Guilty over death of dog

(27 Posts)
user1468246318 Mon 29-Apr-19 21:18:43

This is very hard to type. A couple of months ago my lovely boy died as a result of developing an infection following surgery to remove bones from his tummy that he had stolen from the bin while I was out. He was middle aged and in perfect health.

I’d walked him, given him lunch and popped out for the afternoon, ensuring I was back within 4 hours as I didn’t like to leave him all day. Took him straight to the vets who operated and all was looking well until he developed this infection and I had to say goodbye.

All I can think about is that an error that would have taken me just seconds to prevent if I had realised the danger caused his death, and that it’s all my fault, i just can’t bear it. I miss him so much and can’t believe my baby has actually gone, it’s all I can think about and I spend most of my days in tears thinking about him. I don’t know how I will ever get over losing him and be happy again.

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mulberrybag Mon 29-Apr-19 21:26:23

I'm so sorry for you. I know this may sound heartless but could you rehome a rescue ? Sometimes the only way to move the grief on is to change it. I'm an ex vet nurse and know that many owners swear they'll never have another and sometimes it's the very best thing they can do.
Please please try not to keep on blaming yourself. Your boy would have hated to see you so deeply unhappy. It wasn't a deliberate mistake and it's one that a lot of us could have been guilty of. Try to focus on the joy you gave each other and try to make peace with what has happened love 💕

Nesssie Mon 29-Apr-19 21:26:27

This isn’t not your fault at all. A very very very sad incident but one which could not be predicted. I’m so sorry for your loss.

tastylancs Mon 29-Apr-19 21:43:52

Very sad, very unlucky accident. Please stop blaming yourself. Dogs eat stuff they shouldn't all the time, I'm so sorry you lost your boy but this really could have happened to any of us loving dog owners.

BiteyShark Mon 29-Apr-19 22:08:08

Please don't feel guilty.

Dogs eat stuff they shouldn't. I should know as I have one which also had to be operated on and was extremely lucky that he recovered.

You need to give yourself time to grieve thanks

CheekyFuckersDontGetPastMe Mon 29-Apr-19 22:15:49

Aww, that’s very rough on you but please try not to over think it. Accidents happen, the whys and what ifs dont help to move past it, which you need to do.

Be kind to yourself

user1468246318 Mon 29-Apr-19 22:46:18

Thanks you for your lovely messages. At the moment I almost feel like I’d be cheating on him if we got another dog if that makes sense, I’m also a bit unsure about a rescue as we have young children and that’s also a barrier to getting a puppy as we had our dog before the children and could give him all of our attention.
Having said all of that part of me feels like having another dog might be the only thing that helps me heal a little. I’m a dog person now, I miss the walks and the company and having someone who’s pleased to see me no matter how bad my day has been.
I really hope that I can get to a place where I can think of him and the things he did with a smile rather than tears.

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user1468246318 Mon 29-Apr-19 22:50:41

I really thought he’d make it through this accident and it would just be another scrape he’d got himself into over the years, just all happened so suddenly, and the what if I had just done x y z differently.
My one comfort is that I got to be with him as he went and that he knew it was me with him. He was so amazing.

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stressedoutpa Mon 29-Apr-19 22:51:48

You did your best. It's unreasonable to think you could be with him 100% of the time and prevented this. You couldn't. He was loved and cared for. That is much more than most a lot of dogs experience.

Agree that you need to think about finding a new furry. Lots of rescues who are desperately looking for new homes.

CheekyFuckersDontGetPastMe Mon 29-Apr-19 22:56:00

There you go then. An accident happened and you stayed with him to say good bye.

He knew you were there.

Absolutepowercorrupts Mon 29-Apr-19 23:06:48

It was a terrible accident and really not your fault please try not to blame yourself anymore. It's so lovely that you were with him at the end, he knew how much you loved him. They become part of your life so much and it's hard to explain why they do, but they just do. It's good if you can remember the funny lovable things that he did. 💐for you.
When a dog is determined to get into a bin, they will. We had a pedal bin in our house, it was a large one and our boxer worked out pretty quickly that her front paw would open it but she couldn't get at the contents, so she used to put her back paw on the pedal to lift the lid then she would rise up and get stuck in!

somewhatavoidant Mon 29-Apr-19 23:07:07

Sorry for your loss OP. It was an unfortunate accident. Allow yourself a little time to grieve the loss of such a special part of your life. Then get yourself a waggy rescue who loves kids, there’s lots of suitable doggies who would be delighted to try to fill the gap in your life flowers

Smotheroffive Mon 29-Apr-19 23:20:52

So sad for your loss flowers

Very sad though that you are torturing yourself this way. There must be millions of 'bin incidents' with ddogs! Short of hanging a bin off the ceiling it seems ones that extremely difficult to avoid shock

Every now and again something 'freak' happens and a ddog gets unlucky. That was your boy sadly. Horrible things happen and if we stopped everything that's any risk we probably wouldn't even have ddogs atall.

You haven't done anything with intentional harm.

In our garden recently I had left the garden to go into the drive via one of the back gates.

I found my ddogs wandering along the road!

I have since discovered a weird thing has started happening with the latch, but that could have been a multi accident rta of appalling proportions, involving more than ddog and car/s

I couldn't have known about the latch being weird, I've put other measures in place now, but it might've been too late.

I also have bins that they could access, as do all, and unless veggie, they'd all have bones in.

Please no more beating yourself up over this.

It's part of grief to go through a guilt phase, or the if only, but its one that can make grief get stuck so you can't move on.

Your ddog knew you adored him, you can't do more. I'm so sorry this freak incident to him away from you, you did everything in your power to make it alright for him. Sadly sometimes there isn't enough we can do.
They live such a big hole in our hearts flowers

31133004Taff Mon 29-Apr-19 23:26:34

My dog died as consequence of eating a log. Yes dogs eat anything. No fault.

Smotheroffive Mon 29-Apr-19 23:35:33

flowers taff

user1468246318 Tue 30-Apr-19 04:24:52

I had a bit of a talk with my OH and he’s quite adamant about no dog until the children are older and we could it some attention, and possibly never getting one as he is irreplaceable. I do see where he is coming from to an extent but I just always imagined the children and dog growing up together, doing outdoor doggy things etc, just so hard that our future has shifted so much from what it was meant to be. He was so wonderful with them, playful but gentle, a lovely family dog.

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user1468246318 Tue 30-Apr-19 04:27:25

Your messages have really helped, I don’t have many family/friends who are dog owners so although people are trying to understand just how sad we are feeling, they just don’t get it.

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Blackorblack Tue 30-Apr-19 10:01:34

My dog died two months ago as well, and although not in the same circumstances as yours, it was sudden and totally unexpected. I'm also finding it hard to get over losing him, as I'd hoped to have him for another few years and he was so perfect for me.

I understand your grief. I hope you are soon able to think of how happy he was and what a great life he had with you.

Blackorblack Tue 30-Apr-19 10:04:15

Meant to say, I also hope that in time you can take on another dog and give him a good life too. I know from past experience that I think I'll never love another the same, but I do.

Mrsjayy Tue 30-Apr-19 10:08:53

I am very sorry about your dog but it really was a terrible thing to happen there is no fault

. My last dog bin raked and found emptied it all over the hall she got very sick and went downhill fast and died I suspect it was a wrapper from defrosted chicken that we hadn't put outside dogs really can't be watched 24/7

user1468246318 Tue 30-Apr-19 11:41:01

I’m so sorry to hear that you are in the same situation blackorblack, I hope you also find peace and happiness soon xxx

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user1468246318 Tue 30-Apr-19 11:42:40

The thing is as soon as I got home he knew he shouldn’t have done it mrsjayy, he was all sheepish, I’m so glad I didn’t tell him off for it though, I’d have hated that to have been one of our last interactions.

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user1468246318 Tue 30-Apr-19 11:43:20

I’m off to get his ashes today, any idea on what we could do with them would be greatly appreciated xxx

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bilbodog Tue 30-Apr-19 11:55:31

So sorry to hear about your dog. I lost mine just over a year ago and still cry for him. He was our first dog and i waited until the kids were 12/14 so they were old enough to leave in the house alone if i needed to walk him but also old enough to look after him as well when required. We are just moving house and will get another one soon and really looking forward to it as i miss having a furry friend around but will never forget first dog. I have his ashes and when me and DH finally go the children are going to mix his ashes with ours and scatter somewhere appropriate to them at the time. It will ge easier but you will love your dog for ever 💐

Mrsjayy Tue 30-Apr-19 11:55:39

Yes they kinda know they are not allowed... we were devestated and fely guilty our vet was lovely about it and said sadly it happens. I would maybe wait for a new dog we waited 3 years and this dog isn't a moocher thankfully

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