We are just trying to work out how to ever see grandparents who have a dog.. And whether it's us that need to be more accommodating, or if they are being OTT.
They:
(1) don't like the dog travelling with them for longer than very short journeys
(2) won't leave dog ever for more than 1.5 hours) usually much less, around 30m. Its an hour each way to us, therefore they can't come to us, we have to go to them.
(3) they won't do anything if its not dog friendly when we do go down.
(4) have to do everything together as a couple, so one person can't do something with us whilst the other stays at home with dog.
(5) things that everyone could enjoy, like exploring castles, going on walks together etc, are declined be wits either too far for the dog to travel (ie more than a short hop), or because they involve too much walking for them.
We have 2 toddlers. They've never even been to a park with them. Never pushed them on the swings. Because they refuse to go to parks even where you can take dogs because being outside is too cold. They happily talk about walking the dog on FB though, so it's only too cold to spend time with grandchildren.
We've invited them to lots of places, but lots of places that toddlers like to go (like petting zoos) dogs can't go to, they refuse. They can notionally get a dog sitter (and have done so occasionally), but there always seem to be reasons that it doesn't happen.
So it's basically sit in their house with 2 lively toddlers, or they don't see eachother. The toddlers get bored of just sitting in a house, and it's filled with floor level China ornaments etc. Also the dog isn't well trained, and although small, quite boisterous. They don't try to control interactions between children and dogs at all saying that the dog 'wouldn't hurt a fly'. They refuse to take the dog even out of the room when my little boy was crying after being knocked off his feet by the dog jumping up.
The single time they've agreed to do anything involving the children, it was visiting an indoor play area and cafe (special event, not soft play) with them, but they turn up with the dog even though the website clearly stated no dogs were allowed. They got really upset when they were refused entry with the dog. They did eventually put the dog in the car for an hour, but really tried to lay the guilt on thick to us.
I don't feel unreasonable in feeling we are low priority. Which is why this wasn't an AIBU about the whole situation. But because I don't know what's typical for dogs, I don't know if I am also being too harsh on them, and we want to gather some thoughts on what' normal' dog owners do before we talk to them.
The lead thing is much more secondary, and to me it seems to be a symptom of how anxious they are with the dog. I feel a bit sorry for it because it lives (IMO) a very claustrophobic life. But it's not being maltreated, and that's their business really. It just struck me as a bit odd that even in designated dog walking fields etc, dog is always on a lead. Dog is on a lead or carried even just outside their own house or MIL has a panic attack about it running away.
I'd like them to be able to come out with us for half a day together locally. Maybe spending 3-4 hours together, without it being some kind of military operation (which invariably means it doesn't happen).
I guess ultimately the problem isn't that they can't leave the dog but that they just have very little interest in spending any time together unless it's on their turf, on their terms. The dog is an excuse really.
