The dog is ruining our relationship

(134 Posts)
Frog123 Thu 04-Jul-19 23:36:55

My partner and his two dogs moved in with me after he lost his home, I was told his 8 year old dog didn’t like cats, I have two.
Anyway, my cats hardly come in anymore because his dog snarls and chases them, it’s been 7 months and the dog still won’t accept them, he’s destroyed my garden, including chewing half of the fence down, my partner thinks picking up 2 dogs mess barely once a week is ok (I also have 3 children, one isn’t 2 years old yet) the dog wee’s Up my walls, ripped the bar off the baby gate, destroyed one of settee cushions the repair cost me 160 quid. Scratched my brand new door in the living room, gets in my wardrobe and sleeps on my clothes and bedding even though he mostly sleeps IN THE BED. Barks all the time and won’t be quiet when told. I had brand new carpet laid not yet a year ago, it was grey, it’s now brown and stinks. My partner works 14 hour days and it’s me left to cope. I’m at my wits end and I’ve now started to dislike the dog and I’ve grew distant from my partner because he comes home and all I can think Is your dogs been awful today.
I love my partner but I don’t know what to do anymore, I’m so unhappy and I’ve always been very house proud and saved hard for everything I have.
Anyone else gone through anything similar? What did you do?

OP’s posts: |
Witchonastick Thu 04-Jul-19 23:48:17

If he works a 14hr day, what was he doing with the dog before he moved in with you?

MilkTwoSugarsThanks Thu 04-Jul-19 23:50:52

Tbh I'd dump him. Life's too short to be that stressful.

Frog123 Thu 04-Jul-19 23:51:06

His son lived with him but moved out and shortly after he lost the flat

OP’s posts: |
PersonaNonGarter Thu 04-Jul-19 23:54:58

Oh FGS. OP, sorry but you have a two year old! What is this?!

Dog leaves or they both leave.

MaryPeary Fri 05-Jul-19 00:08:27

He's taking the piss. You should absolutely not be having to deal with all that. If he was worth keeping, he'd think about the impact this is having on you. You signed up for a boyfriend, not 2 dogs and poo-picking. Perhaps it's time to dial it back a bit and for him to get his own place? Have you explained to him how much of a problem this is for you?

Janus Fri 05-Jul-19 00:12:54

Get him to pay for a dog walker every day so they are out of the house and walked but not by you. He has to also dig poo pick up every day either before or after work. What a bloody nightmare though.


Frog123 Fri 05-Jul-19 00:21:00

@MaryPeary he knows I’ve been struggling, Because my toddler naps and the dog barks and wakes her then I’ve got a crying tired toddler all day, he also wakes her every morning without a doubt around 7am, ideally she likes to wake at 9:30.
I’m thinking it might be best he move out, I don’t really want him to but I can’t think what other options are left, he’s had the dog for 8 years and I know he won’t rehome it.
I spent 6 hours painting my hallway today most of the time I was holding my toddler so it took long. I let the dog in from the garden and my son told me the dog had just peed up the wall in two places, that really was the last straw for me. I let rip when he got home and was asked to stop swearing.

OP’s posts: |
Frog123 Fri 05-Jul-19 00:23:24

@Janus he’s said he’ll do that a couple times a week the dog walker and pay for a dog trainer. I can’t walk his dog, he goes for other dogs and I won’t put my little girl in that situation.
Thank you for your suggestions.

OP’s posts: |
Sobeyondthehills Fri 05-Jul-19 00:29:11

I have a reactive dog (which is what this one sounds like.) You literally have to change everything for them.

Depending on what they are reactive to, you have to be on the ball and depending on breed as well training doesn't stop.

Of course it could just be really badly trained. Either way its going to depend on how much effort your partner wants to put into training, but if you are there with it all the time and just don't want to, its not going to work and the dog is never going to get even close to better.

If the dog is reactive, you would have to find a very special dog walker, which can take months

Frog123 Fri 05-Jul-19 00:35:19

He would have to be walked alone and my partner won’t muzzle him won’t put him in a crate, I think finding a dog walker will be near on impossible he’s staffy crossed with pit bull. He told me the dog has separation anxiety which I can clearly see but he just lets him get away with stuff, if he’s not given attention on demand, he digs my baby’s toys out of the box squeezes himself into a corner then dogs up the carpet then stops and looks at you. I ignore this but my partner hugs him and puts him on his lap.
He also digs if he hears a game show on tv or if a door is swinging in the wind.

OP’s posts: |
Aquamarine1029 Fri 05-Jul-19 00:40:16

The dog goes immediately or they both do. I wouldn't let this go one more day.

tabulahrasa Fri 05-Jul-19 00:42:44

Your partner is a crappy owner tbh.

Neglecting his dogs needs isn’t exactly an attractive quality...

Sobeyondthehills Fri 05-Jul-19 00:46:21

staffy crossed with pit bull

Wouldn't be a tough find to get a good dog walker (depending on area) for that breed, walking alone would be tougher. But if he goes for other dogs, then the dog walker worth anything would need to work with you for a while, to make sure the dog is comfortable with them.

TBH if the dog goes for other dogs and isn't muzzled trained, that is when you hit the problem, because I am not sure any dog walker would take that on. There would be a lot of onus on the owner to make sure their dog and other dogs and people are protected

MrsSiriusBlack1 Fri 05-Jul-19 00:50:18

I wouldn’t trust a dog like that at all

LittleWalnutTree Fri 05-Jul-19 01:25:32

Get the bloody thing out of your house immediately.

Your partner that is.

RRJR Fri 05-Jul-19 01:27:29

Sounds like the poor dog has been massively let down and not given the proper training and attention it deserves sad your partner is to blame for that

Is there any way you can find the dogs a loving home? And then find a new boyfriend?

Birdie6 Fri 05-Jul-19 02:08:49

No wonder your partner lost his flat - the dog probably destroyed it. I couldn't live like this - with three little children . Get rid.

K1ssIt Fri 05-Jul-19 02:52:21

I wouldn't have let them move when he said his dog didn't like cats.

Can I ask why he lost his home? Obv don't answer if you don't want to but I was just wondering if its a reason that have been an indicator to how he handles his responsibilities. (Like not looking after the place, leaving two dog shit to fester, not paying rent?) Call me a cynic but did he lose his flat or leave because he needed someone to look after his dogs if his son had left and he's just told you he lost it to move in?

He sounds like an arsehole if I'm totally honest. Working fourteen hours is no excuse and it sounds like he leaves meeting his animals needs to anyone but himself. What will he do if you tell him to move out? Will he leave them at home 14 hours a day on their own long term?

Why has the repairs cost you money? He should be covering the cost of the damage his dog has done. Picking the shit on once a week is disgusting and lazy even if there were no children expected to play in it.

And one of them goes for other dogs yet he won't muzzle? People like him give these breeds a bad name. If he loved his dog he'd be ensuring its muzzled as it could only take one attack on another dog for it to end up being pts and it will be nobodies fault but his own. If he loved you he wouldn't be expecting you to love like this either.

Has he actually researched or called any dog walkers and trainers yet or is he just saying he will do it? Would take him five mins to ask for recommendations on Facebook. A dog walker will likely want it muzzling though.

Also, given they are so poorly trained and have such an irresponsible owner I would not want those dogs around my small children even supervised (not because I think they are viscious but because it sounds like they are not under control) and I absolutely wouldn't leave my children alone with this man, he can't look after his dogs and he sounds like the type who'd think nothing of leaving a baby alone with them while he went for a ten minute shit. Etc

Monty27 Fri 05-Jul-19 02:59:27

I hope you don't leave the dog alone with your children. The dog is marking it's territory.
Goodbye doggie. You aren't in the right place to foster a dog.
I'm also interested as to how do lost his home. He needs to go together with his dog.

justilou1 Fri 05-Jul-19 02:59:45

Bloody hell! Wrong kind of dog to be untrained and around kids! Get him and his hopeless “Daddy” out ASAP!

BooseysMom Fri 05-Jul-19 03:29:07

I ignore this but my partner hugs him and puts him on his lap

There's a massive issue right there. You do the right thing by ignoring it (apparently according to a dog trainer that's what you're supposed to do now..don't say no and ignore bad behaviour hmm) He's saying to the dog it's ok to do this by hugging it and putting it on his lap. Wrong!

Anyway this msg is exactly why i don't want a dog. Def don't let your kids be alone with it. Get rid asap. Good luck

Janus Fri 05-Jul-19 07:20:30

Reading your updates on the dog being aggressive there is no way on earth I’d have the dog in a house with 3 young children. I feel awful for the dog but it has to go, you cannot take chances on this. I’d honestly hope the boyfriend goes with him for leaving you every day to deal with this.

TheVanguardSix Fri 05-Jul-19 07:26:31

That dog must go.
I live with dogs. I walk dogs. I have a cat as well and kids.
I wouldn't have that dog in my house for a visit!

TheVanguardSix Fri 05-Jul-19 07:29:41

I get so angry with people who can't be bothered to train their dogs. THIS is what happens. You get this unsocialized dog whose life sucks because it's rendered unlikable (thanks to a lazy owner) and whose behaviour endangers others. I don't rate the dog or your partner, tbh. He doesn't respect you or your family, OP.... or his own dog. Get rid of both!

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