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Think I've made a mistake

(53 Posts)
2duck Thu 25-Apr-19 17:47:33

I posted on here last week about our new puppy. Thing have improved a lot - she will sleep by herself at night now but she hates being left alone during the day. I've tried the gradual approach and it doesn't seem to help. She is happy in her crate if someone is around but howls and wees if no one is.
I knew having a dog would be hard but I hadn't realised how all encompassing it would be. I feel like I'm not being a proper mum to my DCs because I have to deal with the dog. I actual feel pretty depressed, similar to PND I had with DC1, and don't think I'm cut out for having a dog and feel a bit like I've ruined my life. My DCs would be devastated if we got rid of her and my DH thinks we should stick it out but they're not the ones with her all day not able to leave her to even put the bloody washing away.
Everyone keeps telling me it'll get easier but I dont feel any bond to the dog at all. Has anyone kept a dog after feeling like this or anyone who did decide they weren't cut out for it. Please be kind as I feel quite on the edge 😥

OP’s posts: |
Hoppinggreen Thu 25-Apr-19 17:58:47

Loads of us have felt the same I promise
Post puppy depression is totally a thing
Gets better

BiteyShark Thu 25-Apr-19 18:09:55

It's the puppy blues. Lots of us have had it and survived and yes it will get better.

I didn't bond with my puppy for a long time. I found it relentless and the responsibility overwhelming. But he is the love of my life sorry DH winknow and I wouldn't be without him.

Stick with it. Make sure the rest of the family help out to give you a break.

Wolfiefan Thu 25-Apr-19 18:13:27

Totally agree with Bitey. My puppy blues were more like Post Puppy Depression. I was so stressed I couldn’t eat. Shattered and in tears and worried I had done the wrong thing.
She’s a great and much loved and well trained member of the family now. And I love her to bits.

2duck Thu 25-Apr-19 18:19:08

Thank you - everyone says it gets better but I just can't see how. I've book a behaviourist to come next week to see if the seperation anxiety can be addressed. I feel totally tied to the house and every day is a bit of a slog.

OP’s posts: |
2duck Thu 25-Apr-19 18:22:29

Wolfie that is totally how I feel! I can't eat, feel sick and sat and had a massive sob this morning. At least on the plus side I've lost a bit of weight!

OP’s posts: |
2duck Thu 25-Apr-19 18:23:02

Wolfie what changed for you?

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Wolfiefan Thu 25-Apr-19 18:27:18

We had the separation anxiety too! I left her long enough to go for a wee and she chewed through a wall. shock
What changed? Time. Training (tired the bugger out!) As she grew we could do more and she grew in confidence so I could leave her.
Great advice in FB group dog training advice and support on separation anxiety. Don’t leave them. Not for longer than they’re happy with. That meant sleeping by her and basically never getting out of the house without her. I won’t lie. It was really hard. But worth it. She’s now confident and chilled in the house.
It gets better OP. Trust me. flowers

Canshopwillshop Thu 25-Apr-19 18:28:37

It’s very common to feel like this. A good friend of mine felt exactly the same about her puppy even though she had wanted one for ages. I didnt with our DDog but I did when we got our kitten. She was full on and I felt like I hated her and that she had ruined my life. I even asked a relative if he would consider re-homing her. However, after the first few weeks things settled down and I grew to love her.

BiteyShark Thu 25-Apr-19 18:28:57

How old is she now?

Every week they grow up a bit more and their behaviour changes. If someone had magicked him away as a puppy I would have been relieved but now he's lying on me fast asleep and it's lovely.

It wasn't until I saw his adult personality that I started to fall in love with him. I didn't even like him as a puppy but they do grow on you and you find you start to like the things they do rather then being fully consumed in training/socialisation and battling with their behaviour.

2duck Thu 25-Apr-19 18:44:02

Shes 18 weeks now. We're due to start puppy training classes next weekend which may help. The behaviourist said on the phone where you can dont leave her which is so hard when you've got school run, after school clubs, shopping etc to do. I would just like to press the reset button!

OP’s posts: |
Easterbunnyhashoppedoff Thu 25-Apr-19 18:46:56

Baby sling?? We took our Husky all over tucked in a coat! Paid off, she loves the car now and everyone!!

Wolfiefan Thu 25-Apr-19 18:57:05

I took mine on the school run and got another parent to take my DD in. blush
I shopped when DH could watch pup.
Clubs? I dropped kids off and ran. (Preferably taking pup with me.) Or my mum or DH helped out.
It’s tough though. A puppy sitting service is a possible business plan!!
I remember leaving her with DH whilst I had a shower and him yelling for me as she had a freezer bag in her mouth and wouldn’t let go. Nowadays I can just leave her dozing whilst I shower in peace. grin

BiteyShark Thu 25-Apr-19 18:59:41

Wolfie the showering sounds familiar. I used to have to do it quickly as I would come back to chaos when DH was watching BiteyDog as he would be doing or chewing something bad.

Wolfiefan Thu 25-Apr-19 19:04:30

Now I can even find time to shave my legs and condition my hair. grin

2duck Thu 25-Apr-19 19:04:58

Yep that all sounds similar! I have a dog sling and it does help. How long till it got easier?

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longearedbat Thu 25-Apr-19 19:08:29

Puppies are very much a blank canvas too. Because they are babies their communication is on a basic level. It's hard to think that the puppy that drove me to distraction now understands so many phrases/words, which makes life easier and more entertaining. It's watching them grow and learn which is so rewarding. You wouldn't say 'be quiet' to a crying baby and expect it to understand or comply; a puppy crying because you are leaving it is exactly the same.
If you are having to leave your puppy regularly while it is very young and needy, you could be setting yourself up for separation anxiety problems. All puppies are different; I have had ones that are very self contained and secure, others not. Can you take your puppy more places with you? Or, alternatively, make sure it has some company when you are not there?

Wolfiefan Thu 25-Apr-19 19:12:26

It’s like with kids. It gets easier in increments. Easier when not teething. Easier when started training. Easier as they age. Easier as you nail recall. Easier when she learnt to ignore the evil kitties. Easier when we got loose lead walking sorted.

stucknoue Thu 25-Apr-19 19:15:58

You need to realise it's a puppy not a baby. You need to have a safe place you can leave your dog in the house, some people crate, others use a utility room for instance, and get them used to being left. I did it from day 1, just for 2 hours at first but it means you can get on with life.

BiteyShark Thu 25-Apr-19 19:17:53

What I found happened was that I would realise that BiteyDog hadn't done a certain (bad) behaviour for a while.

I did find that as certain behaviours disappeared others popped up BUT at the same time your bond strengthens and whilst they can still drive you to drink they also start to make you smile and laugh.

Mrsoh39 Thu 25-Apr-19 19:18:00

We had the puppy regrets too, she's 20 weeks old now, quite jumpy so now our walks are all about training her to walk nicely, I can leave her to do errands, school run etc, I leave her with a chew and hide treats around the kitchen that she has to find.

Wolfiefan Thu 25-Apr-19 19:22:22

@stucknoue not if the pup has separation anxiety. That’s like leaving a person with a phobia of snakes in a room of them. It will have a complete panic attack and worsen the problem.

Nettleskeins Thu 25-Apr-19 19:32:39

if the puppy is housetrained, then maybe just try and bring him with you whenever you do something around the house...I find the more random my activities the less he notices when I leave his side, whereas he will be getting the tension buildup from you leaving for half an hour, an hour before he is completely ready to watch you come and go.

I had it in my mind that the puppy needed to stay in another room whilst I did something useful for ten minutes, whereas people now tell me their adult dog follows them from room to room and they just accept it rather than trying to train dog out of this. It will become your new normal that it does go everywhere you go (obv not the supermarket...but then what else is online delivery for wink)

I didn;t really feel much for the puppy for the first few weeks, just felt very responsible and tired...He is six months now, and I do really really like him...and I miss him when I'm not with him, and feel delighted when he makes his little greeting noises every morning. Still sometimes a bind though, like a toddler that drives you barmy, but you are still crazy about...and would protect through hell or high water if they needed protecting..

Nettleskeins Thu 25-Apr-19 19:35:58

feeling tied to the house turns into...I now have the whole wide world to explore with dog at my side...honestly the parks and green places and outdoors completely opens up when you have a dog. What you couldn't find time for before does sort of become your best time, especially in this Maylike weather. I never could justify long walks before, now they are my necessary.

Pringle89 Thu 25-Apr-19 19:36:29

In the same boat here regarding separation anxiety @Wolfiefan what did you do to get your pup used to being left? Or did it just improve as he got older? 7mths and cannot be left without barking, tbh we’ve not tried that much as I don’t want to leave him getting upset but on the flip side if I don’t leave him he will never get used to it will he?!

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