I'm hoping for some advice on my situation, so apologies if this turns out to be a bit long.
I desperately want a dog. I grew up with one, a lurcher. We got him from the RSPCA when he was about 12 weeks old. I was 7 and we had him until I was 20. I always imagined that one day, I would get another.
I spent the decade from 20 to 30 mostly single and not in a position to get a dog. Then I met my husband when I was 28 and we spent a lot of time enjoying ourselves, travelling, not having any responsibilities. Then, when we had settled down, we spent a couple of years doing IVF and now we have a daughter, who is nearly 7. Sorry for all this detail, but I hope it's useful background.
I have always loved dogs, and especially sighthounds. But because I was busy with all those other things, I guess I wasn't yearning for one as much as I am now. My sister got a puppy 2 years ago and that really intensified my yearning - I miss my dog such a lot and would be desperately sad if he turned out to be my only ever dog. My sister's dog is nice, but he is quite intense. He is not a sighthound and he has a totally different character to my old dog, who I think about a lot. Quite often, I dream about him. Or I dream that I have another dog. Then when I wake up, I'm so disappointed!
I work from home part-time right now and last year we got a secure, 6-foot high fence for our large garden. We live in a detached house, and have a mortgage, so don't need to ask anyone permission to have a dog. DD is used to a bouncy dog (my sister's) and we have been on holiday with him, spent Christmases with him and so on, so I think she would do well around a dog. She knows what to do and what not to do.
The thing is, my husband doesn't love dogs. He did not grow up with any pets. He will tolerate my sister's dog but I don't think he is over-keen...he is a labradoodle, very bouncy, hairy, a bit smelly and very in your face. You know he is there!
I have tried to tell him greyhounds are totally different but I am not sure if this dog (lovely as he is) is the best PR!
Anyway, we both agreed that for various reasons now might be a good time to get a family pet. We both agree it would be good for our daughter, who has some anxiety and self-confidence issues at the moment. She is also desperate for a pet.
Not wanting to push the dog angle, I looked at rats, because I understand them to be quite affectionate (I'm not interested in other rodents: I had a hamster as a child and it didn't really like me and was a pain in the backside). I want a pet that will give some love back. I know that rats do this.
DH was up for getting rats but then I learnt about hantavirus and their very short lifespan - a breeder suggested I should get 3 rats and put aside £150 for vets' bills for each of them. It's rare to have a rat that makes it to 3 years old so it seems like a lot of emotional and financial investment in something that will be so short-lived. You have to play with rats for an hour outside their cage each day as well, which I'm fine with, but I would not want to take that job on without DH also being hands-on. I think he might have imagined that rats would be an "easy" option compared to dogs.
DH was also up for getting a cat, but we didn't want to put a cat flap in the front door and putting one in the back door (French patio doors) would be costly because we would have to replace a pane of glass, I think. We were also not too sure about litter trays (I will be honest and say I don't really want one in the house!). Cats aren't my favourites, but I don't dislike them, and I sort of figured that any pet is better than none at all (is that wrong?).
When DD was 5, we had a chat about dogs and DH said he would "think about" getting a dog when our DD was 6 and a bit more grown-up. He even came to an open day at a greyhound rescue that I used to volunteer with, and conceded that they hounds were "very calm", and that a blue one we saw at the kennels "looked okay".
But the age of 6 came and went and he basically just said "I've thought about it and I don't want to". Which I guess is fair enough and I would never force the issue (which is why I've considered rats and cats), but I felt as though he'd led me on a bit.
He has since said it is "unlikely" he would ever want a dog but that "the door is not closed".
But I said to DH at the weekend I really wanted to have a proper chat about pets. DD is an only child, not through choice, and I feel like she would get so much out of it. I went through the pros and cons of rats and cats and explained why I wanted him to consider dogs and he did not disagree. I'm not sure either of us want a cat flap, really, and I am not sure how cats 'work' without one. Also, I'm hugely nervous about getting a cat because it would seriously restrict the type of dog we could potentially have. Anyway, I said to him I wanted to talk about rats, cats and dogs and he said okay.
Then he said that if we did get a dog, he might be hands-off with it. I'm fine with this (but would not accept it for any other pet) and I think maybe he would grow to love a dog anyway, if we got the right one. Every time I think about dogs I get quite emotional so it is a highly-charged topic for me, and basically I'm looking for advice on how to handle the chat?
Sorry this is so long. If having a dog was something he really, really didn't want to do then that would be that - we wouldn't do it. It would make me really sad but at the end of the day I wouldn't force it on anyone as that's not fair on DH or on the dog. But at the same time I feel like he's given vague hints and just maybe hasn't felt ready in the past, or if this isn't the case then he has led me on and should have said no, not ever!
I would love to hear your thoughts. I think DH would prefer a small dog and I know greyhounds can be pretty big so I am not sure how I would handle that one. I volunteered at a greyhound rescue, walking the dogs, so I'm used to them. I like whippets too but hardly ever seem them at rescue centres. And I have always liked lurchers but of course they come in all different shapes and sizes.
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The doghouse
Have you got a rescue dog? Especially a greyhound, lurcher or whippet? Advice please....
63 replies
copperstrike76 · 25/11/2019 16:37
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