Opinions please- teenage party and the puppy

(29 Posts)
Dollyparton3 Sat 02-Nov-19 23:47:04

Hello everyone,

I'm looking for opinions on the following please.

Teenage daughter insists on a house party for her 19th birthday this year (and her 16th, 17th and 18th so far. It's normally relatively calm, about 7 teens and a few adults(our friends who were invited without our knowledge taking numbers to say 20, nice for them to be invited but really not something we'd ever organise ourselves)

We live in a relatively large house, spread over 3 floors but our house is right on the main road and no gate between us and the main road, we're currently recall training our 6 month old puppy with mixed success. Sometimes he's amazing but our house fronts into a popular dog walking green so if his attention is taken by another dog he would bolt across a busy road to get to them.

So far so good as we always have doors we can shut before the front door is opened but in a party scenario I would brick it all night keeping the dog safe and genuinely don't think he's under control yet to stop on my command.

Taking him to another room in the house isn't an option as he's a sociable dog and would howl with fomo all night if he thought he was missing the opportunity to say hello to people. The noise level on a teenage party with music would definitely prevent any safe crating upstairs option for a couple of hours.

I've said the puppy must be my priority on that night and if the party has to happen I'll need to take the dog out for the night or ask our lovely daycare lady to take him overnight. Teenager wants the "Instagram" opportunity of photos with friends and her puppy. There's an element of show here but I've said it's not a safe environment for the dog if people are in and out of the house all night.

We're now slightly at logger heads as she now suggests I'm being overprotective of the puppy. I think asking to have a 19th birthday house party with the dog she's "always wanted and would do anything for" is at odds with keeping the puppy safe.

Genuine opinions are welcome, cancelling the party is not an option but my absence has only just become an issue. Husband will be there to keep things under control on the night if I'm out of the house. In my shoes would you take the puppy away from the party?

OP’s posts: |
stucknoue Sat 02-Nov-19 23:54:09

Why can't the door be kept shut? We have a dog and teens, front door kept closed

SlidingIntoForties Sat 02-Nov-19 23:57:06

In your shoes I'd take him to another room and he'd have to suck it up. It's good for them to not always get what they want (dogs). Think of it as a chance to show him how howling doesn't work.

Failing that a harness and house lead attached to you. If he then bolts there is a greater chance to catching him again before he gets into trouble.

Queenest Sun 03-Nov-19 00:01:11

I’d let them have a few photos with the puppy first, then take the puppy off to doggy daycare. Win win.

bodgeitandscarper Sun 03-Nov-19 00:06:00

Your daughter has invited 20 people without your knowledge? I would cancel on that basis alone.
If she does have her party, then if you are going to be stressing over the dog then an overnight stay with the daycare person sounds a good idea. Parties with teenagers and animals doesn't sound like the most ideal situation.

MaitlandGirl Sun 03-Nov-19 00:08:11

You really have to ask?? Either the dog goes somewhere else for the night or there’s no party.

Why are you letting your child dictate what happens in your house?

MaitlandGirl Sun 03-Nov-19 00:09:22

Just reread your post - she’s invited other people without your knowledge?? Cancel the party and tell her she can have a party for her 21st if she’s learnt some respect by then.

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Dollyparton3 Sun 03-Nov-19 00:39:16

Thanks everyone for the speedy replies. It's y step daughter if that helps explain the dynamic and politics here. I don't get 100% of the say in what goes on. We knew about a sleepover, then it was a party. My ability to argue is diluted unfortunately.

OP’s posts: |
Comefromaway Sun 03-Nov-19 00:41:45

He’s a dog not a toy doll.

Puppy goes elsewhere or no party.

HeidiPeidi Sun 03-Nov-19 00:42:55

Yeah the party wouldn’t be happening here either. I’d not be happy with my child ‘insisting’ on a party that would leave me in a situation where I have to decide whether to leave my own house for a night, pay for overnight dog care, or risk a situation which would disrupt or even potentially cause harm to the pup. I certainly wouldn’t be putting her instagram pics above the dog’s welfare... she’s 19, surely she understands that?

If the party has to go ahead, I would actually probably do a combination of crating (tired out pup, frozen liver pâté Kong, and relaxing music for dogs) and an umbilical type situation. I do think that at 6months he’s old enough to learn that sometimes he has to be put away for a while and that he can’t always say hello. It could be a valuable teaching lesson that will come in handy later, but of course that means you having to spend your evening working on that.

HeidiPeidi Sun 03-Nov-19 00:45:07

Just read your update, not sure it makes much difference really. If it does and your input means so little, then it should be your OH figuring out how to work around the dog, not you.

WomensRightsAreContraversial Sun 03-Nov-19 00:53:11

Dog welfare trumps Instagram accessory. Stand firm on this one.

May I also strongly recommend getting a fence and gate between your property and the road regardless of the party. It only takes once.

SomeoneBeatMeToMyUsername Sun 03-Nov-19 02:02:15

What @HeidiPeidi and @WomensRightsAreContraversial said. If you can get a fence up, do it. Pup is definitely old enough for you to use this as a training opportunity, You could do it in stages if you’re not happy to separate him for the entire party, eg. an hour of crate time = 30 mins to an hour of umbilical time. It will mean work for you, but this likely won’t be the only time you need him out of the way when people come round, learning that he can’t always ‘say hello’ and join in is actually a very important lesson - for inside and outside of the house. Do it properly, as suggested above and he will be fine.

MaitlandGirl Sun 03-Nov-19 04:14:05

Just asked my wife what she’d do in your situation (my kids aren’t hers) and she said she’d leave with the dog and almost certainly not come back. She wouldn’t live in a house where her opinion mattered so little and where she was so disrespected.

Your stepdaughter needs to learn that dogs aren’t toys and there’s more to life than instagram.

shrutefarm Sun 03-Nov-19 06:59:48

Just asked my wife what she’d do in your situation (my kids aren’t hers) and she said she’d leave with the dog and almost certainly not come back. She wouldn’t live in a house where her opinion mattered so little and where she was so disrespected.

This. Sounds like your SD gets more of a say in your home than you do.

Buyitinbamboo Sun 03-Nov-19 07:14:36

I'd take the puppy away for the night. God she sounds like a brat. I've always had an older head on young shoulder but surely 19 year olds don't actually behave like that!

MustardScreams Sun 03-Nov-19 07:19:54

I wouldn’t be happy about this at all! But if you’re planning on going ahead then I’d get a baby-gate fitted so pup can’t get to the front door, or pup goes on a long-line whilst downstairs.

It’s really not hard to ensure that the doors are closed though, surely 19 year olds are capable of that?! They’re not toddlers.

TheSecretJeven Sun 03-Nov-19 07:26:26

Does the dog have to be instagrammed? He's a living animal, not a photography prop. I don't have a dog but I wouldn't let my cats be pulled around by teenagers.

Dollyparton3 Sun 03-Nov-19 10:31:40

@buyitbamboo they really do unfortunately. It's the bane of our life all the time. Conversation today is on how she will be an "influencer" one day. No desire to have a proper job yet

We've got a stairgate but it's the different people turning up at different times and the constant opening and closing of the front door that will do my head in.

OP’s posts: |
mrsjoyfulprizeforraffiawork Sun 03-Nov-19 12:47:53

In my opinion, definitely take puppy to lovely daycare doglady well before the party. You cannot trust the partygoers (and your SD) not to take him out from behind a stairgate without your permission and expose him to the possibility of getting out of an left open front door (they won't be concentrating enough on his safety).. Also, it would all be far too much stimulation for a puppy. Like all dogs, they need their rest.

SomeoneBeatMeToMyUsername Sun 03-Nov-19 13:43:38

@mrsjoyful I agree actually. I did say above that this could be a good training opportunity, but thinking about it, I also wouldn’t trust this girl and her friends to leave the puppy alone and not to sneak him out for photos.

Dollyparton3 Sun 03-Nov-19 21:56:19

Thanks everyone. I think I'm going to take him to our lovely daycare lady much to the protest of SD. I mentioned earlier that I'd like her to pay for the fees and got plenty of protest back. Apparently she doesn't have the funds to pay for daycare but insists on the party and demands the dog is here.

I explained very calmly that sometimes adult choices are a bit tough AND expensive but the welfare of the pup is more important to me at the moment.

OP’s posts: |
Fakeflowersaremynewnormal Sun 03-Nov-19 22:01:47

Will you be at the party? You could put him on a lead and tie it to your belt some people do this with their puppies all the time if they are difficult in the house.

Dollyparton3 Sun 03-Nov-19 22:38:36

@flakedlowersaremynewnormal I will be but not until late. I have a hefty commute so it will be a late arrival for me. Avoiding the need to think puppy logistics at that time of night will be my preferred option.

Although an air bnb at the moment with the dog is very tempting!

OP’s posts: |
RedHelenB Mon 04-Nov-19 08:01:39

Going against the grain but I think you're being a bit precious.

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