He's gone..

(24 Posts)
AllGoodDogs Sun 17-Mar-19 22:25:22

Our beloved Labrador was put to sleep this afternoon, and I don't know what to do with myself. Everytime I allow myself to think of him the tears come, and if I allow them to I struggle to breathe. The pain is so real and palpable, I've not experienced grief like this before.

My DC's are 6 and 10. The 6 year old seemed to only suddenly grasp what had happened at bedtime and is so upset.

Devastated is an understatement. Me and DH were with him as he went, and stayed with him for a long time after, and now I can't shake the image from my head of him laying on the floor of the vets as we finally left him.

His ashes will come back to us in a week or so. Will I feel better then, when he's home?

I don't want to go to bed tonight as I know I'll not be able to think of anything else.

OP’s posts: |
sachabloom Sun 17-Mar-19 22:27:43

I'm so, so sorry. We lost ours 3 years ago and my whole family still miss him terribly. But what brings us comfort is that it was the right thing to do and that we'd gotten so many great years and memories with him.

I am so glad you were with him when he went, we were too and I truly believe it will have kept them calm.

Having dogs is amazing, until this day😞 I'm not sure how helpful this post will be but I just couldn't read without telling you how sorry I am for your loss.

My mum has our dogs ashes in the house by a picture of him and it certainly helps her xxx

Runkle Sun 17-Mar-19 22:28:44

So sorry flowers

Otterseatpuffinsdontthey Sun 17-Mar-19 22:31:44

flowers

PeggyIsInTheNarrative Sun 17-Mar-19 22:32:51

I’m sorry All. Of course you are shocked and grieving. It only happened today. It will get easier to live with, less raw.take care of yourself.
flowers

BettyBooJustDoinTheDoo Sun 17-Mar-19 22:34:33

I’m so so sorry, I’ve not been through what you have been through yet but my dog is getting older and I am literally dreading the day the time comes, I can’t even imagine the devastating pain you are in now my heart really goes out to you, I expect you are in shock at the moment with the enormity of what has happened, I hope you can take some comfort in the fact your dog was surrounded by his family and did not leave this world alone. I think you will feel better when you get his ashes and he is home where he belongs, I know I would. flowers for you, I’m so sorry.

Bonkersblond Sun 17-Mar-19 22:43:53

I'm so sorry, we lab PTS 5 years ago when DC were the same age, she was really poorly and I was with her to the very end and that brings me comfort, I still miss her now even though we have new addition, who is fabulous and love her but they all have different personalities and become such a big part of our lives that they also leave a big gap too. Some of her ashes are scattered at her favourite walks but we still have some keeping warm by the fireplace. My DC both drew a picture of her which to this day are both framed in their bedrooms, this certainly helped them at the time.

I'm so sorry, those early days of missing them are really hard xx

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cheesenpickles Sun 17-Mar-19 23:16:49

Ohhh @AllGoodDogs I'm so sorry. Our beloved frenchie was pts last weekend and it's heartbreaking. Sending lots of unmumsnetty hugs. sad

MargotLovedTom1 Sun 17-Mar-19 23:24:39

We lost our beloved old boy last year and I still have days when I cry for him. I remember that horrible, panicky, can't - breathe feeling of the very early days. Its awful; you have my utmost sympathy.

MrsMozartMkII Sun 17-Mar-19 23:30:22

I'm so sorry.

Honeyroar Sun 17-Mar-19 23:37:26

I’m really sorry, I lost a beloved lab just over a year ago and remember that pain and upset. You have to just grieve as you need to, cry when you need to. We had two other dogs who were heart broken too. I had some of her fur put into a key ring and a paperweight- the key ring comes on days out with the dogs that she would have come on. We also planted a Xmas tree over her in the garden. I go and talk to it regularly- used to every day at first.

kamillaw Mon 18-Mar-19 00:06:25

So sorry to hear. Xxx

IncrediblySadToo Mon 18-Mar-19 00:18:25

I’m so very sorry, it hurts so much xx

My first dog died many years ago now. I was out walking the other day and around from a big tree her spitting image came bounding up to me and for just a split second...I burst into tears and made such a fuss of her.

We still have her ashes

Their lives are so short compared to ours, heartbreak is inevitable, but I try to remember that they are ok now and had The Best lives while they were with us, it’s only us suffering.

Biggest hugs.

doodleygirl Mon 18-Mar-19 13:32:10

Im so sorry flowers

spiderlight Mon 18-Mar-19 14:16:07

So very sorry flowers

AllGoodDogs Mon 18-Mar-19 14:38:42

Thank you all for your lovely words. Last night was so tough for all of us.

I have ordered a black lab cuddly toy for each child, and bought them each a collar and dog tag with his name on. Hopefully they'll bring them some comfort, something to cuddle now he's not here.

We still have another dog which gives us something to focus on, and means the house isn't as quiet as it would be otherwise

OP’s posts: |
BettyBooJustDoinTheDoo Mon 18-Mar-19 16:24:56

That’s a lovely idea OP, hope you are all bearing up,it’s such an awful time, if you are struggling Blue Cross offer a pet bereavement service which may help.

subterraneanalien Mon 18-Mar-19 19:09:27

I so feel your pain AllGoodDogs, I posted myself a day or so ago about my grief at the loss of my dog last October. I still feel the pain very deeply and I understand what you are going through right now. My DH and I were with my boy at the vets when he died and we know that helped him, it was late in the evening and by the time we got home I was beside myself, there was no question of sleeping. I put my wellies on and strode out into the night, with my dog's soft blanket around my shoulders! I must have looked a sight (no one around gone midnight!) It was visceral and cathartic.

They truly are family and it is inevitable we will grieve as though they were as meaningful to us as a person! I do hope it gets easier for you in time. xx

Witchonastick Wed 20-Mar-19 17:28:39

We lost our dear beautiful girl yesterday.
We were with her, but I feel so bad, like we gave up on her.
She was so loving, happy and devoted. It really hurts that’s she’s gone.

She had bone cancer and was on a lot of pain meds but still happy and waggy and affectionate. We wanted to let her go before the pain got too bad and she stopped being herself or her bone broke, but it felt too soon.

She was my constant companion and I loved her.

AllGoodDogs Wed 20-Mar-19 18:25:54

@Witchonastick I could have written that myself. The guilt I feel is unshakable. Was it too soon? Would he have chosen to leave us? Before Sunday I knew it was the right thing to do, but as it was being done I wanted to scream at the vet to stop, that I'd changed my mind. And then it was done, and he was gone.

OP’s posts: |
Witchonastick Wed 20-Mar-19 22:03:54

@AllGoodDogs How old was your dog?
I don’t remember feeling this guilt when we let our last dog go. But she was a lot older and literally on her last legs. In that instance we left it too long.

AllGoodDogs Wed 20-Mar-19 22:42:04

He would be 14 later this year. He had arthritis and muscle wastage on his back legs, which in turn affected his front legs as they were doing all the work. He could no longer go for walks (would trip as one shoulder kept giving out), was struggling to get in and out of the house up and down the few steps at front or back door. He also had an upset tummy at least once a day which the vet explained is another sign of old age, as the digestive system gets weaker.

He was totally deaf and had cataracts in both eyes but he would still wag his tail and be happy to see us (once he realised we were home as he didn't hear us come in).

His biggest source of joy the last 18 months was hydrotherapy, which he adored, but given his upset tummy and the very cold weather he hadn't been since the end of January.

We could have kept him going on stronger pain killers and a recovery type diet, but the painkillers would have made him very dozy and sleepy, and as he slept for the vast minority of his days anyway, it didn't seem like the right thing to do. Nothing would have made him "better" if you see what I mean.

I keep mulling it over and wondering if we should have done that though, and given him the chance for however much longer we could have? My biggest fear was that something would happen while DH is away as his job means he's gone around 20 days per month and can't get home at the drop of a hat. It would mean me taking him to be PTS in an emergency situation without DH, and him not being able to say goodbye which would have been even more traumatic for everyone.

I saw someone say on here once better too do it too soon than too late, and I think that stuck with me, but the decision still tortures me.

OP’s posts: |
70isaLimitNotaTarget Fri 22-Mar-19 10:27:18

Better a week too early than a day too late

Because that last day could be the most hellish 24 hours and you would want to shield your beloved pet from that . And if that means trying to predict the 'right' time and maybe not get it right , you can see why the rational side would say 'early'. It doesn't make it any easier for the owner though sad

flowers

spiderlight Fri 22-Mar-19 10:54:04

So sorry your girl has gone, @Witchonastick. Bone cancer is a horrible thing - you've done absolutely the right thing by letting her go before the pain got any worse or she fractured something. I know there are no words that will ease the pain right now but you are very much in my thoughts [flower]

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