you can balance those against maybe part-time working it can work. It will need careful consideration of which is the right dog for you but there is one out there. Do it! Best of luck 🐾 🐾🐾🐾

Dazedandconfused10 Wed 18-Dec-19 21:00:35

If you can afford walkers and day care do it. My dog loved day care so much. He was so happy when he came home. I'd go for it.

JesusInTheCabbageVan Wed 18-Dec-19 21:05:45

No harm in visiting your local rescue regularly. You know, just on the off chance. bear<ok not a dog but close.

Maneandfeathers Wed 18-Dec-19 21:18:34

What are your working hours and what hours would it be alone?

Personally I wouldn’t leave a dog at home all day alone but there are plenty of options. I don’t like daycare as such but a private home border with another dog or two would be an option.

Chancey1982 Wed 18-Dec-19 21:22:32

I pay a friend to have my dog while I work. I can't afford official dog care and he loves it there. Is that an option?

wombandovaries Wed 18-Dec-19 21:24:07

You sound like you could offer a lovely home as you are focussing on how you can meet the dogs welfare needs before even meeting a new one. Previous posters are absolutely right, there are lots of options for walkers, sitters and daycares. Middle aged dogs often struggle to find a new home and they are often settled and used to being left for a little while in the day before the dog walker arrives. No harm in putting feelers out is there? smile


Chancey1982 Wed 18-Dec-19 21:24:09

Book a bit of time off each to help pup settle first though and so you can toilet train them.

Girlintheframe Thu 19-Dec-19 05:19:31

We contacted daycare before we got a pup. I went to have a look around and check they had space for us/we liked it before getting pup. We needed some where flexible as my days are not set. Had they not had a space we couldn't have got pup. Thankfully they did and pup has been going since he was 13 weeks. I'm sure partly as a result of this he loves other dogs and has some pretty good manners/understanding of when a dog does/doesn't want to play with him.
The hardest part however was the first 5 weeks when he first got him as he had to wait for his vaccinations before starting daycare. We had to have someone with him 24/7.
I understand the big hole left when a Ddog dies, for us getting pup has been absolute joy.

WhoisitnowRalph Thu 19-Dec-19 06:10:18

I can't tell you how heartened I am to read these replies this morning! Maybe, just maybe...

Yes, it would be possible to take some time off initially for toilet training or general settling in. We both work, DH 4 days a week and me 5 although I usually have at least 2 days at home. So typically, and subject to changes, there would be 3 days of daycare to plan (but if I change jobs, which is very likely, I might be in London 5 days a week). We can be out for up to 13 hours on a long day.

There is some potential for a dog to go to work with DH, although she may have to spend a couple of hours alone in the van on and off throughout the day (he goes from job to job) so that won't work in summer.

I'm going to look at some daycare options and see what the cost is. I'm not getting my hopes up just yet, in my heart I still think it isn't realistic but...I am so desperate to touch and love a dog!

DH is set on a border terrier puppy. smile I really want to rehome, but we may not get far considering how strict rehoming requirements are.

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WhoisitnowRalph Thu 19-Dec-19 06:37:16

Blimey, day care would be £320pm for 4 days a week. We don't have that spare. sad

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Spotty528 Thu 19-Dec-19 06:41:55

So sorry for your loss. I don’t understand this board sometimes. People get absolutely flamed when they come on asking for help with their puppies when they’ve had to go back to work. I read over and over again that a dog walker or day care with a tiny pup is not enough. Our pup is 15 weeks and I’d have to agree. It’s relentless. I’m sorry I haven’t got an answer for you but I don’t think you’re in a positive to get a puppy at the moment.

Rolypolybabies Thu 19-Dec-19 06:42:23

Not a terrier, but friends have recently adopted a greyhound that has settled very well. The rescue were happy for it to be left with a walker come in once . Much cheaper than day care.

Spotty528 Thu 19-Dec-19 06:43:21


Have you looked at the dog walking sites? Where you volunteer to walk peoples dogs? Not the same I know 😞

OliviaBenson Thu 19-Dec-19 06:47:00

I don't think you are suitable for a puppy, 13 hours even with dog walkers is far too long.

I'd go to some local rescues and talk to them. Do you have anyone that can help? Daycare is expensive but there may be other options.

Sorry for your loss op.

ChewChewIsMySpiritAnimal Thu 19-Dec-19 06:50:48

I agree what about a greyhound? There are tons of them looking for homes and there renowned for being couch potatoes. Get a dog walker in on the days you're out. Years ago people used to have dogs and work and they were fine. I wouldn't suggest a puppy in your circumstances. Unfortunately you don't really have the luxury of choosing the exact dog you want, such as a border terrier puppy, you need to find one that will best fit your circumstances.

ForTheTimeBeing Thu 19-Dec-19 07:00:28

There are many smaller rescues who are less strict in their rehoming criteria and assess each case individually. I’m sure you’d fit the bill for an older, calm dog.

MurrayTheMonk Thu 19-Dec-19 07:14:50

Our dogs have walkers whilst we work and they are fine. You will get a lot of people on here telling you that you can't leave a dog longer than twenty minutes without it being psychologically destroyed but that's never been my experience (nor that if any dog owners I've met in real life).
If you can afford good and reliable dog care for whilst you are out and your house is set up for it you will be fine. If a puppy though you will have to plan to use some annual leave to settle it in at first.

FuriousFlannels Thu 19-Dec-19 08:16:08

- seperation distress remains one of the most common behaviour disorders seen by behaviourists
- as many as 8/10 dogs show signs of distress when left alone
- just over 50% of their owners are unable to recognise those signs, instead reporting that they think their dogs are not at all stressed

Of course you get anecdotes about dogs being fine - it's a self selecting sample. All the dogs that are not fine with that will have been rehomed or had other arrangements. Having spent time volunteering in dog shelters, I'd estimate that about a third of the dogs I saw handed in were because they couldn't cope being left alone.

We have 3 dogs, all grown and sound and well behaved. There is no way on earth they could spend 13 hours a day alone - even with someone coming twice to walk them - without there being behavioural and emotional consequences to that.

WhoisitnowRalph Thu 19-Dec-19 09:22:12

Well, I'm generally with the posters who say dogs shouldn't be left, hence looking into daycare, not just dog walkers!

We just can't do it, we have to be realistic. A greyhound would be a bit too big for our camper. smile

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BiteyShark Thu 19-Dec-19 09:42:24

I got a puppy but spent the first month at home.

He then went to daycare (run by a dog walker so not many dogs), but we were lucky as she took him on at 13 weeks when other daycare centres had a much older age restriction.

It is very pricey though but worth every penny knowing he is having fun rather than waiting for me to come home.

bluetongue Thu 19-Dec-19 10:10:26

Probably not the answer you’re looking for but would consider a cat instead? (unless of course you already have one.)

Having now been a cat and a dog owner I think the cat was so much easier and less stress. They actually have really amazing, individual personalities and obviously will also be much cheaper.

I really love my dog but if I were to have my time again I’d probably get another cat instead.

WhoisitnowRalph Thu 19-Dec-19 13:06:42

I'd have a cat but DH won't hear of it.

We could do the time off for puppy toilet training and socialisation, and we would certainly want daycare as we wouldn't expect to be leaving her for any extended period - but the reality is we can't afford it. So it will have to remain a dream, and a sad dog-free house.

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MaryLennoxsScowl Fri 20-Dec-19 22:06:47

Could you try a friend who might want to earn a bit of extra money but isn’t as expensive as a professional day care? My puppy goes to a sitter I found through Pawshake, which is a site that matches people who want to look after pets with pet owners. It’s £15 per day and all the big day care places were at least £20.

WhoisitnowRalph Sat 21-Dec-19 17:10:01

Pawshake? Hmm, will go have a look, thanks!

No, I wouldn't want to try and put that responsibility onto a friend or relative or neighbour - too much of a burden for them. And DH said today he doesn't want a dog that has to be looked after by someone else, so it looks like 20 years to wait to retirement anyway!

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