Losing your best friend

(32 Posts)
Doggymummy86 Sat 23-Nov-19 09:14:14

Hey everyone,
It’s been 6 months since I’ve lost my best friend, he was my whole routine & life. I’m finding it so hard to be “normal” again. Even just seeing the little videos & pictures I took of him just brings back the hurt and pain all over again .... surely this Achy feeling has gotta get better ??!??? 💔 🐶 💙

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BiteyShark Sat 23-Nov-19 09:16:34

I don't think I can offer any words of comfort because they worm their way into your heart which breaks when they aren't there. thanks

Doggymummy86 Sat 23-Nov-19 09:25:49

They’re little shits lol it’s even just like silly things like not having his little stocking up for Christmas or a little present under the tree for him ... I literally treated him like my baby he was a spoilt pup lol

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ByAppointmentTo Sat 23-Nov-19 10:29:41

It hurts more than I ever imagined it would. I'm afraid I don't know how long you will feel like that. It's very early days for us. Our six year old dog was put to sleep last Sunday and the house feels so much emptier without him. Our remaining dog is very subdued.

Frankie was a real live wire, would bark at anyone walking past or any animal noises on the television, would try and steal food when he could, always gave us a very enthusiastic welcome when we came home and was great at playing football with DS. He drove me potty a lot of the time and I would curse him daily but I miss him so much.

We at least still have the routine of dog walking etc with our other dog. I suspect that the only way to get over the dog shaped hole in your life is to get another dog when you feel ready to do that again. Is that something that you've started to think about?

Doggymummy86 Sat 23-Nov-19 11:14:32

I’m so sorry to hear about your fur baby, your other baby must be so confused.
I did rescue another dog but unfortunately he just wasn’t the one for us which kinda makes me feel as if you’ve lost two dogs.
They’re just like children aren’t they ... Murphy was just the biggest diva I’ve ever come across. It’s so hard getting back into a normal routine 🐶

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cheesewitheverything Sat 23-Nov-19 13:42:25

Totally with you in this, op. We had to have our lovely boy pts in July and life hasn't been the same since. I need to have another dog or at least the hope of having one, as my life feels quite empty at times. I need something to care for, a friend who will make me go out in the rain and mud no matter what, a furry presence in the house to make it whole. Crying as I write this, so daft... DH isnt sure he wants another dog as he 'can't go through it again'. Anyone else had that? I don't know what I will do if he won't budge on that!

Doggymummy86 Sat 23-Nov-19 14:18:23

My eyes are watering too! I’m going through that aswell, he won’t budge on getting another dog .. yet but I think he’s just putting me off. I never thought I would miss him so much, walking him in gale force winds, rain snow was a pleasure. He always got spoiled at Christmas so not being able to wrap his little present is killing me. Murphy was a rescue dog and I only had him for 6 years. The guilt isn’t easing x

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cheesewitheverything Sat 23-Nov-19 14:23:52

That's interesting your DP is feeling like mine. Friends have said just bring a dog home, but I couldn't do that, it would be so unfair. A dog is such a huge commitment and you only realise that once you've had one! I know what you mean about the xmas present for him as well as we have always done that and adult dd has always bought something for him as well. Heartbreaking. I'm going for a walk soon with a friend and her dog, which is lovely, but not the same at all!

cheesewitheverything Sat 23-Nov-19 14:25:07

When dh asks me what I want for xmas, I tell him there is nothing. He knows what I want!

Doggymummy86 Sat 23-Nov-19 14:33:57

I must admit the only upside to not having a dog is being restricted when we went out, but to me that wasn’t even that much of a downside. I don’t want to start getting into a routine where a dog doesn’t exist in it.
I’m always home from work before DH and coming home to an empty house is the worst feeling especially when Murphy was so bouncy, even at the very end he still had the energy to come and see me as painful as it was for him.

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cheesewitheverything Sat 23-Nov-19 14:46:55

Yes, the upside is also no hair drifting around the place as our boy was a lab and they put hair everywhere! He was also keen to greet us and be with us even when he must have been in a lot of pain. I also go over it in my mind about whether we made the decision to pts too soon and whether he could have had another month or two. I know he was in too much pain, but even so you just go over it don't you? I think I will only feel better when we have another dog.

Topseyt Sat 23-Nov-19 15:42:55

I am absolutely with you here. My 15 year old labrador had to be put to sleep just three weeks ago and the pain is incredible. I put on a brave face for the rest of my family, and to be fair they are supportive. Underneath it though I am howling in anguish.

I really can't believe he is gone, and although I am very grateful to have had him for so long, I currently don't feel that I will ever get over it.

We still have a cocker spaniel who is lovely, but dog walks just aren't the same without my old boy plodding slowly along too.

I truly hope to have another labrador one day, and I do keep browsing Labrador Rescue pages. I need to convince DH though. He loved the lab too, and I think he may come round in time, but we are going at different places and that is hard.

Topseyt Sat 23-Nov-19 15:47:34

Even going out to do yucky jobs like clear the garden of dog poo can set me off, because I am no longer clearing up after him.

That makes me sound batshit, but it is true.

Doggymummy86 Sat 23-Nov-19 17:10:10

@cheesewitheverything your taking the words right out of my mouth, I feel so guilty thinking was it too soon but my head knows I probably left a little longer than what I should.

@Topseyt - I’m so sorry to hear about your Labrador 💔 my old boy was in a rescue centre for 3 years and I only had him for 6 years and for some reason I’m angry at myself for not thinking about going into the centre sooner and having more time with him. I know what you mean about the “dirty jobs” I found one of his balls under a hedge in the garden and I literally howled sitting on the wet grass. They certainly know how to steal your heart 💙💙

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Topseyt Sat 23-Nov-19 18:11:01

I agonised about when the right time to say goodbye was going to be, but right up until a few days before he died my boy seemed OK. Creaky and stiff, but overall a happy plodder. His anti-inflammatory medication was working and he seemed comfortable. He liked his now short walks and was still eating well.

Then suddenly over Saturday night/Sunday morning his appetite just went (a sure sign of illness in a lab, as they are usually the arch foodies). To cut a long story short, by that afternoon he seemed totally unable to get up and walk. I knew then that we could go on no longer and would have to go to the out of hours vet for the inevitable. DH and DD having to carry him that evening was one of the saddest sights ever and we all knew it was the right decision to let him go.

I comfort myself that it all happened very quickly, and there was no time for him to suffer. I know too that I couldn't have lived with myself if I had tried to keep him going. That would have been purely selfish of me.

I will miss him forever. Only other dog owners really understand.

Doggymummy86 Sat 23-Nov-19 18:16:54

You’ve literally just had me in tears 😭 it’s such a traumatic experience to go through - I don’t think I reacted this way when my dad passed away 😳
I’ll never forget having to take him to the vets, he walked in with a big waggy tail and giving all the vets & reception staff big kisses ... breaks my heart just thinking about it 🐶💙

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Topseyt Sat 23-Nov-19 18:17:44

You must remember OP, that you gave your boy a great few years. You came along to the rescue at just the right time for him and gave him a great home. Hang on to that. You were the family he needed and was waiting for.

I think taking on a rescue dog is a great thing to do. I may yet go down that route in the future, but for now finances have turned tight for us and I know that realistically we will have to remain at one dog for now.

Topseyt Sat 23-Nov-19 18:24:36

Also, I will freely admit that I spent far more time with my dog over his 15 years than I did with many members of my wider family. So I was closer to him.

My neighbour said the same as you, OP. I understand it too. He said that the death of his dog was far more poignant to him that the deaths of some of his family, as he lived with his dog and he didn't live with them. You aren't alone.

cheesewitheverything Sat 23-Nov-19 19:14:36

@Topseyt I know just how that feels and our lab went down a very similar route. Up until the last 2 or 3 weeks he looked set to continue for years, just slower and slower. The end was quite a shock, even though he was old, because of that. He was so terrified at the vets, so nervous of where he was, it was awful. The vet was very kind but I just wanted it all over with quickly for him when we got there. And I agree, seeing him being carried in, was terrible. We came out and walked to the car without him, passing right by the window of the room we had left him in. Just heartbreaking.

Topseyt Sat 23-Nov-19 22:00:01

Cheesewitheverything, yes, that is exactly how it was for us. I know it was the only decision we could have made, but it was still soooo hard, and heartbreaking.

Those drives to and from the out of hours vet were the very hardest drives if my life too. Knowing what we had to do once we got there, and then returning home knowing that he wasn't with us.

Tonight it hit me again. I took my DD to a friend's 18th birthday party and it turned out that friend's house is on the edge of a big country park where my labrador used to love going when he was young.

cheesewitheverything Sat 23-Nov-19 23:52:27

@Topseyt it really helps knowing other people go through the same thing. I've spoken with other dog people but usually they actually have dogs, so it's different. People do understand though, so it's good to talk about it. Thanks for this and also thanks to op for the thread. I hope we are all going to forget some of the worst of this soon. Have you all seen the poem or whatever it is 'the love I left behind'? It's a dog talking about giving your love to another dog when he or she has died. I'm no good st putting links, but google it. Made me cry buckets but expresses it so well.

Doggymummy86 Sun 24-Nov-19 04:56:36

I was beginning to think I was the crazy dog lady that thought he was my child ... I’m so glad I’m not alone.
I’ll try and lighten the mood a little ... what’s the funniest thing your fur babies did that you look back on and just giggle ?
My motto always is have a little cry then think about the funny times 🐶

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cheesewitheverything Sun 24-Nov-19 09:03:36

Definitely crazy dog lady here as well, Dogmummy. Our lab was always under your feet, always in the way, tripping you up and trying to be where you were. In the kitchen this was especially so, as he wanted to catch anything that dropped or you gave him from what was cooking. We made the mistake of giving him scraps and leftovers so was always hopeful of food whenever we ate. We now eat in peace and have leftovers!

Doggymummy86 Sun 24-Nov-19 19:56:45

My lurcher never went to bed without his chew stick, hot water bottle and being tucked in. Apparently when he was in the rescue centre that’s what they did to calm him down at night and that he never got out of that habit, after coming in from his last walk he used to sit at the door and wait while I got his bed ready 🤨 he had everyone wrapped round his finger. He also knew where his “treat” cupboard was and was able to open it lol it was like having a baby

OP’s posts: |
Darklane Sun 24-Nov-19 20:12:22

Is this the one you meant?

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