Should I tell DDog he's being PTS?

(45 Posts)
LetsPlayBamboozled Tue 26-Feb-19 09:26:12

I know, I know, who wants to hear that they will be put to sleep?! Terrible thing to say.

But I have always spoken to my dog very clearly about what's happening. If dd has a playdate coming or if a man he will want to shout at is coming to look at the boiler. I let him know.

He is a very old dog who rallied after a change of meds at Christmas but the last week has rapidly declined sad Today we are taking him to the vet to discuss it. I've told him we are going to see the vet today to "talk about things" and he let out a very long noisy sigh.

I have considered that when we next take him back for the final appointment I could say "we're going to see the vet, so he can help you one last time" or "make you comfortable". I feel like I can't say nothing, because I always tell him what's what. But should I say anything?? Maybe I am just doing it for myself and I should just say "come on, lets's go see the vet" and not say anything more. For some reason I feel like this is tricking him, letting him think he's coming home when he isn't.

I don't know maybe you'll all thing it's very wrong to say anything to him.. I realise I my anxiety about the whole thing is spilling into this.. please let me know your thoughts..

OP’s posts: |
Witchofzog Tue 26-Feb-19 09:28:40

Oh gosh. flowers. This must be so hard for you. I would tell him about a long long sleep maybe. And no more pain

ChrisPrattsFace Tue 26-Feb-19 09:29:19

As a vet nurse... i can tell you, he will not have a clue what you’re saying.
Say what you want, say nothing, it’s all for your benefit and not for his.
Sorry to hear it’s the end of his time though flowers

MinniesAndMickeysNeedCounting Tue 26-Feb-19 09:33:38

If you usually tell him everything then tell him.

You feel he understands you, so if you feel like you're tricking him by not telling him tell him.
Otherwise it'll play on your mind after and you'll feel guilt about.

I wasnt prepared for how guilty I'd feel even though I logically knew I was doing the right thing.

Bellatrix14 Tue 26-Feb-19 09:34:42

I feel like if he genuinely understands (which he may do, you never know) then he will understand your entire conversation with the vet/conversations that you’ve been having at home so you will not have to say the words to him. If he doesn’t understand then you don’t need to upset yourself by telling him. So I wouldn’t, but obviously it is up to you.

I am very sorry flowers

FromthePinkGlitterySide Tue 26-Feb-19 09:38:51

I’ve actually just welled up at this and I’m not usually like that. So I just want to say you sound lovely and I’m sure that he has had an amazing life with you. I would have a quick chat and explain that he won’t be in pain anymore. Take care flowers

ChakiraChakra Tue 26-Feb-19 09:41:10

I did with my girl I had pts a few months ago. I had an intensive 48 hours talking with her, intuiting how she felt, explaining things and reassuring and supporting her, preparing her. To me, being honest with her was a way to be most congruent in my own energy. I think even if they don't understand (and I think they understand intention much better than some think), they know you're anxious and upset. If you're trying to put on a brave face that's incongruent - being congruent is much more settling for an animal, even when the congruence is in being upset. It was important to me - but you'll find the way that's best for you and him xxx


GemmeFatale Tue 26-Feb-19 09:41:16

If it makes you feel better tell him.

I plan on telling mine about the rainbow bridge when the time comes (I don’t believe in human heaven but dogs have better souls so I think maybe they get one)

ChakiraChakra Tue 26-Feb-19 09:42:38

And be with him at the end. That's imo the very most important thing of all. Xx

isthismylifenow Tue 26-Feb-19 09:53:28

Oh Lets, I am so sorry.

I really did become quite emotional reading your post.

I used to talk to my old Lab boy all the time as well. The decision was made on the Friday that he would be pts on the Monday. We spent the whole weekend with him, and we talked to him the whole time that he shouldn't be afraid, how much we would miss him and how much he was loved. On the Monday morning, I really felt deep down that he just knew. He was at peace and calm and when I said goodbye (I didnt take him as I just couldnt) to him at the car, he just gave me that look. I will never forget it. It was a I am tired look but he stared right into my eyes.

He had a last dinner of roast lamb with all the trimmings, he typical of a Labrador, ill but never went off his food. Love him...

OK I am bawling now, I still miss him dreadfully.

I think that if you have always talked to him about everything, then this is no different. If you didnt talk to him now he would pick up something is different.

I will say though, that I lost my previous dog to an accidental death, so his passing was sudden and I thought that the dc nor I would ever get through that grief. With our Labby, we got to say goodbye to him, of course it wasnt easy but the fact that we could say goodbye did help us a lot with the grief and we know he went peacefully.

Be strong.


Isadora2007 Tue 26-Feb-19 10:46:17

Tell him. I think he will feel the upset and worry in your voice if you gloss over and don’t say it. I don’t believe he can understand your words but I am sure he can pick up so much from your tone and your manner. What a lucky dog you have- and you are also a lucky owner to have had such a lovely relationship with a special dog. Much love.

missbattenburg Tue 26-Feb-19 10:55:53

Use the phrase YOU feel most comfortable using. That way your turn of voice, manner etc will be as comfortable as possible and it's that he will pick up on.

I say please and thank you to the dog all the time. I don't think he understands 'please' but I do think it naturally changes my tone of voice into something softer. Stops me barking orders at him just because I'm not thinking.

thanks for you, OP. It is heartbreaking when they go xx

bobstersmum Tue 26-Feb-19 20:29:53

Oh op I'm sobbing real tears, snot the works. You sound so lovely I'm so sorry you have gotten to this stage with your dog I'm sure he has had an amazing life with you. If you always talk to him then tell him. Tell him about the rainbow Bridge as someone else suggested, I'm sure we meet our pets again one day, I hope we do.

Kneesbend Tue 26-Feb-19 21:23:56

Oh OP, I am so so sorry you are having to go through this. I told Alfie that we were stopping his pain, that he is still my best friend and thanked him for coming to play.
The words will come to you. I lost him 13 weeks ago tomorrow, I have yet to have a day where I don’t cry but at least now I can just about (on a good day) say his name.

Lots of love and hugs to you both xx

Scattyhattie Tue 26-Feb-19 23:37:07

Sorry that time has comeflowers.
While we may get more of the benefit from the chats & its a part of your relationship & if your feeling it would be odd not to then Its better not to have regrets.

I'm not religious nor truly believe in heaven for myself, but the dogs all go to heaven. So I'd probably explain that he's going to the vets and he'll send him on way to heaven, where he won't be in pain anymore & will get to do fun dog stuff. Even though you won't be able to visit you'll always think about him & will meet again in the future.

I've only had one dog that was a planned passing its nicer in that it allows you to prepare how you'd like to say your goodbyes. we made sure he had a lovely last day as he wasn't unwell in himself but had a terminal tumour & lost balance easily.
We took him to the woodland cafe for breakfast & to dog watch from his bed, he had little potter & sniff ( his favorite pastime).
Then after a sofa snooze he had a little picnic at a very quiet place we walk while we waited for the vet to come pts. I did have a chat & told him how much I loved him.

FamilyOfAliens Tue 26-Feb-19 23:40:52

Say what you want, say nothing, it’s all for your benefit and not for his.

I really hope you don’t work at my vet. You sound heartless.

Greekcatslovesouvlaki Wed 27-Feb-19 00:24:36

So sorry for your loss Lets. They might not understand all the words, but they understand the meaning completely. May your beautiful boy rest in peace x

Dhalandchips Wed 27-Feb-19 00:28:36

It's heartbreaking, so sorry for you. He knows he's loved xx

LetsPlayBamboozled Wed 27-Feb-19 16:00:32

Thank you for all your kind words. flowers for everyone who has been through this. It's so hard.

I did try to talk to him yesterday but he felt sniffing his own backside was more important grin. That did amuse me, through the sadness, I have to say.

Thank you for naming the emotion of guilt Minnie you made me realise I am feeling that about it all.

Chakira congruence is another thing you've put into words what I was worried about there, spot on.

It's true that we've talked about it over his head yesterday. I do wonder if he just knows. He's just so old. Anyway, I hope I will find the right words I need. I will certainly be telling him something, I appreciate you all helping me reach that conclusion. I am now also worrying about DP who fell apart at the vet yesterday, which I hadn't anticipated and what we'll tell DD given it'll be bedtime when we get back and she's only 4. Trying to focus my energy on being calm for DDog.

Thank you again for the support.

OP’s posts: |
MakeItAmazing Wed 27-Feb-19 16:06:35

I read your title and for less than half a second I was thinking of course not and then I remembered how I feel about my dog and how much she understands and I got it. I've read the whole thread and I'm touched how everyone gets it but how sad that the only unkind message comes from a vet.

I would love to hear all about your lovely dog and I am so so sorry you are facing this.

I lost three pets in six months and now have six pets plus fish and I'm thinking shit I've got to go through heart break again.

I hope he's got longer than you think and that when it happens it's as calm for you all as it can be. flowers 🦴

AlbertWinestein Wed 27-Feb-19 16:13:19

It’s absolutely fine to tell him, regardless of whether he understands or not. And tell him what a great dog he’s been and thank him for his companionship and love.

And now I’m going to snuggle my two sofa hoggers.

homemadegin Wed 27-Feb-19 16:25:23

You sound lovely op, this has made me cry. Of course you should tell him if you want to do that. thanks

We lost our 15 year old girl in September, one month before I had DD. Like your boy, she went downhill very quickly. We stay on a farm so arranged for vet to come here as DH was burying her. I sat and held her paw and told her and thanked her for all she had done for me. All those tears, multiple miscarriages, broken hearts. She held me together in my darkest hours.

We have a big picture of her in the kitchen. I've noticed when I'm feeding in the night she looks over me. I'm still devastated she didn't meet DD but I like to think she knew and that she felt able to go. She took part of me with her though.

Sending you warm thoughts.

Burlea Wed 27-Feb-19 16:36:07

I remember taking our first dog to be PTS, I told him how good he had been, that I loved him. I'm sure he understood a little bit, gave him a kiss and held his paw until he had gone. Yes it's the guilt as a dog is so loyal and loving.
I'm sorry you are having to go through this but when they are old and poorly have no quality of life then it's in their best interest.

pigsDOfly Wed 27-Feb-19 16:57:51

So sorry you're going through this. flowers

Absolutely right to tell your dog how much you love him and that you're going to miss him.

I think I'd want to tell him that he's going to feel like a puppy again and the pain will go and he'll spend all his time running on cool grass.

You've clearly loved your dog very much it's only natural that you need to talk him through this one last kindness that you can do for him.

pigsDOfly Wed 27-Feb-19 17:05:00

@ChrisPrattsFace Unnecessary and cruel post.

The OP is about to lose her precious dog and yet you feel the need to point out that you think you are qualified to dismiss her emotional need to talk to her dog.

Clearly they didn't teach much about empathy at your vet nurse college.

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