Not coping with three dogs

[lunaland]

I have three dogs, all from rescue centres.
My third who I adopted a year and a half a go is becoming a problem.

She will not be house trained and we have had to remove all rugs, mats and soft dog beds because she just wees in them. I have tried everything and she just won't stop. She is also very destructive.

Though she gets on with the other two, she constantly winds them up and I can't even have a quick fuss with them without her getting in the way.
I feel the other two have suffered since I brought her in because they can't have beds, toys ( she destroys them) or attention from me. And I'm generally very stressed around them all.

Though I love her I'm starting to become very resentful towards her and I spend most of my time at home upstairs, leaving them downstairs, just to be away from the situation. It's having a negative impact on my mental health.

I'm angry at myself for taking on a third dog as our house is not big enough and I should have known I couldn't cope with a third.
I could return her to the rescue centre and I know she would go to a good home- they do home checks and are quite thorough with the rehoming process.
I just feel so guilty. I do love her an awful lot but I'm not being a good dog mum at the moment.

Has anyone got any advice or have been in a similar situation?

[WouldHAVEcouldHAVEshouldHAVE]

I did the same as you. Had 2 dogs who got on well but one was older and one younger so I rehomed another younger dog thinking it would be a playmate for my younger one. Big mistake. They fought a lot and walking 3 dogs everyday was a nightmare. Came to a head when the new one tried to take a bone from the oldest one, she growled and he went for her.
Not every home is right for every dog.

You’ve given it enough time to work and it’s making you stressed and isn’t fair on your other dogs. If the original place will have the dog back I would do that and they could find it a more suitable home

[AwkwardPaws27]

You aren't happy. Your other two dogs aren't happy. If she is still urinating inside, being destructive and unable to self-settle, it sounds like she isn't happy either.
You've done your best, but maybe your home isn't the right fit / this dog isn't the right fit?

[adaline]

What have you done to toilet train her and to prevent her from being destructive?

[Scattyhattie]

Has she seen the vet about the urinating?

It maybe that she needs more 1-2-1 which can be difficult to give in a multi dog household, some things training can help with so getting a behaviorist in to assess & draw up plan of action but tbh if your struggling & hiding away that may require too much energy to be able to get results. It doesn't seem a happy situation so contact the rescue.

[Sooverthemill]

It feels like this isn't the right fit for you. Did the rescue offer any support eg behaviourist for the newest dog? If so take them up on it but don't feel bad if you return the dog to the rescue. With a good assessment from you of all/ any issues the dog may be rehomed to a more suitable home

[pigsDOfly]

Sounds like a very stressful situation all round.

Don't be angry with yourself, you've stuck it out and done your best but now it's time to contact the rescue and get the dog rehomed..

The dog doesn't sound happy either and might very well need to be the only dog in a home.

Some dogs just aren't happy in multiple dog homes.

[sillysmiles]

Contact the rescue. Let them know she isn't settling, isn't happy and isn't a good fit. Potentially she needs to be the only dog in the house.

[Fairylea]

3 dogs is a lot to cope with. My mum had 3 dogs and she really struggled and always said she should have stuck at 2.

If you need to regime in this situation I wouldn’t feel bad, the rescue will find a more suitable home for the dog. It sounds like none of you are happy.

[Fairylea]

*rehome!

[Maneandfeathers]

I also found the jump from 2 to 3 a nightmare and would never go back to that many again.

I would put your other two first sadly. Can you keep her until a new home is found?

[Nowthereistwo]

We adopted a 2nd greyhound to get a friend for our existing one (after 15+ years of owning & fostering 8 of them - thought we knew it all). We couldn't housetrain her, she chewed the walls, and existing dog just got jealous of her getting in his sofa. She was becoming a big issue in my relationship with DH as well.

We had to admit we weren't the right home for her. She went back to the trainer and has been happily rehomed somewhere else.

Sometimes you have to do what's right for you and your family.

[Sarahlou63]

You've given it 18 months, not 18 days. Be kind to your two other dogs, the newest dog and yourself and rehome her.

[lunaland]

So sorry for disappearing! I'm so upset by the situation I'm finding it difficult to confront.

Thank you so much for your replies.

I missed off my original post that I actually work at the rescue she came from.
This means that everyone at work will know and I'm worried about the judgment. I know it's no one else's business but still.

I think that I'm going to pluck up the courage to talk to one of the centre managers about it.
Sorry again for disappearing xxxx

[Saucery]

Won’t they see it more as a long term foster you were undertaking? I’m sure you have done everything you can and it would be a poor rescue who judged you.

[lunaland]

To be honest I think they the majority of people will be very understanding but there a few who I know will judge. I'll just have to deal with it, they will forget all about it in a few months.

She will be very very easy to rehome as she is young, friendly and is a good dog. This makes me feel better about it.

I still cry when I think about letting her go, but I've realised that I'm persevering and keeping her for selfish reasons. So I know it's better for everyone if she goes to a new home but it's the upset I will feel that is stopping me.

It's so hard.

[pigsDOfly]

It will probably feel upsetting for a short while, but in the long term your other dog's will be happier, the rescue dog will be happier and more importantly you'll be able to get your life back and be the sort of dog owner you want to be.

Forget about people judging you. If they do it'll be a nine day wonder and they'll soon forget about it.

[lunaland]

@pigsDOfly
Thank you.