Old dog, new puppy and upset children!

(26 Posts)
dannyboyle Fri 09-Aug-19 22:38:44

Advice please.
We are due to get a new puppy shortly which has been arranged for a while.
We also have an old dog who was diagnosed this week with a limiting illness and had to have an emergency op. He is not expected to live for much longer. Dog is now home and Kids are aware of his op and that he is struggling, is old and may not live for that much longer. They are understandably upset and older one was even said that she would kill her self to save him.
They are now not wanting anything to do with the new pup as they are saying that they don’t want to love him as he will die as well. Their sleep is affected.
Not great timing and getting a pup was meant to be part of a longer term transition plan, but all now come at once!!
Any advice please? Kids are 7 and 9.

OP’s posts: |
MissShapesMissStakes Fri 09-Aug-19 22:53:16

How sad for you all.

I think I would try as much as possible to treat the two events as completely unrelated.

So talk about death and about celebrating/valuing the time you have had through your current dogs lovely life. About how your dog has had a wonderful life, feeling loved etc. And the joy your dog has given to you lives.

And maybe leave chatting about the puppy that’s coming unless your kids bring it up?

Floralnomad Fri 09-Aug-19 22:59:09

I wouldn’t be getting a new pup with a sick elderly dog in the house irrespective of the children as it’s just not very fair on the old dog , I’m sure any half decent breeder would understand that you need to pull out of the purchase .

dannyboyle Fri 09-Aug-19 22:59:11

Thank you.
On the pup side imminent actually means start of next week so can’t really delay the conversation, and strangely kids really enthusiastic about setting the crate up!
Yes think you are right about keeping the sepreate and perhaps focusing for now on the pup.
9 year old and certainly linked the two together however. God this is hard, and not helped I think by me getting upset about it as well.

OP’s posts: |
arosebyany Fri 09-Aug-19 23:20:00

Wow. You have an elderly dying dog and you're about to bring home a new puppy. I can't think of anything less appropriate to teach your DC. I suggest you put off getting a new puppy until your older dog has passed.

StrongTea Fri 09-Aug-19 23:28:28

If you have a sensible set up it will be fine. Older dog will want her own space, pups sleep a lot. If you have space a puppy playpen is a great option. Probably make things easier for the children when your older dog passes away. We had got another pup, few days later 2 of our older dogs took ill, nothing you could predict happening. Safety gates across doorways are helpful.

TwoPupsandaHamster Fri 09-Aug-19 23:28:59

How come you thought it a great idea to get a brand new puppy when your best friend was at the last stage of his life?

So sorry big fella, you deserved a great deal better from those who proposed to have loved you 🙁

Never was there more meaning than, "Out with the old, in with the new". So sad 😥

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RandomMess Fri 09-Aug-19 23:33:29

Speak to the pup owner about delaying bringing him home for a weeks? Sounds like Ddog doesn't have long at all left.

thanks

Nearlyalmost50 Fri 09-Aug-19 23:33:48

I understood the Op to mean that they were planning a longer time for them both to be together, but now the new diagnosis of the older dog has come along and made this a more difficult situation.

It doesn't sound like she planned this and some of these replies are deeply unpleasant, as the OP will be very very upset by the old dog's news.

I think it depends what you can cope with right now whether it's a good idea to go ahead with the puppy. It's not realistic for the older dog to socialize the new one when in pain and life limited. They would have to be kept pretty separate.

Nearlyalmost50 Fri 09-Aug-19 23:34:27

I also wondered if the arrival could be delayed if you spoke with the puppy owner.

Bookworm4 Fri 09-Aug-19 23:38:19

I think a pup is wrong just now, devote your time to your elderly dog. A lively pup will be too much for your other dog who needs peace and love.

MissShapesMissStakes Fri 09-Aug-19 23:40:24

I was also under the impression that the plan was for pup and dog to have plenty of time together first. And that sadly now dog doesn’t have as long as they anticipated.

This is more about making the nest of a very difficult situation for all.

Our breeder actually kept our pup for 10 days longer than planned due to a pre booked holiday. Is that something worth exploring OP?

TrashPanda Fri 09-Aug-19 23:42:29

Holy shit the replies on here, you can see why the doghouse has had a bad rep!

OP clearly says that this diagnosis was unexpected and that new pup has been planned for a while. Obviously horrendous timing but not everything works exactly as planned and sometimes you need to make the best of a bad situation.

I'm really sorry I don't have much advice about the best way to deal with it but be kind to yourself. The breeder might have tips or be able to keep pup back for a short while longer.

GrumpyMiddleAgedWoman Sat 10-Aug-19 02:23:39

The people make unkind comments either didn't read the OP throughly or are downright unkind.

OP, I'm another one who'd ask the breeder if they'd keep the puppy for a few more weeks. Our first dog's breeder kept her for an extra month when I asked.

BiteyShark Sat 10-Aug-19 06:04:37

Can you delay or completely cancel the puppy? Personally I would try and cancel as it's going to be stressful enough without introducing a bouncing demanding puppy into the mix which is obviously going to cause mix feelings with your DC.

If you won't cancel then I think you just have to let your DCs feel like they do and if they don't want to interact with the puppy then don't force it as that's unfair on them and the puppy.

Talk to them and ask them to think about how to make a safe and quiet space for your dog to rest in his final days. It's important for your dog to have that and be kept completely separate from the puppy to minimise the stress so getting the DCs to help with that will give them something to focus on as they come to terms with their grief.

Floralnomad Sat 10-Aug-19 10:32:34

I don’t see anyone being unkind they are just saying that now is not an appropriate time to get a puppy - if the puppy had been in the household already before the news of the older dogs illness then that’s a different matter but this puppy is not and could easily be resold to someone else .

Pasithea Sat 10-Aug-19 10:36:08

Surely your older dogs needs come way before getting the puppy.

GrimDamnFanjo Sat 10-Aug-19 10:39:40

I don't think the OP had planned for her old dog to become unwell so quickly!

Hoppinggreen Sat 10-Aug-19 12:05:47

Different situation but I would probably put off the puppy or cancel

Hoppinggreen Sat 10-Aug-19 12:06:03

Sorry I mean difficult

TrashPanda Sat 10-Aug-19 13:12:09

So this isn't unkind Floralnomad? I would say it's an incredibly unkind thing to say to someone in a very difficult and upsetting situation.

So sorry big fella, you deserved a great deal better from those who proposed to have loved you 🙁
Never was there more meaning than, "Out with the old, in with the new". So sad 😥

FurrySlipperBoots Sat 10-Aug-19 13:18:12

Honestly I would 'cancel' the puppy, out of respect for your older dog if nothing else. I think he deserves peace over his last few weeks, and all the love and focus to be on him.

adaline Sat 10-Aug-19 13:19:44

What a horrible situation for all of you flowers

Can you speak to the breeder and put off getting the new puppy until your older dog has passed? I really don't think it's fair to bring a new puppy into your old dogs' life when he's so unwell.

When you say he's not expected to live much longer, do you mean days or weeks? What's his quality of life like at the moment?

Floralnomad Sat 10-Aug-19 14:37:21

trashpanda not particularly nasty no , as my first thought if i were in the OPs position would be to ring the breeder and cancel , not be wondering about how to make it work .

BeerandBiscuits Sat 10-Aug-19 15:47:13

If my dog was ill/dying there's no way I could cope with a new puppy. Upset children would make the situation even worse.
Agree with others who've said ask breeder to keep the pup for a while.

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