Is this a sign that PILs shouldn't get a dog ?

(21 Posts)
eachbeach Mon 18-Nov-19 09:49:12

PILs have had dogs all their lives. Last one, a very gentle rescue jack Russel died about a year ago. They would dearly love another one, especially as FIL has the start of dementia as this would help him with routine and getting out of the house.

They would ideally like a rescue/ older dog, but when they have visit various shelters have been turned down, because my nephews (6 and 4) visit once a week for a few hours . We also visit about once a quarter and stay a night or two (DCs are 1,3,5).

I'm not a dog person (and frankly very very cautious around any dog where my children are involved) so ideally they wouldn't get one, but I can se how mich of a difference it would make to their lives.

So views please ? Does fact thatGCs visit regularly mean they shouldn't consider ? Any strategies ? Such as a local sitter for when children visit which would help them being accepted by a rescue centre ?

OP’s posts: |
MaidenMotherCrone Mon 18-Nov-19 09:50:58

Of course they should get a dog.

cathpinc Mon 18-Nov-19 09:55:24

So because you and your children visit four times a year, your experienced owner PILs shouldn't get a dog that might improve the quality of your FIL's life while he starts to cope with the onset of dementia?

BiteyShark Mon 18-Nov-19 09:56:13

Of course they should get a dog confused

adaline Mon 18-Nov-19 10:50:48

They should absolutely get a dog!

Why on earth do you think otherwise?

frostedviolets Mon 18-Nov-19 10:59:59

Personally, I'm not actually sure they should.
Not because of the grandchildren but because dementia is a horrible disease and very hard on the partner caring for the affected partner.
I would worry that as the disease progresses the dog might not get the care it needs due to the stress and intense care FIL will need.

goodwinter Mon 18-Nov-19 11:04:29

A dog sounds like it would be really good for them, and I don't think the occasional visit from children should be an issue at all, providing they have the right dog and take the usual precautions when kids are around.

However, I think they should have a plan in place in case his dementia develops rapidly and caring for a dog becomes too much for MIL on top of everything else.


sillysmiles Mon 18-Nov-19 11:06:12

so ideally they wouldn't get one

You realise how outstandingly selfish and self centred this is, don't you?

They want a dog. They think a dog would suit their lifestyles and potentially help your FIL navigate and scary and debilitating disease.

I think you partner and his siblings also need to be prepared to help MIL when/if the dementia progresses.

stucknoue Mon 18-Nov-19 11:07:10

They just need to get a dog that's ok with kids. Some shelters are ridiculous with their rules, we were refused for having a 9 & 11 year old a few years back so we got a puppy instead. Some orgs are less fussy

Branleuse Mon 18-Nov-19 11:07:54

Some rescue centres are ridiculously strict. Dogs trust wouldnt help me as i have kids and cats.
I spent ages looking and finally got a little 8 year old spanish dog who is just a complete joy. Try some of the foreign rescues maybe if the UK ones are being OTT

MustardScreams Mon 18-Nov-19 11:09:24

Wow. Just wow.

Sometimes your children aren’t the centre of the universe you know. Other people exist and live and have their own lives.

Yes they should get a dog. There’s tons of websites and research to say that having a dog is especially beneficial to people with dementia. Why would you want to take that away from your FIL?

SlothMama Mon 18-Nov-19 11:39:33

You're coming across as very selfish tbh, their lives don't revolve around your family. It's normal for them to want a pet to keep them company.

Winterdaysarehere Mon 18-Nov-19 11:41:40

Ime you do your dc a disservice by discouraging them a fantastic ddoggy friend...

Slappadabass Mon 18-Nov-19 11:52:19

I don't think the OP is discouraging them, she's actually asking for strategies to get a shelter to accept them, as they have been turned down by shelters previously because of grandchildren visiting.

They need to look for dogs listed as child friendly, our local RSPCA shelter list who or what other animal the dog up for adoption would be appropriate to live with.

GrumpyMiddleAgedWoman Mon 18-Nov-19 13:09:08

Small local or breed-specific rescues might be a better place to look. Rescues that foster dogs first also have a better idea of dogs are good with children.

One of my ILs acquired an elderly dog via a private rehoming arrangement when in the early stages of dementia. He was a huge comfort and had a good and enjoyable life.

eachbeach Mon 18-Nov-19 13:23:42

Ha baddly worded post ! @Slappadabass is right. Whilst I know nothing about dogs and they aren't my preference, I can see how one would be so, so beneficial, but every time they mention grandchildren they're turned down. I guess I'm asking (a) is could this be managed, ie would it be ok to shut off the dog in part of the house for a few hours when nephews are around if it's not comfortable with children or have a dog sitter when we visit for longer; (b) should we be reading something into the shelters rejecting them - I can see why they would be cautious but we know so many families with small children and dogs; (c) is there anywhere else they could look - they don't want a puppy ?

On dementia I see their point. He's been diagnosed early and it's part of a wider research which we've been told is slow moving so we think the pros outweigh the cons.

OP’s posts: |
Aquilla Mon 18-Nov-19 13:28:28

They should definitely get another dog.

Disfordarkchocolate Mon 18-Nov-19 13:32:33

It's very hard to get a dog that's suitable for children from the main shelters. Have they tried breed-specific rescue centres? Dogs can be amazing for mental health and seem to connect with people in a way humans can't. They should get a dog.

Scattyhattie Mon 18-Nov-19 14:11:35 (are others) Greyhound rescues often adopt to families so be surprised if visiting children are an issue. fairly low maintenance breed that sleep a lot, large but does mean less bending for strokes.

I've met an older couple where one has mobility issues who adopted a foreign rescue, while the dog is lovely it would be obvious to rescue that a large, nervous youngster wouldn't be the right one for their home & they've struggled. Its not just foreign rescues which are guilty of poorly matching but I'd say its higher risk due to way many operate and dogs prior lives.

Flippetydip Tue 19-Nov-19 15:52:23

Definitely try a greyhound. I know an old lady who has one who says they are "old people" dogs. We adopted one with a 6 year old and 8 year old child in situ (as in ours, not visiting infrequently).

They could also be paired with an older hound who would need less exercise as your FIL's needs got more pronounced. I'm sorry for him and your MIL, it is a horrible disease.

Good luck.

Sparkletastic Tue 19-Nov-19 15:55:31

They should absolutely get another dog. Some rescue organisations go way over the top about their adoption rules. Like a PP I also got a rescue through a group that brings them in from abroad. My dog is brilliant with children. Sounds like another dog would massively enhance your PILs life.

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