Talk

Advanced search

I am feeling guilty re Ddog

(26 Posts)
PookieDo Tue 30-Jul-19 00:00:57

My Ddog is very very good natured (luckily) but he is small and children tend to treat him like a toy/teddy bear.

Recently I had visitors with older DC, who have pets of their own (who I have seen them around all was well and normal). I assumed that Ddog would not be too stressed as the DC are experienced around dogs. I seem to have been very wrong because I think the attraction of a small cute dog was too much for them and they spent the whole time trying to pick Ddog up, chase him, drag him around and trap him for cuddles. It started off as playing but when the dog would not do what DC wanted, they just tried to force the dog into it. Some people do not seem to notice when an animal doesn’t like something (trying to run away from you) which I can’t understand at all. I then spent the whole time rescuing Ddog from the DC or giving instructions on how to play with the dog without touching, then saying NO and looking to their parents to intervene - who didn’t at all and smiled on happily. After I had to intervene when I thought Ddog was going to get seriously injured I removed Ddog and put him somewhere safe and the DC whinged and whined about it trying to get me to change my mind. I tried to broach this with parents but they felt that it was all play and affection and couldn’t see the issue as Ddog seemed to be enjoying it!

Thankfully they then left and I will never ever invite them over ever again on this basis but I feel really guilty for Ddog who trusts me and I brought people into his house who mistreated him and took advantage of his size and nature. I know they are ‘only children’ but I don’t know how they haven’t been taught better. I also don’t want Ddog to become fearful of people coming to the house. I just feel really awful! I wish I had been much firmer at the time and less chances for the DC but it was so awkward

OP’s posts: |
Thequaffle Tue 30-Jul-19 00:03:38

Can’t possibly comments unless I see this cutie. Any pics please? grin

PookieDo Tue 30-Jul-19 00:12:41

He is so cute in my own opinion!

OP’s posts: |
buttertoasty Tue 30-Jul-19 00:14:21

You sound like a fab owner so well done!

You are right about people not getting it when animals are fed up. I think sometimes people think they are purely there for our amusement and forget they are living, feeling beings. Hope Ddog is getting some well deserved rest

buttertoasty Tue 30-Jul-19 00:14:48

He is lovely thanksthanksthanksthanks

Bookworm4 Tue 30-Jul-19 00:16:05

No invite for those horrors again, obviously not been taught to respect a dog, this kind of behaviour is what leads to a bite. Dogs shouldn’t be expected to tolerate constant annoyance.
It’s your job to protect your boy, think he might need some fresh salmon for breakfast.

SPARKLYSTARSHINESBRIGHT Tue 30-Jul-19 00:20:56

I can sympathise, I also had this situation with our small dog, she is 6 but looks like a puppy. I had to dig the crate out and she looked so relieved to go in. Annoying that the parents don't intervene, they would if kids got bitten, and then it would be the dogs fault!

Singlenotsingle Tue 30-Jul-19 00:21:48

They were lucky they didn't get nipped. My ddog will nip people's ankles if they upset her!

Honeyroar Tue 30-Jul-19 00:21:59

Cute as can be!😍

I have this with my rabbits. They hate being picked up. I let friends kids go in with them in their pen. Let them feed them, etc, but they always winge to cuddle them and "no sorry darling they don't like being picked up" doesn't seem to be acknowledged by parents or the children, they clearly think I'm being fussy or mean.

PookieDo Tue 30-Jul-19 00:23:34

He is ok, it is just me feeling awful! He trusts me and I feel like I let him down and a bit irresponsible. Luckily he wasn’t injured at all but I feel that sometimes they are more fragile psychologically than people seem to realise and they just see them as cute cuddle play things. I also worry about biting because you can never be 100% sure of any dogs nature.

I am just so baffled by the disconnect between what is acceptable and unacceptable way to ‘play’ with an animal it should not involve rough grabbing and trapping however much you think you love the dog at the time. I know it can be an overwhelming feeling for DC perhaps.

OP’s posts: |
ErrolTheDragon Tue 30-Jul-19 00:34:23

* I will never ever invite them over ever again on this basis*

You maybe should explain to their parents just how out of order this was. When you say 'older DC', what sort of age?

Fortunately I've never come across kids who treat animals like that. Our DD always knew our dog wasn't a plaything, and she wasn't allowed to pick him up until she was big enough and old enough to be sure of doing it properly- he's a standard dachshund. She could enjoy cuddles, wouldn't have dreamed of trapping him or hauling him around.

Incredibly cute dog, OP, don't beat yourself up, it must have been horrible to be hosting a family who don't know a dog isn't a toy.

PookieDo Tue 30-Jul-19 00:42:37

I meant not toddlers, older as in early secondary school!

Unfortunately I don’t think saying anything will help as they seem to be under the impression their DC are incredibly insighfuk animal lovers. My own teen DC are so kind and gentle with animals and I think we all have completely different concept of what animal loving actually is

OP’s posts: |
Missingstreetlife Tue 30-Jul-19 00:44:46

Don't overthink it, no harm done. Just be more assertive next time

ErrolTheDragon Tue 30-Jul-19 01:00:45

That's definitely old enough to know better than to harass a little dog.

Bookworm4 Tue 30-Jul-19 05:32:06

I thought you meant toddlers!! I feel sorry for any pets these idiots have.

Booboostwo Tue 30-Jul-19 06:31:48

He is very cute!

It never ceases to surprise me how little people teach their DCs about dogs. I have a JRT and some visiting DCs have considered picking him up. There is no good reason to do this to a dog when you are playing with it and it can lead to problems.

Mummaofmytribe Tue 30-Jul-19 06:37:22

This sort of thing makes me mad. If the dog had nipped/bitten in self defence/extreme stress, the parents would be furious and blaming you.
You were absolutely right to safely remove your poor dog, and No, I wouldn't let them visit again either.

Moondust001 Tue 30-Jul-19 08:14:29

Frankly, what kind of guests come to your house and ignore your wishes about how they should behave in your home? Dog or not! I wouldn't have put the dog away. I'd have told them to leave.

buttertoasty Tue 30-Jul-19 11:54:53

I actually get a bit pissed off with parents who seems to assume my dogs are there for the amusement of their children. I have two pugs which frequently attract the attention of kids, and I once had a child start crying in the park when I explained that it was too hot for them to play.

At the vets when my younger one was freaking out and barking at everything, I had to placate a small child trying to stroke and play with her all the whole worrying she might actually bite as she was so distressed. Eventually I picked her up out of child's reach.

missbattenburg Tue 30-Jul-19 12:44:12

You have my empathy, OP. I recall walking one of our little JRTs - who happens to look very cute - and a girl (about 6 or 7 years old) asking if she could stroke him. We said yes if she was gentle, but before we knew it she'd wrapped her arms around his waist and lifted him off the ground like a rag doll. He's not especially loose limbed so struggled and for a moment or two looked like she would drop him.

Luckily, he is placid and accepting and just scuttled away once back on the ground (always on lead) but that was the last time we ever said yes to a child stroking him.

I've also lost count of the number of "cute" pictures of dogs and children which make me extremely nervous because the dog is clearly NOT happy and none of the adults around seem aware of it.

PookieDo Tue 30-Jul-19 12:47:23

The parents really do think that DC are great with animals, I think like I said we have very different ideas about this! I think overall it’s best I do a gradual fade out because there are other issues there too that stress me out. Thinking back there were signs they aren’t the best pet owners themselves

But it’s not just these parents other parents can be blind to this as well. We hear a lot about DC scared of dogs but what about the DC who terrify the animals!

I kind of get it, it is an overwhelming feeling when they are cute and you want them to love you back but this comes across in trying to force them. I have had pets before who have not loved me as much as I love them and I still try to pet them and be nice to them but not by force and DC have never been allowed to do that either.

OP’s posts: |
PookieDo Tue 30-Jul-19 12:55:25

@missbattenburg

Frankly this is what boggles my mind that so many adults are completely oblivious to a wide eyed physically struggling dog who is perhaps smaller than the child who is tightly grasping it, yanking it or teasing it. At one point the dog went into playful running around (running AWAY) and I said don’t try to catch him, he is playing - here is a toy just throw it. DC immediately saw this as a challenge to catch Ddog, picked him up roughly and dog promptly wriggled through his hands so that DC was just holding him by his armpits and I went over to catch dog and this is when I removed him completely as it had gone too far. Then there was a very uncomfortable 20 mins of silence except for DC whining about wanting the dog back. Then they left angry

Laying on top of dogs is one of my other hates along with picking up. If I pick up dog it is always alongside his body so that one side of him is against my chest longways and I can hold his other side, not by the bloody armpits

OP’s posts: |
missbattenburg Tue 30-Jul-19 14:12:39

I agree. Which is not to say I think dogs and children are always a bad mix. I was a child with dogs and their companionship was a great source of joy and comfort to me. I like to think I behaved myself around them and brought more to their lives than I took.

I just wish more people saw dogs as living individuals with personalities, likes, dislikes of their own. Not toys to be expected to behave exactly the same as each other and like everything we expect them to like.

PookieDo Tue 30-Jul-19 14:56:54

Totally, there is nothing more Ddog loves than bed hopping round the house in the mornings licking you all in the face to say hi, DC will give him a quick cuddle then let him go where he wants. They are older now but they have been around him since they were younger and know what is good and bad body language or particular noise animals may make for instance Ddog has 2 growls one is play with me I want to be silly the other one is ‘there is a threat of a unexpected noise I must warn it off!’

This is a parents issue as much as a child issue. I’m not saying it’s that common but if this is how children think it is ok to behave then it is inevitable that a lot of children get bitten unfortunately

OP’s posts: |
Bookworm4 Tue 30-Jul-19 15:16:54

The thing about this post that amazed me is this was high school aged kids not toddlers, how can they and their parents be this rude and stupid and incapable of being told 🤬

Join the discussion

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet

Already have a Mumsnet account? Log in