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Dog share with my mum?(13 Posts)
This is an idea I've played around with inside my head for a couple of years. I posted on it once but I forget what replies I got, and I can't find the old thread, so here goes again :
I'd like a dog. However DP and I both work. DP works from home most days, but this may change in the future.
Essentially I'm too lazy to take a dog for walks every day.
However my mum lives pretty nearby and is retired, has an allotment she's on most days, goes out walking every day.
I'm wondering if it is at all possible to consider a dog share?
The plan would be (eg) I pay for everything and mum takes the dog out every weekday, then at the weekends dog is with us for walks. I'm not sure how evenings would work, maybe dog would sleep some nights at mum's and some at mine?
Does anyone else have an arrangement like this? Is it the worst idea in the world or might it work out well?
Mum would love a dog herself but hasn't got one due to inertia basically, she took ten years decision where to put a tiny pond in her garden for example, she doesn't do things quickly! She also likes going away for the weekend once a month and although she'd normally be keen to take a dog with her, she worries about the odd occasion she couldn't take a dog.
I want a dog for sofa cuddles in the evening and to play with my two children (5 and 2) but I'm just not getting up at 5am to walk a dog before work
I think tbh it's not a goer and I should just wait until my own retirement, but interested in other's views
Sounds like a great arrangement to me.
I would advise that you write the agreement down - it doesn't have to be a formal contract, just an email or text message, but it would make it clear where the responsibilities are.
In it, you could write who will be paying for food, vet etc., who will be walking dog and how often.
In principle nothing wrong with it as long as it's clear up front who 'owns' the dog and is responsible for costs.
However, you might want to consider what would happen if your mum didn't want to or couldn't walk the dog anymore.
Sharing a dog could work... but, you might need to think about things like whether your ideas about behaviour and training are the same...
And if you’re not walking it before work, where and how will it be going to the toilet?
Also are you thinking puppy or adult rescue, because they both have pros and cons for your idea?
I have an arrangement that's similar, though by accident rather than design. An accidentally acquired dog, a job that requires lots of travel, a DF who likes dogs but didn't want one of his own full time... It works well overall and DDog loves us both equally.
I pay for everything and have ultimate responsibility and strategic decision making powers. The sticking points have always been around consistent training - DF is from a school of thought that thinks dogs should obey out of a sense of duty. I'm from the positive reinforcement school of thought. In a perfect world we would all have attended the same good quality positive reinforcement classes as he would have taken their word for it but not mine. Dogs really do need consistency when they are being trained.
If you are thinking of a puppy you need to factor in the fact that dog ownership could be a 12-15 year stint. Depending on what age your DM is she may not be up to taking the dog out after a few years - mind you your DCs would be a bit older then.
Perhaps your DM could sign up to borrowmydoggy to get more of a sense of what occasional dog ownership would be like.
I do kind of think that if you're saying up front that you wouldn't want to walk it every day, then dog ownership may not be for you. Oh and our 6 month old golden doodle prefers to sit on the floor - usually on the hall mat - and fart noxiously, rather than doing much evening snuggling
If you can't walk a dog everyday then please don't get one. What if your mum is unwell or goes away - you can't just not walk the dog because you're too lazy. Even small breeds need plenty of exercise and stimulation.
And what about training? You'll all need to be on the same page with regards to commands and training so that the pup is raised happily. Puppies thrive on consistency and that won't happen if you're using different commands or signals to train them.
I kind of see where you're going with it but ultimately I don't think it's a good idea. Would you, for example, be able to have the dog full-time in future if your mum didn't want to do it anymore? Or she became unwell somehow? Dogs need walking everyday regardless of weather or your mood or health - so you need to be able to commit to that completely. If you can't be bothered and your mum can't do it, ultimately it's the dog that will suffer.
Thanks for the views, really helpful.
I think it's one which is going to sit in my brain percolating for the next decade!
My mum has had dogs before, she knows what is involved, though she is rather old school in many regards, no insurance, lets dogs easy whatever they find in the pavement etc. However I'd definitely be the purse holder so would pay for all that.
I'll keep thinking. And won't start doing unless / until I'm 100% sure we can make it work. Both BILs have dogs, I might just stick with enjoying them rather than being my own. Just as they do regarding enjoying playing with my children but no intention of getting their own
what about the dog being confused and finding it hard to bond or settle- a dog is a family member not an activity you do when you feel like it.
what of the dog doesn't want to snuggle on the sofa with you or play with the children? What if the dog wants to go out for a walk at 1opm and then go to sleep in his own bed after an evening of sleeping in bhis own bed. Or it wants to get up in the night because it is anxious, needs a wee. What if the dog has its own ideas of how it wants to live? Would you send it back?
We have a rent-a-dog approach with ours. We own the dog and see to his needs daily, but in laws pop by and walk the dog when they fancy it or if we’re going to be out for a long time the dog spends the day sometime ms night with them. They also cover all the holidays the dog can’t come along on.
It’s ideal for us as we know the dog is always cared for, but also the inlaws get to enjoy the good bits about having a dog, but aren’t tied.
Also the dog is very relaxed and is clearer very comfortable in either house.
I should add though, the dog spent he’s first year with us before the inlaws started walking him or having him for extended visits. So maybe worth thinking about the puppy years and settling at your home.
Our 9month old does two days with my mum. She loves it; she doesn't want/need the commitment of a full time dog , the two days are enough !
She also looks after him overnight if we are away. Ddloves it. Dd also goes to a dog minder one day a week, which he loves more than anything in the world, one day with dp at work (outside), one day with me and 2 days with all of us. Dd loves it all. No issues with attachment or abandonment. But he is a very confident terrier!