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Husband wants rid of my dog(193 Posts)
Before I met my husband I adopted a dog who became my world. He's my baby and I wouldn't be without him. Four years on, I met someone with whom I fell in love with. At first he seemed to be ok with my dog. Then we got married, my dog and I moved in to his home and things seemed lovely and balanced. My husband helped walk the dog while I was at work and in return I tried to balance my giving of love and attention between them ensuring harmony in this triad relationship. Two years on, my husband became agitated and complained about the size of my dog, that he's too big for the house and his house has become a kennel. My dog being a greyhound is big yet the most gentle and we'll behaved one that sleeps most of the day. He doesn't bark and makes no demands. His paws get washed each time he is brought into the house especially on muddy days and has baths when necessary. My husband claims that he's tried it with the dog for 2 years and he can no longer carry on living with it. He's suggested getting someone else to look after him as he can no longer tolerate him in his small house. It has caused a lot of arguments that I tried to leave with my dog a couple of times. He promised to try harder but in one heated argument (about the dog, of course) he only said to try harder to stop me from going. I'm adamant in keeping my dog as in my eyes he's done nothing wrong. He accused me of choosing my dog over him yet he knew I had a dog before we met. I explained to him that my dog is not just a dog but like a child with whom I developed a deep bond with. I asked him how it would be like for me if I was forced to give my dog away. His response was "You'll be upset but you'll get over it in time". I found his response very cold and calous. So, before I make a final decision on my marriage , I ask everyone, am I missing something? Please help.
I hate your DH!! How dare he?! Fair enough if he isn't a dog person, but he chose to get involved with, move in with and marry someone with a dog. Does he understand that animals are not disposable?! I feel it says quite a lot about his personality. Is he a wanker in other ways?
Does he rapidly change his tune when you say you will leave him.
My first ever LTB.
He knew that you came as a package. A dog is like a child. Would he expect you to re home a child as it didn't suit his plans?
He is being cold hearted. Can you afford to move out if push came to shove?
Do not have children with this man. How a person treats animals speaks volumes to me.
Oh my! What a pickle!
Your husband is being unfair and unreasonable. He knew you had your dog when you got married. He should have said something then.
This rings alarm bells to me. If he's so unreasonable about your dog, what will stop him from being unreasonable about you giving up other important things in your life if they don't fit in with what he wants?
It seems extreme to say leave him, but I know I wouldn't be able to give up my pet if I was in your situation.
Dogs genuinely are not for everyone, especially one in a small home. It's up to you whether it's a deal breaker for you, as it's a deal breaker for him.
When I met my DH I had 3 dogs. He knew that and chose to marry me and live with me.
There's no way I would get rid of any of them on his say so. And mine aren't quiet placid greyhounds either.
It's a choice he shouldn't ask you to make if he loves you.
Sorry but I would LTB. This isn't about the dog; it's about control and jealousy and he's showing you who he really is - not a very nice person. There is no way I would get rid of the dog in these circumstances and I'm not sure I'd even want to leave my dog alone with my husband in these circumstances. I'd be gone.
...taking my beautiful, gentle greyhound with me.
Honestly, if he's genuinely a good guy (and only you know whether he is or not) I'd be listening to your husband's feelings about your pet. Not your child. Your pet.
He probably hoped that he could cope with your dog, because he loves you and wants you in his life. And it sounds like he's given it a good try! But he can't do it.
I'd choose my husband over anyone and anything, any day (except my toddler.) And I'd expect the same from him. And I say this as someone who has loved my pets in the past.
My animals are my world.
My husband was aware I came with cat and bank account draining horse. If he asked me to get rid of either that’d be our marriage over.
Attitudes to animals say a lot about a persons character.
He sounds awful and the dog is a means of control. If the dog goes he’ll move on to something else.
He sounds awful and manipulative with it. Your former instinct to take the dog and go is one that I would follow again. I wouldn't go back though this time. He sounds like he has no soul.
I actually think it's a difficult one (waits flaming).
If you're a non dog owner, you might welcome your loved one and dog into home, do your best, but still find st the end of the day that you really cope with having a dog in your home.
Theta a few things here. Can we understand the age of your dog? As a rescue, he would be been a few years old as they’re usually @ 3 or 4 when retired, you had him 4 years before you met DH, not sure how many years until you got married, but you’re now married and together 2 years. So at a minimum, your dog is @ 9 years old, considered an old dog for a greyhound and their life expectancy is 10 to 12 years.
Please do explain this to your husband. You can’t abandon your dog. As you DH has tolerated your dog for 2 years, can he continue (with modifications/concessions) for 2 more years?
Concessions could be made by you though too, such as doggy day care for the time you’re at work and your DH would otherwise look after/walk your dog. Perhaps not allow your dog on sofa while watching tv w DH, not allow the dog to sleep in bed with both of you - that sort of thing where your DH doesn’t have to share close personal space with your dog.
You need big discussion w DH though. Is it just this dog he doesn’t want to live with or all dogs. If all dogs, then you need to decide after this one dies, can you live without another or can you live without DH.
I could never be with someone who could think this was an acceptable way to behave and cared so little for my feelings. The old dogs trust slogan applies 'a dog is for life'. You don't just get rid when it becomes inconvenient. I also had a dog when I met my DH. He knew it was a package deal.
And as for this: Honestly, if he's genuinely a good guy
He isn't a good guy. A good guy would not try to manipulate his wife into getting rid of a pet. Ever.
He is a controlling bully. If he can get rid of the dog, next step OP's job? And full financial control?
Do not have children with this man.
Sorry but you had the dog first and husband knew what he was getting in to when he married you. This would be a deal breaker for me. Your husband's response does sound cold and not at all understanding of how devastated you would be to rehome your beloved grey.
I would have a chat with husband explaining that you will not be rehoming the dog and that if he really can't stand living with dog, then you and dog will be looking for a new home.
It's not even about your dog now (god I LOVE greyhounds) it's about how your DH is not a nice person. Yuck.
I think there are two types of people when it comes to pets.
Those that see them as completely disposable and can easily just 'get rid' and those that understand they have feeling and bonds and bend over backwards to work around any issues because you don't just get rid of a living breathing loved pet unless you have exhausted every possible option.
Your DH is the former and you are the latter. In a marriage you would both sit down and come to a compromise because dogs are only in our life for such as relatively short time that adjustments could be made.
You need to stop expecting him to look after your dog as that responsibility and burden on a non dog lover is quite a big thing. Use dog walkers or daycare when you are working. Then find out the other big things that annoy him. If it's hair and mud then you might need to restrict areas that are dog free so your DH can 'escape' to them.
If you can't come to a compromise at all then yes you are going to be forced to pick one over the other
please pick the dog
But greys fold up small, and are no trouble
Poor you, talk to H
You do say you try and share the love between them equally but maybe DH expects a bit more than half the love....
He is jealous
I’d just tell him you aren’t getting rid of the dog. If your ‘D’H doesn’t like it he knows where the door is.
Is the relationship happy apart from this issue?
I mean, there’s no compromise really is there? Either you keep the dog or you don’t.
You came as a package, really unfair of him to expect you to give up the dog you love.
Personally, I wouldn’t do that for any man.
Where would it end? Sounds the start of controlling behaviour to me.
Do what you know is right.
Of all the dogs to complain about... greys are one of the (laziest) easiest going.
What else will you be expected to compromise on?
Not sure I could stay with someone who thought animals were disposable.
Op, you describe your dh as agitated about the dog? What exactly is he objecting to? What is upsetting your dh in particular?