The odd comment about new baby is driving me up the wall

(16 Posts)
gimmeadoughnut123 Mon 24-Dec-18 08:42:27

Heads up - rant on the way. I think that is all that I will achieve from this post. I'm 4 months pregnant and hormonal so please excuse me.

Backstory - I have a dog who will be just short of 2 by the time our baby is born. Adolescent phase is out of the way (hooray). He is one of the most obedient dogs I know. Since having him I have actually been heavily involved with assisting at dog training classes, for maybe about 7 months now, and have got a couple of qualifications in training. I'm still building my career but know what I am talking about and work with other professionals.

He is incredibly well socialised and loves children.

For some reason, a couple of people that I know feel the need to make comments about rehoming our dog when the baby is born and telling me that I'll never love him like a human child. I know, of course, that a love for a dog and a love for a biological baby will be very different. But you never stop loving your dog!

These people have never owned a dog and I don't think particularly like them anyway. But the comments are driving me mad. They are completely unwarranted. Our dog adores children, listens to us, has never hurt a fly, and we are doing lots of work to prep him for when baby arrives so that there are no shock changes for him. There is literally nothing going on that would make anyone think there would be a problem.

Dogs will be dogs, and you still need to take sensible precautions, whilst still making them a big part of the family.

I wanted to post as this is really getting to me. I'm not sure if they just see dogs as disposable and are unsure why we don't, so are airing their views. But I find it ignorant and fairly heartless. I think my hormones are just making me more sensitive. That and the fact that they are talking to somebody who knows substantially more about canine behaviour than them.

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WereYouHareWhenIWasFox Mon 24-Dec-18 08:47:11

My dog was the naughtiest, most wilfully disobedient bastard ever, but he was also the best dog ever and as soft as shite with our babies. I got comments too. I ignored them totally and whenever they (I say they, I mean nosey, opinionated MIL) saw him with my kids she had to acquiesce, because he was amazing and she knew shit. Ignore them, you know best because it is your dog, your baby and your family.

FlashByReputation Mon 24-Dec-18 08:47:14

Ignore the bastards. Your dog is your family, you know that and don't need to listen to their rubbish.

ADastardlyThing Mon 24-Dec-18 08:47:16

Ignore ignore ignore. An ex friend gave me a fair bit of patronising lectures on this subject.

Note I said "ex" friend.

BiteyShark Mon 24-Dec-18 08:49:41

It's very clear from some posts that quite a few people do see dogs as disposable. Also a lot of people get really threatened when you say you love your dog like a member of the family as if that takes away something for the love of their child.

Smile and nod and ignore or have a few stock answers you can rattle off without much thought to shut them up.

fedupandlookingforchange Mon 24-Dec-18 08:50:18

Just ignore the comments. Take sensible precautions with the baby and the dog especially when the baby starts moving and it should be fine. I had these comments about the scratchy cat.
I introduced a baby to two dogs both very well trained, one elderly, who’d had nothing to do with children before and it’s been fine. The elderly one is very good with the toddler.

Itssosunnyout Mon 24-Dec-18 08:55:24

I have had issues with family about their jumpy nippy dog but your situation is completely different as your doggy is obedient has had training and you have said you will put sensible measures in place.
Ignore those who say rehome.

Our family had put measures in too and we keep baby and dog separated safely. We would never suggest to rehome thats ridiculous

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harrypotterfan1604 Mon 24-Dec-18 08:57:50

I’m due my baby any day and these sort of comments really really piss me off!
We have 2 dogs and when I told my nan I was pregnant she said so you’ll be rehoming the dogs then? I said well no, what if I already had a baby and wanted to get a puppy would you suggest i rehomed the baby? For me it’s the same thing!
My dogs are my family, and like you we’ve been working hard to prep them for baby’s arrival and have a fantastic dog sitter in place who will take them overnight at the drop of a hat should I be struggling and just need a little break.
I grew up incredibly frightened of dogs which made me hate them, I want my child to learn to love dogs and as much as my dogs will need to learn how to behave around a child the child will need to learn how to behave with the dogs too!
Stupid people seem to crawl out the woodwork when your pregnant having an opinion on everything hmm

gimmeadoughnut123 Mon 24-Dec-18 09:24:37

I'm so glad I'm not alone in this, these comments have made me feel better. The only thing we are still working on with our pup is not jumping at certain people. But those people encourage him to jump and don't listen to me when I ask them to give him zero attention when he is being hyper. So when they get annoyed with him I take little notice. He doesn't jump at me, my husband, or my parents, and we are the most frequent people in and out of the house so it doesn't matter to me really.

I think people forget that a LOT of people have dogs before they have children and the majority of dogs adapt very well.

harrypotterfan I'm the same as you - I got attacked by a German Shepherd when I was 8/9 so was scared of dogs until I was about 16. I live in rural England, farms everywhere, therefore dogs everywhere. It's actually uncommon for people not to have dogs. I know a few children that scream at the sight of a dog just because they aren't used to them, and it's really important to me that my children aren't scared of dogs because they are everywhere. It is also important that they know how to appropriately act around dogs - I'll be watching the baby as much as I'll be watching the dog, once it is a toddler and able to understand things.

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Squirrel26 Mon 24-Dec-18 12:01:25

People can be so rude. What makes them think you’d be interested in their opinion on your family?

I’ll never love him like a human child
Well maybe not, but you won’t love your baby in exactly the same way as you love your OH. You don’t love your parents in exactly the same way as you love your siblings. If you have a second child you won’t love it in exactly the same way as the first. Because people are different and relationships are different. Some people seem to worry that love might run out, as if it’s a finite resource and you could ‘waste’ it all on a dog. No one suggests to people pregnant with a new baby that they might like to rehome their older kid, because obviously they won’t be interested in it now, and also toddlers can bite. hmm

tazzle22 Mon 24-Dec-18 12:29:45

Agree totally with others ... we can love in many ways and that includes the creatures we share our lives with.

I had dogs too before children and if it's managed well then it can work out really well. Right from word go I included my collie ... made sure I greeted her first when i arrived home then let her see, smell and lick my dd so she could link us together.
Observation of their relationship and an awareness of all the little indicators of stress (dog) are vital over the years, as is teaching toddlers the dog is not a toy and it can be a wonderful time.

Good luck ... or should I say prepare well, prepare for the worst but expect the best and you cant go far wrong !

UhYeahISureHopeItDoes Mon 24-Dec-18 12:40:19

I had a dog growing up that would kill any other animal given half a chance, barked and growled at any dog who walked past the house and chased the cats, squirrels and rabbits out of the garden. Couldn't be trusted off lead without a mouth strap and even then it was in an empty, enclosed area to make sure.

He would also lie on the floor with absolutely no bother while numerous children crawled on him, pulled his tail, legs, fur, poked and prodded him, poked his eyes and pulled his tongue and dressed him up, painted his nails and the poor bastard wouldn't move an inch if a child happened to fall asleep on him - even if you put a big juicy bone right next to him!!!

He wasn't too keen on animals but wouldn't ever, ever, ever so much as lick his mouth if a child or strange adult came near him. (That sounds weird wrote out-not licking his lips in a ready to eat way but because licking the mouth is what dogs do to show they're uncomfortable.)

Was we meant to put him in a shelter because he was never properly socialised as a puppy but still posed no threat what so ever to my family?

gimmeadoughnut123 Mon 24-Dec-18 15:07:16

Squirrel I agree with previous posters that people might say this to me because when I say I love my dog like a child, they somehow feel that this belittles their love for their own children.

I honestly believe that our dog will be my baby's best friend as it grows up.

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Normalnorman Tue 25-Dec-18 04:05:18

Tell them to go and shit. Idiots.

starcrossedseahorse Tue 25-Dec-18 16:42:38

People can be stupid dickheads OP. Ignore them.

gimmeadoughnut123 Wed 26-Dec-18 19:56:45

Thanks all. This has made me feel better.

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