First morning wihtout her

(22 Posts)
coefficientquery Wed 31-Jul-19 05:04:50

I know no one will be up, but needed to put this down.

My beautiful cocker spaniel was pts yesterday at almost 17 years old, and I can't sleep. I've come downstairs and it's so empty, despite my two cats being around. Feels worse this morning than it did yesterday.

She had dementia and had deteriorated for the past 2 years, physically she was living ok, apart from having accidents daily in the house for the past 12 months. Mentally, she declined culminating in an afternoon of crying and barking and pacing in distress, which finally made our decision.

Our vet knew her well and was really supportive and gave us the guidance, and reassurance we needed, I felt so guilty taking her. She didn't seem to know what was going on and it was really peaceful. I have been dreading this day for years, I know it was the right thing to do for her.

Don't even know why I am posting this.... I miss her so much.

OP’s posts: |
walkinwar Wed 31-Jul-19 05:10:15

So sorry for your loss. Our pets become family and give such unconditional love. I had a beautiful cocker spaniel as a child, so clever and such a lovely temperament. It sounds like you've done the very best for her and she's had a very long and happy life.

StarlightToCasualMoths Wed 31-Jul-19 05:15:47

Im so sorry.

I’m a week further down the line having had our lovely boy PTS last week.
The reason I’m awake is because I’ve been crying missing him.
We have two cats and another beloved dog but the hole in our lives just feels so raw and huge at the moment.

bigpawsnopaws Wed 31-Jul-19 05:18:37

flowers it must be so hard,

SavageBeauty73 Wed 31-Jul-19 05:20:43

Sending you love ❤️

coefficientquery Wed 31-Jul-19 05:25:43

I'm sorry you are in the same position @StarlightToCasualMoths. That is exactly how I feel.

I keep having to go over the words of the vet, that it was the right thing to do.... she even said most owners would have pts as soon as the accidents started, and we'd done way more than most would. Probably what she says to everyone, but it helped me at the time.

I wish I could fast forward a few weeks to get over these early days. I had my beloved cat pts 18 months ago aged 17, and remember feeling similar, but with dogs, it is their physical presence that is missed too, I keep thinking I see her out the corner of my eye.

OP’s posts: |
itstrue Wed 31-Jul-19 05:33:27

Such a terrible time.

I couldn't cope when my old girl went and we ended up buying a puppy very quickly afterwards as I just needed something to fill the void she left.

Not everyone's cup of tea getting a new dog so quickly. Didn't change how much I grieved but it did give me a new focus moving on.

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BiteyShark Wed 31-Jul-19 06:16:59

So sorry sadthanks

pinkhousesarebest Wed 31-Jul-19 06:25:32

I remember feeling like that - just wanting to fast forward time so I could get to an easier place. I am so sorry. It is so painful. We lasted a week and adopted a rescue thinking it would ease the pain. It didn't, as it was a different animal and it just made me want my old boy more.
There are no short cuts. Thinking of you..

Teacakeandalatte Wed 31-Jul-19 06:30:07

Sorry to read about your poor girl I definitely think you did the right thing for her. You must be missing her so much. flowers

Justgotobed Wed 31-Jul-19 08:53:11

Sending flowers op, the loss of a beloved pet is devastating, I'm also a week down the line from having my old boy pts. I understand your heartache you obviously loved her very much.

spiderlight Wed 31-Jul-19 15:37:15

So, so sorry. It's just utterly blooming awful. We had to make the decision for our old lad in January after 15 years and it absolutely destroyed us, but we got through it by telling ourselves that we were suffering so he didn't have to. The house felt so quiet and empty though - it's horrible. Thinking of you flowers I'd love to hear more about her if you think it would help. We have a rescued cocker now and they're such characters.

coefficientquery Thu 01-Aug-19 05:30:25

Thank you all, yesterday was very up and down. I was one minute being able to logically know it was the best thing to do, then hear a noise from where she used to eat, and think I heard her again.

She was a golden cocker, we got her at around 10 months old. She looked like a mini red setter, beautiful silky red hair, and big brown eyes, over the years her hair faded to golden blonde and dried out after she was spayed. She was typical spaniel, like a Tasmanian devil, and full of energy. She got travel sick, and didn't like swimming, so not your normal dog.

After having her for so long, I can't even identify individual things about her life, she has just always been there, around my feet, particular in the kitchen, she was food obsessed! She always tried to do a pre wash of our dirty dishwasher load, often jumping up with all four paws on the open door!

She was diagnosed with addisons disease around 9 years ago and almost died when she went in to crisis. Thankfully she was treated and spent the rest of her life on replacement hormones and steroids... it just meant monthly visits to the vet for us, but her life wasn't affected too much as long as we kept her away from overly stressful situations. She did shake violently at each vet visit, gaining a lot of sympathy from other owners for looking so terrified, when she really was ok smile.

Wow I've written a lot! Thank you, it is good to get it down here...x

OP’s posts: |
tryingtobebetterallthetime Thu 01-Aug-19 05:49:58

So sorry about your beloved pet. I had a dog who got dementia and gradually declined to the point where she could only sleep 1/2 hour a a time and then would wake me barking and whine. I took her out many many times each night. She seemed scared. In the day she was more or less ok, which is what made it hard.

I had her pets finally but it felt awful. You have done the best thing for your girl. Take care.

P.S. for anyone with a dog showing signs of dementia, the vet gave my girl a medication called selegilene and it worked for about a year before she deteriorated again. I am not sure I spelled it correctly.

tryingtobebetterallthetime Thu 01-Aug-19 05:50:44

PTS not pets. Auto correct is my nemesis.

whitebowls Thu 01-Aug-19 05:56:32

17 years together. How wonderful to be loved and love your dog for all that time. What a beautiful gift.
Of course you'll miss her dreadfully and only time will heal your grief. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Take care of yourself, don't minimize your feelings and remember the happy times.

Yogagirl123 Thu 01-Aug-19 05:57:47

So sorry OP, it’s so hard I know.

Take it easy over the next few days/weeks as your emotions will come in waves. I know DH & I were in a mess when we had our dog PTS at 13.

You know you have done the right thing by them, but you miss them so much.

bellinisurge Thu 01-Aug-19 06:49:54

Thank you for telling us about your lovely dog and what a joy she was in your life. I'm sorry about how painful this is - been through it myself - and I wish there was an easier way through it.

StarlightToCasualMoths Thu 01-Aug-19 08:32:50

She sounds as if she brought so much joy to your life. What a lovely description.

StillMedusa Thu 01-Aug-19 23:42:42

I'm so sorry. Your love for her shines through.

I lost the love of my life (not a dog but a catdog Maine Coon) 5 years ago and I still miss him every day The raw pain passes but the love for him doesn't... if there is an afterlife our beloved animals WILL be there...

Be kind to yourself. It's ok to be a mess.

Alislia17 Fri 02-Aug-19 04:07:48

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

spiderlight Fri 02-Aug-19 11:37:57

She sounds like a wonderful character. Your love for her shines through and you've obviously given her a lovely, happy life.

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