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Overwhelmed with new puppy

(24 Posts)
emsky123 Tue 11-Jun-19 15:22:35

We just brought home a new puppy 2 weeks ago. She is a cockapoo. 9 weeks. Very sweet, easy to train, lively and settling well. But...I’ve had a very shocking first week with my reaction. I’ve largely been crying and totally overwhelmed with the chaos and change. We’ve just had renovations done (after a year long stressful period in our life with a cowboy builder) and I’ve just got our house into order. Now our new space has been taken over and is a dogs den. It seemed like a good time to get a puppy, after the renovations. The only problem is I’ve never really wanted a dog and my husband and two kids were desperate for one. And have been pestering me for years. I wanted to do it for them but did make it clear there wasn’t one part of me that wanted to do it for myself only them. So many people told me I would love it and it would eventually change our life for the better. However at the moment I am totally feeling like I’ve lost my sanctuary and space and mind! I am house proud and have been loving having our new space. My husband said when he works from home this would be an ideal time for him to spend time with the puppy and give me a break however he’s just stepped up his job and this means it’s really difficult for him to be with the puppy during the day. My other resentment is I work from home and over the last year I’ve been really desperate to try and get out and get another part-time job to get me out of the house. Having a puppy is Making me feel even more tied to the house. I know it becomes easier when the puppy can get out and about but I’m feeling really desperate and feeling very anxiety and depressed. My girls age 9 and 12 are helping but I feel the care is mostly going to be with me. One of the reasons for getting a dog also is that my nine-year-old has some behavioural issues. around animals she really calms down especially dogs. However she has started having a few meltdowns again within earshot of the dog and this is extra stress. It’s probably because we are all feeling a bit overwhelmed at the moment. I guess I’m just reaching out for some positive support. I feel incredibly guilty and like I’m failing my family in feeling so resentful of the situation. I just want my old life back 😭

OP’s posts: |
Sooverthemill Tue 11-Jun-19 15:28:14

You will be the main caregiver if your DH has to work more and you have two DCs. But everyone can help. It is overwhelming, we have now had our puppy a year ( he's large breed and will be still puppy like for ages, small breeds mature faster). I was well prepared ahveing had 2 previous puppies and fostered. But OMG it was exhausting. Cockerpoos are high energy. But still a baby. Make sure puppy is confined to one part of the house so only that bit is 'taken over'. Have a bit of a routine with lots of naps for puppy ( and you if you are losing sleep). Puppy classes and parties are good for tiring them out. Training is important too. Puppy will need a lot of attention. BUT if you still feel this way ina week or so, maybe you should reconsider. Good breeders will always take a puppy back rather than have it in an unhappy home

OverFedStanley Tue 11-Jun-19 16:24:38

You have lost your space and you have lost your freedom. That is great is you are happy for fill your time and space with a puppy but really unfair if not. It is a big commitment.

Personally it is my idea of heaven but I can see how it can be hell for others.

There is no way you are failing your family - their lives are going on as before and you have made a massive sacrifice - you are being awesome flowers

It is not obligatory to have a dog and your life must be lived as you want it to. Speak to your family and let them know what an impact this is having. TBH I doubt your dc can step up but your DH will have to if he wants a family dog.

It will get easier and your dog may soon become your partner in crime - use the dog to get out and have some time on your own, use the dog to go and meet new people. However if this is not what you want you have a right to be listened to and your wishes considered in your family. Do not feel guilty.

Book a weekend away and leave DH with puppy and the children and then see how your feelings and his may change.

BiteyShark Tue 11-Jun-19 16:54:16

I wanted a dog for years. It took over 20 years for the time to be right to get one and still the puppy stage overwhelmed me.

The fact that you didn't want a puppy and now it's fallen on you is not on. Your DH needs to step up and make sure that any time he is at home he takes over to give you a break. Make sure he is the one doing the running about and organising all the 'dog' chores. I hope he has investigated training classes and will be attending with all of the family.

adaline Tue 11-Jun-19 16:55:01

It's totally normal - it's called the puppy blues and I think pretty much every single poster on here has struggled at some point or another!

BUT your life will never be the same again. If your children are at school and your DH out at work, the vast majority of puppy care will fall to you. Working from home is not going to be easy either - you're going to need to take him out to the toilet a lot as well as supervise him to prevent chewing and other unwanted behaviours - of course you can crate for some of it, but you can't just crate a young puppy all day so you can work.

Cockerpoos are also very high energy dogs - both cockers and poodles require a lot of work, both physical and mental to tire them out adequately. In the nicest way, are you sure you understand what you've taken on here?

AVeryUniqueUsername Tue 11-Jun-19 17:04:08

Nothing to add other than a 'cockerpoo' is not a breed. You have a cross breed dog/mongrel..

Deafdonkey Tue 11-Jun-19 17:12:23

Agree with the puppy blues, I'm a massive dog lover and I've still had this feeling each time we have a new puppy or dog. What you feel is normal even if it was you who really want it so as you didn't it's doubley normal x it will get easier

Pringle89 Tue 11-Jun-19 17:21:37

100% felt the same, cried and felt anxious, like I couldn’t cope - that we had made the wrong decision. Was so overwhelming and harder on every way then I was expecting. However we got through it and now at nearly 9 months he is an absolute delight, I love him
More than I ever expected to. I promise it will get better. The first 5 weeks are the hardest and it gets easier every week from there. My tip would be getting the puppy used to short times on his own as we didn’t for ages and it’s taken a long time and a lot of work to leave him for up to two hours max. X

adaline Tue 11-Jun-19 17:26:20

The first 5 weeks are the hardest and it gets easier every week from there.

I wouldn't agree with this. I found months 5-9 MUCH harder than the initial puppy days. The mouthing, the stubbornness, the lack of commands, the lack of recall - there's a reason lots of teenage dogs end up in rescue!

BiteyShark Tue 11-Jun-19 18:06:09

* The first 5 weeks are the hardest and it gets easier every week from there.*

Sorry I agree with adaline. The first 5 months was hard with puppy blues, toilet training and the biting. 5-6 months of age felt like bliss but then the teenage period kicked in. Omg he was an arse for months with peak arseness around the 8-9 months of age. Recall went completely and he was stubborn and just 'forgot' everything he had been taught. P.s. I have a cocker so your dog will have some cocker traits (look up traits of cockers and poodles but don't expect the best of both as crossbreeds are a bit of a gamble on which you get)

Nettleskeins Tue 11-Jun-19 18:14:06

I've recently had a new puppy (he came at 12 weeks and is now 7 months, a poodle cross) and although it was my choice and no-one else in the family is that interested, apart from dd (17)...I get how you are feeling.

However, I have felt depressed and anxious in the past for entirely different reasons, and I'm sure being able/forced to take the dog out for walks, and have snuggly times with him (in between the bitey and messy bits) has actually helped my mental health.

On the anxiety front, for ten years I suffered from Vitamin D deficiency which was not picked up, and I know that my keeping on top of the Vitamin D (every day I take 2000iu supplement) has helped me massively. I was given this advice by an NHS consultant endocrinologist. I know I would feel a lot worse if I wasnt taking the vitamin d, and getting out in the sunshine with the dog (and the rain too, although I love rain ironically) has been a boost too.

So please, make sure there isn;t any additional thing making you a bit low and my case I was hypothyroid and vitamin d deficient before I got the puppy, so these matters were addressed a few years ago.

Nettleskeins Tue 11-Jun-19 18:17:04

I dont think it is a coincidence that a lot of people feel better for havign a dog long term becasue they are upping their sunshine (and vitamini d factor) without rrealising it. And exericse of course. And I think there is an oxytocin rush when you bond with your dog later on, which benefits your mental health.

but in the short term...VITAMIN D supplements if you dont already supplement!

Pringle89 Tue 11-Jun-19 18:41:01

Oh don’t get me wrong it wasn’t ‘easy’ after 5 weeks but I found it was better, and improved a bit each week - maybe we haven’t hit the adolescence stage yet?! He’s almost 9 months...maybe I’m in for a shock? 🤣

Crimebustersofthesea Tue 11-Jun-19 19:04:28

I struggled for the first couple of weeks and ours was an adult rescue not even a puppy! I think everyone does tbh.

However, I have always wanted a dog so getting through those first few weeks wasn't so bad. It's completely unfair that this is all on you OP and your DH needs to take some responsibility. Good luck, I hope you grow to love your dog as much as everyone on here loves theirs smile

UrsulaPandress Tue 11-Jun-19 19:07:53

I wanted a dog forever. But he used to reduce me to tears quite regularly when he was a puppy.

Now he reduceds me to tears at the thought of losing him.

<stares misty eyed at nearly 12 year old BastardSpaniel>

GrumpyMiddleAgedWoman Wed 12-Jun-19 16:47:55

I dunno why someone always has to pop up with 'cockerpoo isn't a breed' when OP never claimed it was. hmmconfused

Puppies are bloody hard work, and the work needs to be shared around. Can your DH, as the puppy gets bigger, be the main weekend dog walker so you get a bit of a break? After all, he wanted the dog more than you did.

werideatdawn Wed 12-Jun-19 19:12:53

Nothing to add other than a 'cockerpoo' is not a breed. You have a cross breed dog/mongrel..
How is this in anyway helpful? Stop being nasty. You clearly have nothing intelligent to bring to the thread.

longearedbat Wed 12-Jun-19 22:00:03

I think it's unfair on you to some extent if you didn't want a dog in the first place. It's probably always going to fall on you to do the hard graft of dog care, while the rest of the family gets the fun bits. If you really don't want the dog, can you return it to the breeder?
I must say, I do like the idea of going away and leaving your oh to deal with it. He probably has no idea how hard it is, and how relentless in the early months. Most puppies I have had (but not all) have been hard work until they get to around 12 to 14 months. Current tiny dog was a bitey hyperactive monster, now she is a little angel (mostly!) and I wouldn't be without her. You really need to have a serious talk with your oh about how, or if, this is going to work.

AlpacaP1cnic Thu 13-Jun-19 00:11:15

@AVeryUniqueUsername what a moronic comment . Are you usually such a twat or only when hiding behind a nickname

CheerfulPotato Thu 13-Jun-19 00:21:30

Rehome the puppy. Ideally the breeder will have insisted on the puppy coming back to him/her at any time in its life but if not, find a good rescue who will easily find a home for it while it’s still little and cute.

You don’t want it. The children will - I guarantee - lose interest before long and your husband isn’t going to be around enough to do the lions share of care.

AVeryUniqueUsername Thu 13-Jun-19 17:11:34

Designer dogs are being bred and sold for £££. It's ridiculous and unethical, especially when there are thousands of dogs needing to be rehomed.

If you want a trained dog, go to your local animal shelter.

GrumpyMiddleAgedWoman Fri 14-Jun-19 13:22:54

Designer dogs are being bred and sold for £££
Pedigree dogs are designer dogs too. I have one: her breed was specifically developed to display a particular set of behaviours, and looking a certain way came along with that. You can argue that breeding dogs in closed gene pools is more damaging to their long-term health and welfare than producing crosses.

What is definitely unethical is breeding dogs in poor conditions, and breeding dogs who will suffer because of their morphology, and breeding dogs because all you can see are the £££££ signs.

DuchessDarty Fri 14-Jun-19 17:32:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DuchessDarty Fri 14-Jun-19 21:16:20

OP: “I guess I’m just reaching out for some positive support.”

Poster with poodle-cross bugbear: <gives OP a kicking just because she has a cockerpoo>


What the OP is talking about isn’t a poodle cross problem, it’s a puppy problem and possibly a DH and DC problem.

OP, I’m in a similar position to you in that I have a new puppy and WFH so am doing most of the care. But in my case it was my DH who was reluctant and didn’t want a dog but didn’t want to stand in the way of the DC and me getting one. As agreed, he does little care. But that’s what I signed up to - although the kids had been asking for years and I’d previously been anti getting one, I came round and was on board to do the majority of the work. I had to be because practically I was the one who’d be home with the puppy most of the time. And it is a lot of work. Not just physically but emotionally too - our puppy is particularly bonded to me. DH is engaging more with the pup than he said he would, but I’m trying really hard to make sure he’s not put in a position where he has to look after her and that the interaction he has with her is by choice as much as possible. Because I’d agreed I’d be the one in charge of the puppy.

In your situation it sounds rather like you have been put in an unfair position by your DH. You need to talk to your DH and get him to step up as you’d been v clear about not wanting a dog for yourself. Although bless you, been a leeetle naive at thinking post-renovation was the best time to get a puppy ...

But even those of us who wanted puppies struggle. I started a Young Puppy Support thread recently as there wasn’t one running on here when I got my puppy 5 weeks ago. There’s quite a lot of us on there now and most of us are going or have been through the puppy blues. Come and join us!

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