I can’t get over the death of my dog

(18 Posts)
Islands81 Sun 07-Apr-19 01:31:55

Ddog died nearly 7 months ago, and I’m lying here in floods of tears. The fact that he’s not here anymore completely breaks me. I just don’t know how to cope with it.

Some days are better than others but I have ME, and since ddog died I’ve been really bad with it. I think those two things combined have really affected my MH and I just can’t find the energy or feel enthusiastic about anything anymore.

He came to me in a dream today, I knew he was dead but if I concentrated really hard I could see him. I was taking him out for walks and people thought I was mad because he’s dead, but I could see him clear as day being his usual daft self. I want him to come back more in dreams because it’s the only time I can have with him now...but then I wake up and it all feels so raw again.

I’m really not functioning well without him. I just don’t know how the pain will ever stop. It seems to be getting worse with time, not better.

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unicornstore Sun 07-Apr-19 01:57:54

Dogs are special creatures and touch those who love them deeply. I have 2 myself and also suffer MH problems, mine always come to me when I have panic attacks and stay with me.

Your dog was yours and I can guarantee his whole world revolved around you, he's resting now and had the best life with you. You were his best friend. Remember him as you did in the dream, daft, happy, lovely.

Is another dog an option for you? It can be helpful to grieve alone but some people do find getting another furry friend really helps and it's definitely in no way 'replacing' your precious first pup.

Wishing you all the best tonight, get some sleep, dream of your dog. You'll always be connected❤️

Alicewond Sun 07-Apr-19 02:01:54

I lost my dog a couple of years back, couldn’t bear the thought of getting another as it seemed like I’d be replacing him. One day though I saw a pic and it just seemed right. Now my new dog is curled up asleep at my feet. Since getting him it’s made life better

Islands81 Sun 07-Apr-19 02:04:27

Thank you. Maybe one day I’ll be ready for another dog, but I can’t imagine ever finding that connection again. He was one of a kind (not just my opinion, everyone used to say it grin). We went through so much together, we could talk without needing words. He was there everywhere I went for 14 years. I love all dogs but to be honest just about every other dog I know, I’m glad I don’t own! I don’t just want ‘a dog’, I want MY dog. And I know that’s not possible. Not sure if I’m making sense here.

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Islands81 Sun 07-Apr-19 02:07:41

Alicewond - i have thought that maybe one day another dog will come along and it will feel right. I think the problem is, I never went looking for ddog, he came to me (my ex bought him and I got custody when we broke up!). I wouldn’t know where to start with actually finding one. I have looked at rescue sites and discount them all because they’re nothing like ddog!

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bumblebee1987 Sun 07-Apr-19 02:18:04

I'm so sorry for your loss. Dogs are incredible creatures, and I think the hole they leave behind when we lose them is massively underestimated. They are such a huge part of our lives, and so important to us, it's only natural that they leave us devastated when we lose them.

Have you tried the Blue Cross pet bereavement line? They might be able to help you. I've not got personal experience of the service, but it might be worth a try?

Do you want to talk about your lovely boy? I'd love to hear about him if you wanted to tell us more?

I am so sorry that you feel like this sad I wish I knew how to help.

Alicewond Sun 07-Apr-19 02:22:26

@Islands81 I felt the same, we looked at other dogs and it just upset me, they weren’t my dog. But one day a pup appeared and he looked like my dog and I felt a connection, it took 2 years for me. Strangely pup has grown and now looks nothing like him, but god I love him, it’s given me something back x

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Islands81 Sun 07-Apr-19 02:46:25

@bumblebee1987 I did phone the blue cross line i think the day after he was PTS. I didn’t find it very helpful, though to be fair to them that was at the stage of needing tranquillisers so I’m not sure anything would have helped. Might be worth giving them another go.

Ddog - where to start. So many people said he was the most human dog they ever met. He used to have his own car seat in the car, otherwise he’d just plant himself in dd’s 😂. He just wanted to be with me, I couldn’t leave him with anyone because he’d just pine. He loved to work the room and if we were in the pub or somewhere he’d wander round to each person there and present himself to them until he’d received the requisite amount of fuss. He was an ace footballer in his youth. Complete tennis ball addict, I bought him one of those nerf tennis ball guns for his 13th birthday and he loved it so much that I had to put it in the cupboard under the stairs - he then chewed a hole in the cupboard door trying to get to it. I’d never put him on the lead, he’d just trot along next to me wherever I went. The beach was his favourite place in the world, when I used to go surfing he’d sit on the beach watching me and waiting for me to come out of the water. He thought it was hilarious to lick us in the face, he knew we all hated it but he was dead sneaky about getting one in when you were least expecting it. I could prattle on forever...

These pics were all taken not long before he died.

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Islands81 Sun 07-Apr-19 02:47:59

@Alicewond that’s lovely 😊 and gives me some hope. Really pleased you’ve found a new best friend x

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Islands81 Sun 07-Apr-19 02:53:40

Oh and he used to sit like a human more than a dog! He knew people thought it was cute so he’d do it to ramp up the attention if he felt it was lacking grin

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Islands81 Sun 07-Apr-19 02:55:19

Oh pics didn’t attach

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Islands81 Sun 07-Apr-19 02:55:41

Yes they did blush

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QOD Sun 07-Apr-19 03:25:06

He’s gorgeous and I’m so sorry- we’ve only had ours for about a year and I can’t remember life without her and can’t imagine it without.
Heart stealers.
I know I’d 100% get another, she’s irreplaceable but the hole would need partially filling asap

OverFedStanley Sun 07-Apr-19 09:05:24

I am not a grief counsellor so feel free to totally ignore this!

I am sorry for your loss - it is always so hard to lose a dog who has given us so much.

Just a thought could you look at things in a new angle in rescue centres there are dogs feeling just like you in having lost their owners or homes. Would walking a dog in rescue help you to concentrate on a dog in another way,without the commitment and know you are helping a dog to feel better. You never know you may meet a new soul mate in doing so but if not you are getting out a bit and the dogs will certainly benefit.

AllGoodDogs Sun 07-Apr-19 10:24:00

I'm so sorry for your loss, OP. We lost our lab 3 weeks ago, and having our other dog has helped massively. Given us all something to direct our love at as he is missing his pal as much as we are.

I'm looking at the Cinnamon Trust to volunteer as a walker, perhaps that's something for you to look at also. Getting out with another dog may help you begin to connect with them again?

Sooverthemill Sun 07-Apr-19 10:28:50

What a lovely dog and I'm so sorry he has gone. I know that with ME emotional energy takes a huge toll which may well be what has happened to you now ( my DD has very severe ME) and you may be experiencing post exertional malaise as a result of your grief which will obviously exacerbate your symptoms and lower all your energy levels. Grief for a beloved pet is massive, just as encompassing as with a human

sandi2019 Sun 07-Apr-19 10:29:04

So sorry for your loss xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx that doggy is so beautiful xxxxxxxxxxxx perfect doggy face 😍
I recently lost a cat and was devastated.........I couldn't go in to work.
Sometimes OP....not an expert but....people can get stuck in the grief process and need a bit of help moving along a bit xx
You can speak with your GP and they will be able to refer you to someone who can help.
You are obviously a lovely person with lots of love to give....maybe one day you can give this love to another furbaby who is in need of a loving home xxxxx when you are ready xxxxx

spiderlight Sun 07-Apr-19 11:27:30

Oh my goodness, he is gorgeous!! His character shines through in those photos - what a fab little chap!

My heart goes out to you because we lost our soul dog in January - again, he was a very, very unusual, very special dog, who came to us when we weren't looking and had such a bond with us. He never wanted anything to do with anyone else other than DH and me, and DS when he came along. He'd been badly treated and we were his sanctuary - we always said that he'd have been happiest if we lived on an island and never had to bother with anyone else! We lost him to kidney failure - we tried absolutely everything, but in the end we just couldn't get him to eat or drink and he had to be put to sleep a week to the day after my dad's funeral. We were broken. I've honestly never known grief like it.

We do have another dog now - we waited a couple of months and then I looked all through the rescue sites. Not one of the dogs had any impact on me because they weren't Archie, but a friend was fostering a cocker spaniel for a rescue and needed to move him on because he was bothering her cats, and my DS was so bereft without a dog, so we've ended up with him and he's lovely. I work from home because of illness, and without a dog to walk, I was going days and days without setting foot out of the house or talking to anyone other than DS and DH. It felt as if a piece of my identity had been ripped away - I'd always been 'the one with the dog'. Adopting Ed has done us all good - my DS adores him. The bond's not the same and it's very early days, but having him around has definitely helped and he's special in his own way.

Sorry - I'm rambling. Just wanted you to know that you're not alone in feeling this way. It would be good for you to talk to a specialist bereavement counsellor if the grief is still so disabling after all this time though flowers

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