Made a deposit on a puppy and regret it!

(81 Posts)
Sweetmommy Thu 05-Sep-19 07:59:34

Hi everyone!

So here I am in the middle of the night, unable to sleep because I have a severe case of anxiety about my decision to buy a puppy.

It all started only about a month ago, when I saw that cute Instagram dog. I never saw a cute dog like this so I made a ton of research about this mix-breed (a Cockapoo). I looked at all the dogs available. In my area they are rare (I wanted to buy from a reputable breeder). Most of them had a waiting list, which I didn't want to give a deposit without knowing what the pups would look like. So I found a dog, then suddenly I totally changed my mind. My husband didn't want it anymore neither. We could only see the downsides of having another dog, so we decided to postponed it for next spring and winter is coming and its not very fun with a young puppy.

Then I could't stop thinking about the dog again. How much joy it would bring in our home. I am married and I have a 4.5 years old son. My son is hyperactive and very demanding. But I only work couple hours a week from home and my son is going to daycare part time. So I thought it would be perfect timing to get the dog now. It would make a companion to my only child, make me company too. I had a dog before and I loved to go to doggy park with her (now I am realizing that doggy park with a young child is hazardous so I won't really be able to being him).

I finally found the perfect breeder and we went visit last Sunday. Kind of felt in love with a little puppy. But she seemed very active. The breeder told me she was the most active of the litter. That she was the first to wake up and last to sleep. Would chew on everything, etc. But she was so cute!

Its now Thursday and since last night I started anxiety and second guessing my decision. I am almost hyperventilating. What if the dog is too hyper? What if she eats all my nice expensive stuff? Is it gonna be too hard for me? What if she destroys the house? What if she bites my son badly? I live in a second floor condo with no backyards, but I have a huge park in front. How will I potty train her with this setting? Will this be a nightmare?

Then I started panicking about the dangerous side of owning a dog with young children. What if she bites him or something bad happen? I started reading article stating you should not have dogs with young kids and kids that got disfigured. I am really anxious to start with so will all this make it worst? What if I develop a phobia that the dog attack my child?

I am crying right now I made a bad decision. I gave a 250$ deposit on the dog. I don't know if its refundable... I am supposed to pick up the pup Sunday night.

I had forgot, after giving our Westie away to a family member(she was attacking my 6 months old son) that me and DH made a promise to never buy a dog again. The incessant poop, barking, dirtying the house, we felt relieved being dog free.

I know this is long post and sorry, but I really had to put my thoughts on writing since I am so confused. I really was walking on a clouds the last few weeks and was really sure about my decision and made a TON of research, but it really only became real to me yesterday it seems!

What would you do if you were me? Should I call the breeder and explain her my situation? Ask for remboursement? I feel so bad...

P.S. I don't think it would bother my son if I cancel the dog. He doesn't really care about it. And there is still a part of me that would regret not taking the dog. But my anxiety about the biting and the hard work it takes, I am ready?

OP’s posts: |
AJPTaylor Thu 05-Sep-19 08:02:18

Say goodbye to the deposit. Lucky escape for the dog.

ShirleyPhallus Thu 05-Sep-19 08:02:19

Don’t get the dog. All the warning signs are there.

Call the breeder and ask for the money back, if she says no (which is likely) then put it down to an expensive mistake but one which will ultimately save you money in time

ShirleyPhallus Thu 05-Sep-19 08:02:59

I had forgot, after giving our Westie away to a family member(she was attacking my 6 months old son) that me and DH made a promise to never buy a dog again

How on earth can you have “forgotten” this?

yesterdayisgone Thu 05-Sep-19 08:04:12

You got rid of your last dog
You live in a second floor apartment
Don't get another dog

OrchidInTheSun Thu 05-Sep-19 08:04:52

Don't get the dog. Anyone who forgets that they gave away one dog shouldn't get another one

Wildorchidz Thu 05-Sep-19 08:05:22



Mrsducky88 Thu 05-Sep-19 08:05:57

Do not get this dog (or any other dog). Yes it’s and expensive mistake but to get the dog will be an even more expensive mistake.

oohyoudevilyou Thu 05-Sep-19 08:07:18

With a hyperactive pre-schooler and a job it was never going to be easy having a lively puppy. Well done for reaching a decision before you bring the pup home. Yes, call the breeder and cancel - hopefully you'll get a refund of some of the money, but I think it's fair that she keeps at least some of it to cover readvertising costs and inconvenience.

Don't beat yourself up about it - in your position I'd do the same. There's plenty of time to get a pet when your son is older and calmer. By making your decision now, this hasn't affected your son or the dog in any way - you'll get over your guilt, and breeder will possibly keep some or all of the deposit to cover her inconvenience.

Joans3rddaughter Thu 05-Sep-19 08:09:25

Explain that you cannot offer the dog a suitable home. Ask for you deposit back and if you receive it, donate it to a dog charity. That may help you not to "forget" in the future.

OnlyTheTitOfTheIceberg Thu 05-Sep-19 08:09:39

While nerves are understandable and show that you’re thinking deeply about it, I honest think your fears here go beyond the usual “what have I done??” last minute wobble. I’d be giving serious consideration to pulling out, even if that means writing off your deposit (you’ll spend a LOT more than $250 once puppy was home so in that sense it’s still a saving).

It doesn’t sound like the timing is quite right or that this is necessarily the right puppy for you. A hyperactive child and a hyperactive puppy are incredibly hard work, like having a 4.5 year old and a “just learned to walk” toddler really. It also doesn’t sound as though your husband is 100% on board either and consistency is so important for training a puppy well means you might be storing up trouble for yourself there.

A well trained dog supervised in its interactions with a child (and vice versa) shouldn’t have cause to bite, but as you’ve already had that happen and have given away one dog, that suggests your routine or the dog’s training had/has gaps which allows that risk to become reality.

If I were in your shoes I think I’d be waiting until my son were a year or two older, and in the meantime I’d let the breeder know you’ve thought it over long and hard and decided the time is not right for you and you want the puppy to go to a home better set up for its success.

bodgeitandscarper Thu 05-Sep-19 08:09:49

You would be mad to get the puppy, and I'd practically guarantee you'd be posting on here desperately wanting to rehome after a few months!
Don't do it!

EvenPhilip Thu 05-Sep-19 08:14:50

Be prepared to lose your deposit, but that's small fry compared to on going dog ownership costs.
Do not get this dog under any circumstances, or any other dog, ever.
You are making the right decision to pull out now, so don't beat yourself up.

Sweetmommy Thu 05-Sep-19 08:15:21

I mean I didn't forgot my dog. I did remember that we gave a dog away which wasn't fun. I meant I forgot I didn't want to do it again, like ever at that time! But I just had a baby... I loved her to death! The dog never liked children, she would growl at him, she was really uneasy when he was around her. Would snap at him. I knew when I would have my son, if she continues the bad behaviours, I would have to let her go. I tried for 6 months, but when my son started crawling, I just couldn't take this risk. I We saw professionals and they all told us if a dog don't like children, they will never change. The dog wasn't,t happy with kids around. She is now in a loving kids-free family!

OP’s posts: |
Piglet208 Thu 05-Sep-19 08:15:51

Please do not get the dog. Dogs deserve a home where the owners understand the need for training, dedication, patience and understanding. Your situation is not right for a puppy and your nerves are not last minute wobbles but are your instincts telling you that you will not cope. Giving a home to a dog requires much more than seeing how cute it is.

Tractorgirlz Thu 05-Sep-19 08:16:12

Please don’t get a dog. You live in a flat with no garden & you already gave a dog away. Please don’t put another dog through that trauma.

lazylinguist Thu 05-Sep-19 08:17:04

Do not get the dog. Deciding to get a dog because you saw a cute one on Instagram is totally ridiculous. As is 'forgetting' that you had a dog, got rid of it and were relieved to be rid of it because of basic, normal things about dog ownership like dog poo, dirt and barking. Plus your home doesn't sound great for a dog, and you are clearly a very anxious person.

GlacindaTheTroll Thu 05-Sep-19 08:17:30

You haven't 'finally found the right breeder'

You've found, after a mere 4 weeks, someone with a hard-to-place pup they they are ready to sell instantly; apparently with no form of home check and even though the poor thing has a totally unsuitable temperament for you. Recipe for disaster.

I think you really must take the financial hit on the chin (as PP pointed out, you would be spending way more if you go ahead). Contact the breeder today and cancel.

You also appear to have done this without telling DH. That's really Not On.

rookiemere Thu 05-Sep-19 08:17:28

Seriously count the $250 as therapy money and walk away right now. I don't know if you are in UK but there is a site called borrowmydoggy where you can look after other folks dogs when they are on holiday or for walks, that would be a great fit for you as you have some availability during the week.

Soubriquet Thu 05-Sep-19 08:20:04

But she was so cute!

That is not a reason to get a very active little dog

People forget that cockerpoos are a cross breed between to very active little dogs. They are always on the go.

You got rid of one dog because you had a baby. What happens if you have another and can’t cope with 2 kids and a dog?

Don’t get a dog

Jouska Thu 05-Sep-19 08:21:17

Your gut feelings are spot on do not get this puppy. This is not the right puppy or the right time.

The opportunity may arise in the future but this is not the one.

I can promise you there will be other cute puppies

Nixen Thu 05-Sep-19 08:21:24

You don’t sound responsible enough to look after a jelly never mind a puppy. Lose the money and consider it a lesson learnt

Sweetmommy Thu 05-Sep-19 08:27:32


Thank you for your kind answer. I think I shouldn't make any big decision anyway right now in my life like having a pet. I have had anxiety for a while now since my son started his stuttering. I feel really sad about it so I thought a dog would be therapeutic right now in my life. My husband said go, you only live once! Yes but, living once means 15 years old with a dog you didn't really want...

I don't know about the refund.. I could ask just for a part of it. I feel bad for her since she passed some hours with me. However, I know she didn't loose money because she only advertise the dog on Facebook group 3 days ago about this litter! May be to be fair we could do half/half. But at this point money shouldn't be a factor in my decision!

Oh gosh! I really have the puppy blues! I think the biting part got me extremely worried tonight. I confess it did not crossed my mind before... Last morning I was the happiest ever, and now look at me...

Also, tonight I had a fight my my MIL. She wasn't happy that we get the dog and she made me question myself a lot!

OP’s posts: |
cantfindname Thu 05-Sep-19 08:28:20

Please, please don't get this, or any other, dog. unfair on them sad

MrMeSeeks Thu 05-Sep-19 08:28:52

Do not get get the puppy.
Use the fact you've lost the money as a way to remember you are not suitable pet owners.
You gave one dog and away as you couldn't look after it, snd you've decided on a whim to get another as its cute, you live in a flat with a hyperactive child.
None of these things are good for a pet, especially a dog!
If you get this puppy in 6 months you will be giving it away again, break the cycle!

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