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Wanting a dog when your husband doesn’t.

(52 Posts)
Jaynie27 Fri 15-Feb-19 06:18:37

Nearly 5 months ago we lost our 14 year old cocker spaniel. He was basically my baby and as I’m unable to work, spent virtually all day, every day with him. I never thought I’d want another dog after he’d gone but I just feel so empty and desperately want a puppy. Husband is adamant we’re not having one and gets annoyed when I bring up the subject. I’m so bloody miserable without a dog. Any experiences of it getting easier without one gratefully received as there’s very, very little chance of him backing down and I would of course want any new dog to be wanted by us both. Sorry impossible situation really, but I’m starting to resent him for his decision 🙁 thanks for reading x

OP’s posts: |
BiteyShark Fri 15-Feb-19 06:41:28

Can you get your doggy fix in other ways? Volunteering to look after a neighbours dog when they need someone to dog sit?

I think you will get lots of people saying ignore him and get a dog anyway but I have waited for my dog for over 20 years but if my DH hadn't been on board I knew I wouldn't have got one. They turn the house upside down, especially with a puppy that I think everyone has to be on board because everyone is affected.

Jaynie27 Fri 15-Feb-19 06:59:09

Yes I’ve considered becoming a volunteer dog walker and where I live there are lots of dogs about.
I couldn’t just ignore him, it def needs to be a joint decision and whenever there was a problem I’d always be the one to blame! And I want the new member of the family to be wanted by us both, as our first boy was . Thanks for replying x

OP’s posts: |
Tumbleweed101 Fri 15-Feb-19 07:11:00

Why doesn’t he want another? Do you think he is still missing your old dog and not quite ready for a new one yet or is it more that he hopes you’ll gain by getting to go away more often? For example.

SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc Fri 15-Feb-19 07:15:43

I got a puppy several days after our dog died.The house was so quiet without her.If you are at home there is no reason surely why you can't have one.Hes being a bit mean.

WFTisgoingoninmyhead Fri 15-Feb-19 07:17:31

Your best bet is to advertise as a dog day sitter, you can get paid for having doggie cuddles all day. None of the ties of owning a dog but all of the fun.

rookiemere Fri 15-Feb-19 07:18:54

DH talked me into getting a dog and whilst as dogs go he is a lovely fellow and I do love him, at the moment I feel very strongly that I do nor want another one after ( mind you DDog is 8 months so this decision hopefully won't need to be made for a long time)

Owning a dog is expensive- we have dog walkers a couple of days a week and he goes to their house when we go abroad and there's the worry of expensive vet bills although we have expensive insurance. Our back garden is a mess and I can't keep our kitchen floor clean,

Sorry that was a bit of a whine but I'd resent DH greatly if he got another ddog and I want to have the freedom to enjoy my retirement when it comes without financial ties and responsibilities.
I know it isn't the same but people on borrowmydoggy would be super grateful if you looked after their dog when on holiday or do it through cinnamon trust. Or maybe you could foster dogs - I would probably be ok with a short term thing.

BiteyShark Fri 15-Feb-19 07:19:08

SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc it isn't that simple is it when the other person doesn't want one. Looking after it doesn't stop it jumping up at DH, waking him up, chewing things, costing money, dirt, hair and all the other stuff that is part and parcel of puppy and dog life. If you want a dog these things don't matter but if you don't then those things aren't trivial on a day to day basis.

AlwaysSomethingThere Fri 15-Feb-19 07:21:05

if you are at home there's no reason why you can't have one. He's being a bit mean

The reason is it's his home too and maybe he doesn't want a puppy trashing his house and yapping around his feet. I wouldn't want one either. Dogs are cute to stroke in the park when you walk past them but they are hard work to own. Why do men get torn to shreds on here the second a woman doesn't get her own way?

Yogagirl123 Fri 15-Feb-19 07:21:48

Why is DH against getting another dog? I know when we lost our elderly dog DH & I were really upset, having lost previous pets too DH said straight away he didn’t want any more pets. Due to other circumstances, were have decided no more pets. It’s the right decision for us I know, but miss having a pet too.

BiteyShark Fri 15-Feb-19 07:22:16

OP I pay a fortune in doggy daycare. However, there are times when I need to leave my dog and it isn't long enough really to warrant daycare or a dog walker but equally I feel it's a bit too long for him. I would love (and pay) someone to give my dog cuddles for a few hours if they were close by and had experience of owning a dog. I think if your DH was ok with dog 'visitors' rather than owning a dog you might find yourself with lots of doggy cuddles.

adaline Fri 15-Feb-19 07:23:46

Dogs are a huge commitment and if both adults in the house aren't on board then it's a definite no.

I love ours and absolutely don't regret him but he's a huge commitment and a lot of work. Having to get home for the dog, paying for daycare and walkers, food, insurance, toys, the hair, the barking and puppy training - it's hard work and not something that can be done by one member of the family without it impacting on everyone else.

MistressDeeCee Fri 15-Feb-19 07:23:55

I think he's very mean. I don't have any pets but imagine if I had and said pet died and I knew that devastated my partner - I wouldn't say no to another. Not if I knew it would make my loved one very happy. Some things are worth compromising on.

As pp's have suggested, dog day sitter is a good idea, I'm assuming that would be at owners home though, would you want to be up and out doing that?

Do you have a hobby by the way, including shared hobby with your husband..? What's the 'emptiness' being replaced with so to speak? I'm wondering if he wants you to do more together - eg travel, without having to worry about putting dog in kennels.

I hope it works out for you

Stuckforthefourthtime Fri 15-Feb-19 07:35:04

I miss having a dog too but agree with you it needs to be a joint decision.

You don't say why he doesn't want another. Is he still grieving? Then maybe there will be another in time. Or if he doesn't want all the fuss and mess of a cute but chaotic puppy, maybe you could look at an older rescue dog, or foster rescue dogs and maybe eventually take one for your own.

Or if he feels that a dog is too expensive (especially if he's the only one able to work), or if he wants the freedom to go away more, or doesn't want to mourn another dog, then those are harder to overcome.

rookiemere Fri 15-Feb-19 07:35:51

Another thought, how about looking at older rescue dogs? I don't want another dog after DDog as I don't want my liberty curtailed, my floors dirty and my garden a mess for another 10- 14 years, but if it was an older dog then maybe that would be more palatable.

adaline Fri 15-Feb-19 07:36:08

Some things are worth compromising on.

But dogs are living, breathing creatures who deserve to be wanted by everyone in their family. They also need everyone in the family to be consistent with regards to training - they need walks everyday, attention, fuss, letting out to the toilet, taking to the vets...the list is pretty endless.

For example if OP is unwell or away then her husband would need to step in and walk the dog, feed it, take it appointments - if it was sick or injured it would need care and looking after. Daycare or walkers need paying for and they're not cheap.

Having a pet is in my opinion like having a second child - the person who doesn't want it unfortunately gets the veto.

mumsiedarlingrevolta Fri 15-Feb-19 07:42:42

Op why doesn't he want another dog?

Instead of a puppy could you rescue an older dog who needs love?
Less of a commitment time wise and wouldn't have to deal with puppy stage?

yearinyearout Fri 15-Feb-19 07:46:27

It's early days. We lost our dog two years ago and it took my DH about 18 months before he felt he wanted another dog. Check out "borrowmydoggy" in your area.

MistressDeeCee Fri 15-Feb-19 08:41:26

adaline - but OP hasn't said all the scenarios you're supposing. & A dog was part of the family before so it's known what caring for a dog entails.

Life is short & I'd just not want to see my partner so unhappy in this instance. It's no gain.

The sadness is palpable in OP's posts.

I get that it's different for some.

eastwestnorth Fri 15-Feb-19 08:54:40

I totally sympathise, as I can't live without a dog and am happy to forgo other things in order to have one (or two). But even an older rescue dog can have issues, and it's still a tie, so you can't force it on the other member of the household without risking ill-feeling and resentment.

I go along with offering dog day care. Lots of dogs would benefit from the company, rather than being left alone all day, and it can be difficult and very expensive to get them to somewhere that offers this. I'm assuming your husband works through the day - it wouldn't work if he's at home.

Good luck at finding some sort of solution.

JenniferJareau Fri 15-Feb-19 09:05:15

I think you need to get to the bottom of why he doesn't want another dog.

Mishappening Fri 15-Feb-19 09:09:35

I do have sympathy with your hubby. These things need to be a joint decision and if he really does not want one then it would be unfair on the dog and him if you went ahead. I would be seriously mad if OH got a dog against my wishes - luckily we are on the same page over this.

Please don't try and persuade him - an animal in the house is so all-pervasive that he will not be able to get away from it - and it is his home too.

StrongTea Fri 15-Feb-19 09:11:45

Maybe he is still upset about the loss of the dog and doesn’t want to go through it all again.

MamaDane Fri 15-Feb-19 09:16:07

I think you have to accept it takes two for something big as this and if one part doesn't want a dog then obviously it can't happen.

Like others have said, volunteering is a good option. Finding another hobby as well to focus your time on.
But I think acceptance is important, depending on whether he never wants another dog or if he's just not ready after the loss of your last one.

adaline Fri 15-Feb-19 09:35:24

* A dog was part of the family before so it's known what caring for a dog entails.*

Exactly my point. Dogs are a lot of work so maybe he doesn't want to commit himself to that all over again!

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